Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Anyone..........?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there all,

Never posted a message on here before and I am not sure if I should be now but I need some help, here goes:

Been with my b/f for 5 1/2 yrs now, got engaged after 1 yr,lived 200 miles away but travelled each weekend to see each other for the 1st year, we then decided that I should move in with him, that was about 4 1/2 years ago, so I left my family and friends and moved down to be with him. But things have changed, and although I love him to death, he is my best mate and I cant imagine life without him, we both agree that we wont get married, we are just really good mates. But he wont talk about what we should do next and things are getting difficult, my family adore him and think Im mad for thinking this way, but I need more than what he can offer.

But how do leave him, it will turn my life upside down, Id have to leave my job, that I love as it is too expensive down here to get a place on my own????

Anyone got any advice?

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know a couple a female friends in a simular position to you.

    They both stayed in there relationship and a couple of years down the line they are still wondering how to get out of the situation. Neather of them are getting any younger and the longer they leave it the harder it gets to break things off.

    Is it just the marrage thing thats putting you off?? if it is then it would be a shame to waste such a good relationship becouse that's what you want now!

    Or is there more to it than that??

    Need more info.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Or is there more to it than that??

    Need more info.

    Agreed.

    What exactly do you want that he can't offer?

    If you love him and he's your best mate, what's lacking..fill me in please <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Phil <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by MortUK:
    <STRONG>I know a couple a female friends in a simular position to you.

    They both stayed in there relationship and a couple of years down the line they are still wondering how to get out of the situation. Neather of them are getting any younger and the longer they leave it the harder it gets to break things off.

    Is it just the marrage thing thats putting you off?? if it is then it would be a shame to waste such a good relationship becouse that's what you want now!

    Or is there more to it than that??

    Need more info.</STRONG>


    I think what she means is, and feel free to jump in if i am wrong Sunlight <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">, that although she loves him to bits, the spark just isn't there anymore.

    Been there. If you don't want to be with the guy, but still love him, it's heart breaking to end it. But it has to be done.

    Know it will turn your life upside down, but think of yourself in 10 years time. There are two possibilities,

    1. You are with someone who makes you feel happy, and whom you are willing to spend the rest of your life with OR

    2. You are still in this relationship, unhappy, depressed, and regretting that you didn't do something about it.

    In the long run you will be happier. V difficult to do, but you have to leave if you don't want to be with him.

    Hope that helps...

    *hugs*

    Let us know how you go
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you really feel that way then you have no choice. you have to leave him, you cant keep pretending to yourself. i know what your going through because the feelings you describe are the same as when i was with my first boyfriend that i lived with (for 3 years) i still loved him, but not in the same way, i really wanted to still be in love with him but i wasnt. you can only lie to yourself for so long. its not fair on either of you. admittedly i wasnt in the same financial position as you are, so it was easier for me from a practical point of view, but just as hard from an emotional point of view. i tried to leave him quite a few times, but kept getting back with him because i felt so guilty for breaking up, but in the end when id finally made the descision, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

    only you can make the decision of what to do, but you cant live a lie

    [ 08-05-2002: Message edited by: rainbow brite ]
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi All,

    Thanks for all your replies, Emmex has hit the nail on the head, there really is no spark there, have been trying to kid myself I think for the last 3 years, but it aint there, no matter how much I would like it to be. Im not worried about getting married, just worried about making a mistake. I only intend getting married once.

    He is a brilliant bloke and whoever does end up marrying him is a very lucky lady.

    Has anyone got the spark back once its gone? If so give us a few tips!!!

    Sunlight
Sign In or Register to comment.