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he's messing me up and im all in a mess

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
the short of it is...
i put £10 of credit on his mobile monday night , he told me he was skint, and i had to scrap to help him out, and he sent 2 texes mon night, tues- not heard from him all day, i'd been texin asking if he was ok and stuff. so i rang him about 8:45 ish, and he told me he was in hull, and my fone cut off and he never texed/called me back all night, then wed i messaged him to ask him how the job hunting was going, as he was ment to come here tues night but had decided to stay at home to find a job on wed. and he replyed 4 hours later with a blank tex!!!

He told me about 2 weeks ago i was suffercating him- i dont know how i only see him sat night- sunday afternoon every week, i tex a few times during the day and call sometimes, how is that suffercating him? And he likes to have his own life, but he wont let me in on anything, he thinks is easy for me to sit at home and not do anything or go anywhere!When he can do what he wants. And he leave me out- of everything.

And im so sick of been out of everything. He comes here on a weekend and like last week, he fell asleep when he got here at 6ish, never moved till ten, then an hour later-when to bed after he'd eatin, sunday he never hugged me-nothing untill we met our two mates. Im feeling used. And it feels horrbile. I know he's had some problems and stuff,like his friend died-she was the same age as me. And he has changed coz of them, but im the one who's been messed with.

i dont want to leave him- deep down i care for him and luv him, but i cant go on feeling so horrble. He turned round once and told me if him and i ever split up his best mate and gf would never talk or bother with me. He knows i think their both are fab! so- he tryed to upset me by saying stuff like this.

I really dont know what to do, if he reads this then he knows how i feel.

Everyone ive told, sent this too has said to leave him-even his best mate.
But im scared of been alone, and im not well still, its driving me insane!!

Help? :crying: - Sarah xxxxx

edeited due to pants spelling.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awww *hugs* no girl likes to feel used like this, but I understand you still don't want to lose him.

    The thing is, would you rather go on like this? I'm guessing not, since you posted for advice about how to sort it out. But I'm not sure you can sort it out - how would you resolve it? He doesn't sound the malleable type, and he obviously doesn't have enough respect for you. Also, the less attention he pays you, the more you'll call and text him which is perfectly understandable, but it's still a downward spiral of you being the one to contact him all the time which is why he feels suffocated. And to be honest, I do think that texting him several times a day and calling him is a bit excessive - how often does he text or call you? I bet not very much.

    If the situation can't be improved, which it really seems is the case, surely the only thing is to get rid of him. I know it's horrible because you still care about him, but he's seriously wearing down your pride and self-respect - don't go chasing after a guy who really, really isn't worth it. You'll look back in a few months' time and wonder why you put up with it for so long, trust me.

    I don't know what else I can say really, other than that I really think you should leave him. If you really can't do that, try just telling him it's the end, and seeing how he reacts, and then considering getting back together. Just like the old saying, 'if you love something, let it go; if it comes back, it's yours; if it doesn't come back, it never was.'
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know Exactly how u feel on this..
    i got a 'new' ( 1 week and a bit ) girlfriend and i get to see her Friday Night ( If im lucky ), Saturday day and night most weeks...So basically i maybe see her once a week, other times i have to rely on Texting and Calling.
    Luckily she hasn't mentioned anything bout suffocating, But im seeing her tonight then staying round :naughty:

    Anyway back to the reason im posting...Maybe you should talk to him and ask him ' In An Ideal World' how much time he wants to spend with you, because i find the basis of a relationship is always through communication, maybe if you ask him why he is saying your ' Suffocating' him? and see where it goe's from there, and if it doesn't work out , then im afraid you willhave to move on to something that is a bit more ideal for you!
    Good Luck
    Jez
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can not read this if you want cus tbh I didnt bother readin the reaper or the perfect day's posts, and I only skim read yours cus ive got this major headache.

    If I were you id send him your last text, just somethin askin a question and wait until he replies. When he does reply dont text him straight away even if your dying to. Text him something like 12 hours later, or even the next day if your mega :D.

    If he asks why you daint text him make it sound like youve had a great time shoppin with loads of boys who are full of sperms (u know what I mean, jealousy I think.)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate, unfortunately, this guy just doesn't feel the same way towards you as you to him, and probably never will. You haven't done anything wrong, but I can tell you what's happened (because I did this to someone else and lost her!)

    The usual series of events is as follows: You feel like he isn't as into you as you were to him, and so you start calling him/texting him more often and expect him to call you more as a result! This makes him back off and feel very claustrophobic. The more he pulls back, the more you try to get closer to him, until the whole thing explodes very dramatically (as it has with your and my relationship).

    You are essentially going through the first and second phases of a breakup

    1.) "Why me"
    2.) Moping :crying:

    Don't worry, this will soon be replaced by

    3.) ANGER!!!!! :mad: :banghead: :mad: :banghead: :mad: :banghead:
    4.) Resignation ("I guess it's just not meant to be" )

    and finally

    5.) Acceptance ("Why was I so worked up about this guy?") :eek2:

    This guy is NOT WORTH the pain you are feeling.

    My advice is to be strong, surround yourself with friends and eat lots of chocolate.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not saying you should definitely break up with him but I think you need to ask yourself: why THIS guy? Do you really care for HIM in particular or are you just afraid to get out of the relationship because you've got used to being with him?

    It doesn't sound like there's much left there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if i'm honest, it sounds like you are suffercating him; txting him and ringing him asking him where he is. just 'cause you put £10 on his phone doesn't mean he's obliged to txt you 24/7. if you don't hear from him one day, it doesn't matter - he perhaps just likes his freedom and doesn't want to feel like he has to tell you whatever he's doing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kick him to the kerb sista!!!
    he sounds too far up his own arse, it lowers your self esteem to be chasing after someone who is losing interest. Ditch him first!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanx guys...*hugs all*
    am gonna see IF he messgaes me today-hasnt yet- and see what the weekend brings.

    Ive never had to finish a guy in my life, and im just so scared of been on my own. as im a person who like to be liked and around ppl. i know i'll be ok in a few weeks time, but im scared, whatever i say wont make him change and i know if he's over this weekend i wont be able to do it. i'll have to ring him, but i want to see him, this weekend...just to make sure theres nothing that can be done.

    I mean, he say's he loves me and he did, but i think he think's im just gonna follow him, and im not.

    sarah xxxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The suffocating remark sounds like he's making excuses, any old excuses.
    It sounds like you both may have different needs, and want different things from a relationship. You've got to talk about it. If you talk about it, then you might find out you just aren't after the same things, and therefore the relationship isn't going to last. If you don't talk (especially if he doesn't want to), and carry on the way you're going, the relatioship isn't going to last. The only hope you have is that you talk, and see if you've got enough in common, and if you do, then there's a chance it'll last.

    If he doesn't want to talk, then it just might be time to finish it. :(

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just one question. How could being on your own possibly be worse than feeling like this??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You've got to decide whether it's what you want. It seems to me he isn't giving you the respect and care you deserve in this relationship, he thinks he can say jump and you'll say how high. My opinion anyway!

    You have three options (I can see)

    a) do nothing... probably not gonna help anything really

    b) deal with it, either by talking to him, or finding some way, to make him change

    c) leave him - sometimes it's the only option.

    it's up to you what you want to do hun, but he doesn't seem good enough for you with the way he's treated you. that remark about his friends not talking to you again was fucking out of order! (sorry for swearing)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Miffy
    Just one question. How could being on your own possibly be worse than feeling like this??

    its the feeling of been alone, feeling unloved and not cared for my someone. to be loved and cuddles and kissed but some one who cares.....i like to feel like this, and felt it for so long, he was my back bone and he took care of me, and im scared to loose it... sad, but true..:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your boyfriend sounds exactly like my ex. My ex took ages to text me back, sometimes canceled my calls and he always made up stupid excuses as to not meet up with me so I hardly saw him and I'll tell you something the best thing that I ever did was get rid of him. (Although the main reason we split up was because he cheated on me but I was on the verge of splitting up with him before that happened)

    I know that your scared of being alone etc but honestly you will find someone so much better, who will treat you better and be there for you etc.

    I hope you work something out though hun because I think you deserve so much better.

    All the best

    ~x~
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by _Hermione_
    its the feeling of been alone, feeling unloved and not cared for my someone. to be loved and cuddles and kissed but some one who cares.....i like to feel like this, and felt it for so long, he was my back bone and he took care of me, and im scared to loose it... sad, but true..:(

    But you WILL find that again with someone. It doesn't have to be this guy. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it sounds like all that's lost in this relationship. You're just hanging on to something which you don't have any more. Don't think about what the relationship was like in the past, think what it's like NOW. Do you still want that? Or are you just hanging on, hoping things will change back to the way they were?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive done it.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank god for that. It'll take a bit of time, but you'll start feeling better.
    What was his reaction to it? I'll bet it didn't bother him too much.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by _Hermione_

    and im just so scared of been on my own.

    *hugs* hunim im sure you'll be ok, let us know how it all goes yeah? and memba u got me! ;)

    *blows u lots of kisses* xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i saw him today and lots of things have been said, and explain, and resons for. and were having time away to think about how and what we want. it could take days weeks, or months, but after his reaction i know love is there, and he has now realized what i mean to him, and is wanting to do anything to sort it out... but i'll leave it here. and see what happens.

    As they say-only time will tell.........


    P.S.*blows kisses at tink*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: he's messing me up and im all in a mess
    Originally posted by _Hermione_
    he thinks is easy for me to sit at home and not do anything or go anywhere!When he can do what he wants. And he leave me out- of everything.


    WHY!!! Why do you sit at home and do nothing...why do women always do this (I know I'm one too) Why do you have to sit at home and do nothing? get out and start having a life that isn't dependent upon him. OK - it's hard but it has to be done, otherwise he will be controlling your life and will keep treating you like shit. OH and stop giving him money, REALLY - STOP IT!!

    if his friends are such nice people they won't turn against you, If they do then they aren't worth shit!!

    He is expecting you to be how he wants you to be but refusing to make any compromise for you. If you want to be used then carry on like you are, spend your money on him, let him tell you how to behave and what not to do but if you have any sense you will get in touch with people who really care about you (Your friends) and start seeing more of them and less of him.

    Next time he bothers to come and see you make sure that you have something else you are doing, then if he really wants to see you he will have to change his plans!!
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