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Splitting for Uni...again

Sorry to bring this up again, i know its been brought up a lot, but ive been reading lots of the threads on it, and its just added to my fear.

Me and my boyfriend have been together just under a year, and i hope to be off to uni in sept/oct 2004. Most people have said that there is too much change and things, and im wondering if this is gonna have too muich of an effect. I love my boyfriend, more than anything, but Im going off to uni, and he isnt, im worried that ill change as so many people have said and he wont like the changed me.

Also, ive heard that people who are in long distance relationships while at uni miss out on part of the uni experience, because theyre often out seeing their other half, so are missing out.

Once again, im sorry to bring this up again. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey dont worry about bringing these things up, your feeling confused and need advice...Im the same all the time dont worry!

    My mate is in the same situation as you and going to uni can have a massive effect on relationships and thats what im scared of too..

    If your b/f loves you then he shouldnt mind if you change, anyway you wont change too much...But if he loves you then everytime you meet up with eachother he should still love you..

    Im sorry i havent been much help but i wish you the best for the future with your b/f and good luck at uni!! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have the chance to go away for university, but I really really don't want to, as I don't want to be that far away from my boyfriend. That's the decision I've taken though - Everyone is different and you have to weigh up your priorities. If there's no uni near you then you have very little choice. Whereas if you're like me, and there's a uni in your city that does the course you want to do well, then you have to make the decision.

    Sorry, i'm a little incoherent today.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i really dont mean to sound harsh. but next september is almost a year away. u really shouldnt worry about it now. anything can happen between then and now
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm at my home town's uni, not cos of my boyfriend (seein as I wasn't goin out with him when I applied, lol) but because I wanted to stay at home, and be with my family, friends... but what I now have to deal with is the fact that in 2 years most of my friends (who are 2 years below me) will be leaving for uni, including my best friend, and my boyfriend mayb be going to Berkshire for MoD training. If he does, he could get posted, like, anywhere in the world :( So I'm just enjoying each day while I can. I know you've got less time, but I think you should adopt the same philosophy; just enjoy everything and take each day as it comes. When the day comes for you to leave, stay with him if it feels right...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Although this will probably easier said than done-You have to do what you want to do!
    When i met my boyf i constantly raved on about moving away to uni, and look at me now...i stayed at home! I cant say it was all because of him but it was mainly and now im talking to my freinds who have gone away and im totally jealous!
    If your strong enough, then you will survive it, you can see eachother at the weekend and if you have freetime through the week and on the other hand have you own time aswell to meet new people and make freinds.
    Dont let him force you into staying at home and just go with your heart, but please dont start worrying about it now because you'll cause problems before theyre even there!You have to do what you want to do!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have just done this. I'm in my final year of uni, I spent last year abroad, but now for some reason, when there's only one year to go, I decided I couldn't do the long distance thing any more and we split up over summer (had been seeing him for 5 years).

    I think it was more a case of I didn't know what was going to happen after uni and the uncertainty, not knowing when or if we'd ever be together properly was driving me crazy and making me scared to get too involved.

    Anyway, I'm now happy and with somebody else. And it feels so wierd but so lovely to be going out with someone who is there whenever you want them.

    But this is only my situation. You don't have to make any decisions just yet, but try to enjoy the time you've still got together instead of, like me, worrying about the future all the time. :)

    Good luck!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with the people who say don't worry.
    This year my boyfriend went to portsmouth (i live in plymouth) for uni and we have split up (i think although we are in the awkward situation of not really talking about it) and i have to say that the prospect of it happening was worse than the reality.
    i used to cry all the time when we went home after seeing each other for about a month before he went because i was so worried about him leaving. now i wish i hadn't because it did spoil the end a bit.
    but the day before he left at 6 in the morning we had a really nice evening together and did our goodbyes, and 'always love you' stuff. i cried all the way home, but then it was almost a relief. i'd been dreading it for so long and really it didn't seem any worse than going on holiday or whatever.
    we're still texting and phoning and i've written to him a couple of times (but he hasn't replied!), we're not talking about anyone else (though i suspect he pulls people when he's out, that was sort of the deal).
    I can't wait for him to get back because we were really close. before he left i didn't think i'd cope very well at all without him, but of course i do, i go to parties and enjoy myself (though i don't really feel like moving on) and get excited everytime i have an email from him!
    i don't think you should worry, yes you will probably change, and so will he i expect, but people change all the time.
    also bear in mind that you're not going away for a year and this time last year you weren't together, so anything can happen by then.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya, I think you should go to Uni. September is a long time away and like someone has already said, a lot could happen in that time.

    I met my ex just before I was supposed to go to Swansea for Uni, due to being a rebellious 18 year old who liked nothing more than a row with my parents (well they did keep curfewing me) I ended up moving in with him cos I had nowhere else to go. I chickened out of going to Uni mainly because of him, but also cos the uni could offer me no help with accomodation and I was scared of leaving my friends behind. It was fun for a while, but I'm now a single mum, most of my mates have moved away with their blokes or stayed in the town they graduated in. My little sister is now at Uni having a whale of a time and I have to say I am more than a little bit jealous of what I could have had (but thats not to say I don't love my son). Please don't sacifrice this chance of going to Uni for the sake of a boyfriend, I know you love him, but if it is true love it will work out ok. It will be hard but you gotta think of your long term future and not what is happening right here right now. Best of luck hun xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to make it clear, Im not thinking about not going to Uni...Im just petrified of going and whats going to happen between us.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    since i've been at uni i've heard about a load of girls cheatin on their mans.

    and then theres a load of girls who hide away in their flats and don't socialise, make of that what you will..........
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I met my girlfriend over 2 years ago only a couple of months before I went to uni.

    At the time I had many of the same worries as you but I was determined to make it work and it has.

    a) I come back a lot and she comes up to see me a lot, this has its advantages and disadvantages.

    I would say that I have missed out a bit on a full 'living away from home' experience as I am back very regularly.

    On the plus side I have kept an excellent relationship with my girlfriend and also get to see my other mates a lot, go out with them etc, and also see my family, all good things.

    b) i see no reason why being at university would 'change you' in any negative way.........:confused:

    c) Remember that the uni 'year' is about 30 weeks. This leaves 26 weeks when you will most likely be at home

    Someone mentioned about having a boyfriend at uni who 'is there all the time' but this is unlikely to be true due to the very long holidays

    There are pros and cons. Universty is for 3 years but a relationship could be for the rest of your life or at least a lot longer than 3 years..............
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