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i dont understand, bloody men!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi, i started c-in this lad bout 4wks ago, hes realy nice, but a bit of a rebel, breakin in2 cars, smokin woteva, etc.

but n e way, he was texin sayin hes fallin 4 me bad, and he feels special when hes with me, and he wants 2 be with me 24/7 and loads a sweet stuff like that, and hes asjed me out 3x's but i said it was way 2 soon. but only 2wks ago he came out of a nine month relationship with sum bitch. weve talked bout it and obv i understand hes still got feelins 4 her, as theyve just split.
i saw him last nite and as usual we got on ok, were kissin, and everythin seemed fine.

so then at 1.30am he texed me say he cant go out with me as he dont wanna hurt me. hes had a pretty bad child hood, his mum kicked him out few yrs ago, and hes rebelled i guess in 2 a bit of a criminal, hes just settled 1wkj ago in2 a lovely foster home.

n e way, we were texin this mornin at 1.30am 4 bout 1 1/2 hrs, and he was sayin im 2 perfect, and im goin places, and hes a lowlife goin nowhere, and that he dosnt wanna hurt me. and 1 tex said he cant love me, it dont feel right.

im realy confused, why has he suddenly changed. i always pick the 1's who turn out horrible. i realy like him, and i know my mum dont approve cause of his background, but whys he done this 2 me, he said he wants 2 carry on c-in me but not a relationship.
please help
Helen

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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    helly it sounds like he thinks youre too good for him, and that he actually doesnt want to hurt you and thinks you could do better.

    and also that hes not ready for a relationship and just wants a bit of fun with you, so soon after breaking up with his gf. so you were seeing him while they were still together?

    maybe he just realised after seeing you that he wasnt right for you, he probably just wants you to be happy and thinks he isnt the guy to do that. doesnt mean to say hes right though! only you know who or what can make you happy, if you wanna be with this guy then try talking to him about it. i mean he obviously likes you if he wants to keep seeing you.... i thik its prob a combination of the end of his relationship and making feeling insecure about himself.

    good luck and keep us updated! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;



    It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe this guy is just insecure about himself and becauseof his background feels like he wants to give you stuff that he can't. He's obviously pretty down if he called himself a lowlife.

    If u like him, then tell him and ask him why he doesn't want to see you, if its because of his ex, was he on the rebound? or is it because he thinks hes not good enuf 4u. if its that, assure him that he is.

    let us know wot happens! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    ~*~Emma~*~

    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me he knows he's done some bad stuff that he aint proud of, which is why he thinks he's no good for you.

    But admitting he's been a bad lad in the past must be a step in the right direction, most blokes just think they are cool!!

    If you try talking to him and tell him how you feel, if he feels the same way, you may be the one to change him and leave behind his life of crime so to speak.

    Keep us informed
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    helen werent u seeing a man from where u work or somthin?/ (a hospital i think it was?? :confused <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    well i suppose i think im going 2 put a downer on this 1!

    i think maybe he has relised he cant get over his ex and he was only with u as an escape kind of thing???

    let us know wot happens luv jo xxxxxxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Helen.
    It sounds like this lad obviously cares for you. You may think it is shitty, him telling you all this stuff, but I think he is being very noble, a quality that is sadly lacking in today's society.
    He doens't want to see you while he is in his current state because he may be scared of what might happen. He may not want you to meet his friends, who may also be dropouts. Basically, he probably doesn't want to get you involved with any of the stuff he has been involved in, and the only way he can do this is by shutting you out. I suspect this may be an extremely difficult thing for him to do as he obviously likes you, or he wouldn't do it.
    Try talking to him, tell him that you will be there for someone who can listen to him, and hopefully to pull him up out of his bad patch. It sounds like his foster home may also be a much needed stepping stone in the right direction. this lad, even though he may have been a bastard in his past, deep down he has a heart of gold, maybe you are someone he feels he can really care about or look after, something he may not have been able to do in the past. Try and hang onto him, good blokes like this don't come round often.
    Good luck
    Steve
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by helly:
    hi, i started c-in this lad bout 4wks ago, hes realy nice, but a bit of a rebel, breakin in2 cars, smokin woteva, etc.

    I'm sorry to sound negative but I think that unless he loves you enough to change his ways for you pretty soon, you're destined for an unhappy life with him. His luck will run out sometime and he may well land up in prison. There's nothing exciting or glamorous being a prisoner's partner, waiting for him to finish his time ...

    For some people, I guess, the buzz they get out of crime may well be greater than the buzz of being in love ... maybe he's made his choice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanx guys, ur all so nice.
    i cant remeber who wrote it, but i met him when he was with his ex, then they split up, nout happened b tween us till after they split.
    i spoke to him earlier as he was with my cousin who rang me bout a tv or sumint, i said had he thought about it and he said no as hes bin realy busy, hes just started his new job on tues.
    i might b c-in him 2moro nite, but prob not 4 2 long as im dieing at the mo with either a bacterial infection or glandular fever! gr8.
    may b he could b on the rebound, i hope not, i'll keep my fingers crossed on that 1.
    thanx again guys, love helen
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