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Fancying other people

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK, so I have a boyfriend, who I've been with for nearly a year and a half who I really really love and who's my best friend in the world. But we don't get to see each other much cos we're at seperate unis. I've just met someone who I actually fancy the pants off. He's the fittest guy I've seen here and he's so lovely and all the other girls fancy him too yet I think there's definitely some chemistry between me and him. I just feel so guilty for feeling like this. I haven't fancied anyone this much for ages and I know nothing can happen and I love my boyfriend but aaagh why do I have to like this guy so much? I can't help it and it's making me feel shit.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's what happened to me, the less I saw my boyf the more I started fancying other people. There's not a lot you can do about is as I'm sure you know, you can't ever stop yourself from fancying someone. For me it made me realise that after 3 years with my boyf my heart wasn't really in it anymore and I wanted to be single and meet other people. If it's your boyf that you want, maybe you should just try and stay away from this guy for a bit?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know. I can't really avoid him. I'm pretty sure I'll get over it, it's just one of those things where I find myself thinking 'ooh if I were single I would be really really flirting with him now... but I can't'. It's Christmas holidays soon anyway so I'll be seeing lots of my boyfriend and not seeing this guy at all, which will help a lot I think. It's just lust I know but still can't help thinking if only...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You'll probably be alright when you've seen your boyf then ;) I wouldn't worry about it, I'm pretty sure that it's perfectly normal when you're in a relationship where you hardly see the other person!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My girlfriend of two years finished me six months ago for what I feel is this reason as she really didn't give me a reason.
    When I saw her again she was with another lad, with all the hurt, pain and angar I did something stupid and tw*ted him.

    You women really put us lads through alot of pain. We actually do have feelings even if we don't show it.

    Thought I'd have a little moan.

    Sorry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DelicateHeart
    You women really put us lads through alot of pain. We actually do have feelings even if we don't show it.

    Cos no bloke has ever finished with their girlf because they fancied another girl have they? :rolleyes: Surely you'd rather be finished with than strung along while your girlf lusts after another guy, or even messes about with him behind your back?

    But anyway that's another topic....:p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok stop being smart :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DelicateHeart
    Ok stop being smart :p

    Sorry, it just comes naturally :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello, DelicateHeart, nice to see you putting us all under the same label. I'm actually saying I feel incredibly guilty for even liking this guy. I haven't DONE anything with him and don't have any plans to do so. Nor am I planning to dump my boyfriend for him, although like Faith said, surely if anything were going to happen it would be better for a girl to finish with her boyfriend before rather than after it did.

    Back on topic again, I actually just spent some time with him just now and decided that even though he's yummy, I'd like just to have him as a friend cos I think he'd make a really good one. So I feel better now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this is so totally normal.

    everyone fancies other people when they're in a long term relationship. especially if they spend a lot of time apart. you may not be single, but you're also not a nun.

    if your relationship is strong enough you'll find you can just ignore your feelings. since when has it been wrong to find other people attractive? it's not. it's just wrong to do anything about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin


    if your relationship is strong enough you'll find you can just ignore your feelings. since when has it been wrong to find other people attractive? it's not. it's just wrong to do anything about it.

    Yarrr. Think about it too, it's more likely that you'll see other people you fancy than you find this one person and that is the only person you'll like in that way.

    It's normal, it's healthy, it would be more worrying if you didn't fancy anyone, or you tried to ignore the feelings whilst spending time with the guy. At least you accept how it is so you can approach the situation properly.

    And maybe once you've been together with your BF longer you can talk about what to do when you fancy other people.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gah oh my god he's so fine I just want to pull him RIGHT NOW but he's not here... guess that's a good thing.

    Am a bit drunk.

    Am on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend though. Not good. Feel shit. Don't know what's going to happen. Gah.

    :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds to me (from your drunken message, so I'm taking it with a pinch of salt!) That your relationship with your b/f isn't doing so well.

    The same thing happened to me, I had a long distance girlfriend who wasn't coping and the whole thing just fell apart becasue we weren't there for each other.

    L.D.R.'s are hard :(

    You should know that if you do this you may utterly destroy your boyfriend (breakups like this are always very hard). However, in the long run, you are at different uni's you should consider that it may be better off in the long run for both of you.

    There isn't an easy answer, and I'm not going to sugar-coat it! :no:

    If you do choose to break up with him, the good news is that distance does make it quicker to get over and less painful. Just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.

    Morally Right: The L.D.R. isn't working and I want out

    Morally wrong: Phwaa! that bloke's fit!

    I would go for option c.

    TALK WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND ABOUT IT.:crazyeyes :crazyeyes :crazyeyes

    maybe he feels the same way!!!!

    Oh and, DelicateHeart... it's not just women who can be bastards!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Dr. Smith. Yeah the relationship isn't fantastic but as we're together for a few weeks over the Xmas holidays we've agreed to see how things go for now. We're both prepared for things to go horribly wrong but we've been through so much together that we can't just let it fall apart without trying to make things better.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good Luck LSS. x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Tink. I'll let you guys know how it goes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Quote: we've been through so much together that we can't just let it fall apart without trying to make things better.

    :) Good attitude. Wish my ex had been so reasonable!

    I really think you are doing the right thing by meeting and talking about it. Even if it *does* go horribly wrong, you get 10/10 for effort (believe me, it counts for something after the dust settles), and whatever happens, no-one can blame you for not trying to make it work.
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