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what to do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok - this is a real mess so u'll have 2 bear with me. i fancied this girl on my course and we became friends through mutual friends etc. we get on really well, tho she confuses me wit all these 'signals' that i dont get - sumtimes i think she fancies me bak, sumtimes im not so sure. i was going 2 tell her i fancied her but i realised that that cud really mess things up, coz we are living 2gether wit sum other friends next year and she's in my tutor group so we'll have 2 work 2gether 4 the next 3 yrs etc. so i decided 2 keep my mouth shut and try and not fancy her!

few days later, i met the girl who is now my g/f. without wanting 2 sound 2 arrogant, she is far more in2 me than i am in2 her and im not even sure if i want 2 b her b/f. i just cant help thinking that i wud b so much happier if my g/f was ****** (my friend). so what shud i do - finish it wit my g/f and ask my friend, finish it wit my g/f, not ask my friend and hope sum1 i really like cums along, or give it time wit my g/f 2 c if i grow 2 like her more. (this list is not exhaustive - pls suggest more ideas)

i no u'll cum up wit the goods ppl <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

"I see no vestage of a beginning, no sign of an end"

[This message has been edited by Baby Bio (edited 04-11-2001).]

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cmon PLEASE ppl. this is ripping me apart <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; i really need all urs help . . . . . .

    "I see no vestage of a beginning, no sign of an end"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly, I think you should finish it with your current g/f. Think how she will feel if she finds out down the line that you never really liked her that much at all.So its best to finish it now.

    As far as your freind goes, I would leave it for a while. If she said no then things will be awkward, and you may well ruin the freindship. If she said yes, then maybe things would work out, but then again maybe if it goes all wrong, the freindship might die a horrible death.

    OK, thats me being slightly pessimistic, but at the end of the day mate, its up to you, are you ready to risk the freindship ??

    But you should finish with your current girlfreind, because its not fair on her, being in a false relationship.

    Good luck

    Brian <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Winners never quit and quitters never win !!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, thats pretty much wot i was starting 2 think. its just not fair 2 string thus girl along, when really, its only a 1 sided relationship. i can tell that its going 2 make me feel really bad, breaking up wit her. as i dont like her that much, its not going 2 hurt me 2 not b goin out wit her nemore, but she is guna b in a right state, i can tell, and i dont like hurting ppl. she's neva had a b/f before, is really really keen on me, and has been going round texting her gran etc saying 'yayyy, ive got a b/f'. so me dumping her after a few days, week or 2 at best, is not goin 2 make her feel 2 gr8. also, she is my first g/f, which i spose is a bit of a novelty, but if i dont really like her then there's not much point in carrying on wit it, is there? especially for the girls here - how shud i best break this 2 her, in order 2 let her down gently?

    as for my friend, the 1 thing i have wit her is time, and bucketloadz of it. we're only first years, so i have 3 yrs of working wit her (she's in my tutor grp) and if things carry on the way they r she cud become a really gud friend, so ill hold my fire on that 1.

    so how shud i tell my g/f nicely?

    "I see no vestage of a beginning, no sign of an end"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh My God, you are in the EXACT same position I was in just a year ago, and trust me you do not want to deal with it the way I did. I really, REALLY liked this girl, I would still go out with her if the chance came my way, and we became friends through friends like you did, I so liked her and I am very shy and low-confidence etc etc, basically when it comes to girls i suck very much, anyway.... The thing with this girl I liked had started like 4 years ago, and since then i wanted to keep it a secret but I told one of my 'friends' one day, just happened to be the friend that didnt want me to be happy, (if you would like the whole story then mail and ask me, it would take me about an hour to write) anyway one day I was off school ill and he decided that it would help to tell her, well ever since that day my life went downhill at a high velocity, I couldnt talk to her, and i Think my mistake was going on International television and telling a fair few million people my feelings (damn!) this was around the time my brain went missing.... long story short, I dont think there is n e chance in hell that I will get to take her out but now I have one last shot, and I have to prepare this one. back to the point, back last December I was asked out by a girl in the year below, i didnt know her and I think I just went out with her because I liked her, not enough in hindsight. I had to break up with her because it was killing me, and I am not proud of that, but it comes to light that she was off with another guy anyway. Moral of the (boring) story is... dont muck it up, be sure of your feelings and take it slow, at the pace she wants. or f she doesnt accept it. "For my book, stories of an adolescent, send x amount of money to...." anyway keep your chin up bud, these things will sort themselves out.

    Spike
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    basically ive just spent the evening snogging my g/f, which, altho she is my first g/f, i believe i am supposed 2 enjoy?

    well, i didnt enjoy it. it just felt mechanical. she told me i was fantastic, and i even managed a few of those stare-deeply-in2-eyes look things, so i must b a betta actor than i thought i was. ive talked 2 a few ppl (including the afforementioned 'friend') and they all give the same advice: end it with her, and QUICK. so thats wot im planning on doin 2moro (well, today really). i can tell that it aint guna b pretty - she told me this evening that she's the happiest right now out of all her 19 years - and im just guna crush it <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; ill feel really bad bout it. my plan is, tell her the basic truth, and then run, fast.

    wish me luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; . . . . . .

    Because I want more stars.

    [This message has been edited by Baby Bio (edited 06-11-2001).]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey buddy good luck, and u know ure doing the right thing
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, i did it, and she actually took it quite well. said that she was glad that i was being honest and that i had the decency 2 say it 2 her face, rather than by text msg. turns out she was having doubt too - i reckon she picked up on me liking my friend, coz she mentioned her like that a few times. i really hate the way women can read r minds like that - its just not fair!

    also, my friend has been acting strangely recently. ever since this happened her attitude has gone from warm and friendly to cold, indifferent and sometimes downright hostile - like deliberatley leaving me out of things. i talked 2 a mutual friend about this and she said it was prob coz i have been 'wierd' of late, and my housemate agreed, so like wot is going on there? im really scared that i cud loose a friend now <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    Because I want more stars.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HI! Glad the dumping went well-never easy is it? Concentrate now on doing what you want to do-if you want to tell this girl that you like do it carefully and not yet! I think you should wait(yes, I am a boring cow)till next year and see what its like living with her! She might really piss you off, you might meet someone else or you could end up proposing to this girl-who knows? See how she reacts to you when you date other women. Only date women that you actually like, though-using hurts. You are riskingthe friendship if you tell her without being completely clear on your feelings. Play it by ear. Keep us posted!

    Little Angelxxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    glad it went well good luck with ur m8!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you now have a fun story in ure mailbox dude
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have decided 2 leave off my 'friend' for the timebeing, at least. if we did go out, it is inevitable that we would break up at sum point, and if that happened next year, when we will prob b living 2gether, it cud create a really nasty atmosphere, plus we have 2 work 2gether, so its prob best not 2 ask her . . . . the search 4 a nice young lady starts all over again <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; . . . .

    ah well, put it all down 2 experience i guess - at least i now know how 2 kiss etc. a wise man once said that 'experience is the name the foolish give to their mistakes' and he is prob right, but there ya go.

    mayb ill find sum1 i actually like . . . . or mayb not. its my 'friend's bday 2day, and were sposed 2 b goin out, but i dunno if i can b arsed. its pissing it down, its sposed 2 b fancy dress and i dont have a costume, and she has a major attitude thing going on at the mo (such as dissapearing wen im sposed 2 b givin her her present - i might take it bak 2 the shop!), so i might give it a miss. . . . . . . i mean, if she is being such a bitch at the mo, y shud i b bothered 2 go out and get myself even more ill than i am, just 4 her?

    Because I want more stars.

    [This message has been edited by Baby Bio (edited 07-11-2001).]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, i wasnt going 2 go, then she texted me saying she wanted me 2 go, so i said ok. got ready etc, opened the door and noticed that there was a river outside, which was strange, as i swear there was a path there last time i looked. i rang her and reported this anomaly - not 2 worry she said, im still in my room, come round and u can come down with us in the taxi. fine i said, im on my way now. about 2mins later, i walked over 2 her place, only 2 find the door locked and no sign of life. upon ringing her phone, the sweet tones of the looney tunes theme song cud b heard eminating from behind her door - evidently she had gone out and left her phone in her room. after waiting about 20/25 mins, i scrawled her a note (not in blood, sadly, shud hav thought of that at the time) on a piece of paper, shoved it under her door, nodded 2 the security guards (who were starting 2 give me strange looks, as i was in the middle of an all-female block) and left. i got completely soaked, and all my stuff got muddy and will have 2 b washed even tho i only wore it for like 30 mins.

    sorry bout all that, but i had 2 get it out! needless 2 say i am EXTREMELY F***ING PISSED OFF and i do not want 2 b held responsible 4 my actions wen i c her 2moro . . . . .

    arrrrrggggghhhhh!!!! women and their damn illogical minds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Because I want more stars.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well done buddy, you could be expected to do that, that was out of order, shes out of order, women are out of order
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    women are out of order

    hey we arent ALL that bad!!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know im just messin
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest you'd be better off at the union on wednesday night... or even Pier Pressure on a Tuesday isn't bad!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    right, this is quite scary now. how did u know that i was at that uni - especially as ur listed as being from IL, USA?

    i have thus far managed 2 avoid the venues u suggested - i nearly went 2 pier pressure the other nite but, as explained above, i didnt in the end. 'the town where we live' is full of nice-looking girls, but i dont know where they all go in the evening (2 their b/f probably, damn them) coz whenever im out most places r cattle markets!

    ahh, continuing the fine Welsh tradition of mutton dressed as lamb, UWA never fails 2 produce the goods . . . . . .

    Because I want more stars.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I also go to UWA but I'm in the states working this year... I recognised your name from virginstudent.com so that's how I figured you must be in Aber!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i c. so r u on an exchange programme with a US uni or wot. according 2 the piece of paper sitting in front of me, we dont actually have a programme with a uni in illonois, so u must b on a work placement, in the states . . . how did u bag that??

    its strange that more ppl from virginstudent dont come over 2 TheSite considering those interesting banner ads they have <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; . . .

    Because I want more stars.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    since all this happened she has just been getting worse and worse. she apologised about the whole birthday thing, and was moderatley nice 2 me 4 about, ooooh, a day? no, less than that probably. she is also apparently having doubts about us living 2gether next yr. she's banging on about these uni-owned flats down in town that only sleep three ppl (and r little posse currently stands at four). thing is, she neva mentioned these b4, and was even slagging off uni accomodation. so i think this is her not-very-subtle way of telling me 2 fuk off and find new housemates. this wouldn't b a problem, except that they r the only little group of friends i have at the moment, so there's no1 else that i cud really go 2. also, we have 2 start the process of applying 4 houses in a few weeks, so time is kinda of the essence. i have met a few ppl on the net who r at my uni, and they seem really nice, and r in2 the same things as me (ie they dislike pubbing & clubbing and like outdoorsy type stuff like hiking, shooting, mountaineering, backpacking etc). im guna meet sum of them in the next few weeks, and i might end up being friends wit them - mayb not - but even if i do i cant exactly ask them 2 live wit me there and then, can i?

    so the whole thing is a bit pear-shaped. the 1 gud thing 2 cum out of it is that i dont fancy my 'friend' nemore, so i dont have 2 worry bout that . . . . .

    Because I want more stars.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Baby Bio:
    [B they dislike pubbing & clubbing and like shooting. the 1 gud thing 2 cum out of it is that i dont fancy my 'friend' nemore, so i dont have 2 worry bout that . . . . .

    [/B]

    shooting eh? you could always get them to bump her off you know! what better way to cement a friendship the by shooting at or in the general direction of an object oh hate! oh and btw tell her from me that she is insane and stubid, if she didnt like u, just say it.

    do I know anything about chicks? fowl.... no, now women... no.

    [This message has been edited by Squinty (edited 12-11-2001).]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Dark Knight:
    shooting eh? you could always get them to bump her off you know!

    well, thing is, she doesnt do shooting. but i agree, if i lure her in, it would be possible. these things we use aren't pea-shooters u know. they really would take a big chunk outa her . . . . . . . .
    but then i/we would get done 4 murder, which would outweigh the satisfaction of blowing her 2 kingdom come . . . . JOKE!!!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;



    Because I want more stars.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Baby Bio:

    but then i/we would get done 4 murder, which would outweigh the satisfaction of blowing her 2 kingdom come . . . . JOKE!!!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;


    Nah, it's a calculated risk, I say you take it!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere:
    Nah, it's a calculated risk, I say you take it!

    hmmm. but there are lots of other ppl around when i do shooting - so they'd all see, and im not rich enough 2 bribe them <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;

    no, i think i'll go 4 psychological warfare on this one - more satisfying long term results . . . . . . but how best 2 make her fry? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"&gt;



    Because I want more stars.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I empathise with the sentiment being expressed on this thread. However, let's steer away from the encouragement of violence. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/cool.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Baby Bio:
    i c. so r u on an exchange programme with a US uni or wot. according 2 the piece of paper sitting in front of me, we dont actually have a programme with a uni in illonois, so u must b on a work placement, in the states . . . how did u bag that??

    its strange that more ppl from virginstudent dont come over 2 TheSite considering those interesting banner ads they have <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; . . .


    I'm working in Illinois (2hrs west of Chicago). Got the position through the YES @ Aber Uni. If you're interested in outdoor education then I'd definately recommend finding out about it, they have links to Georgia, here, Florida and California! I'm not an environmental scientist but I also like hiking and outdoorsy stuff so I love it out here. On the accomodation subject, I'm going back in halls nxt year, I gave town a go last year but I think it's definately more fun on campus.
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