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Splitting up:(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
On sunday I split up with my b.f. it was a mutual decision. At the moment he is at Newcastle uni and I'm near enough in Birmingham so there is like a 4hour train journey btween us. We've been together about 7months (not majorly long i know), he said its not fair on me cos he hardly saw me apart from during the holidays or if i went up there. We both still want each other and he dosent want anyone else. I know in my head that its maybe better if we arnt together at the moment. Its just my heart dosent think that way! I love him and I would sooner have him and have a long distance r'ship than not have him at all, even tho we promised to stay mates.

We both havent ruled out getting back together over summer or even when he graduates in a year. That makes it a bit easier to deal with. I feel crap tho, i cant sleep, keep crying, dont want to eat and i seem to have permanent tummy ache <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

He kept sayin i could do better than him, but i dont want anyone else and cant imagine being with anyone else. i have told him this, thing is he is so bogged down with uni work and work work. We are going to meet up and talk soon. I just dont know what to do. I know not being with him will hurt so much but in a way its for the best but its just horrible.

ooops I've written a mini essay! Sorry!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    awwwww *hugs*
    When me and my girlfriend split up one time we both thought it was for the best and was trying to get on with our lives but with in a week we both realsied we had made an awful mistake and within a week we were back togethr because being aoart wasnt doing us any good.
    What wa sthe main problem which caused you to split is it resolvable? if so then i would try becuase onviuosly at the minute it is not doing you any good and if you feel this strongly it looks like its worth trying for <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only reason we split was because of the distance between us. I'm going back to uni in Sept and i was going to stay around the midlands so it would have been no so bad as he graduates in a year. However, now im going to uni in Liverpool hopefully, so that means for the next 3yrs we will have the same problem.

    We talked about getting together over summer but i dont know if that would just make things worse, cos then we will have to split up again?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a long distance relationship is better than no relationship at all i realised this when my boyfriend said he was moving away. id rather only see him once a month than not at all there are phones, email and letters to keep in touch with! try talking to him if you both loved each other things will work out!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by High_Angel:
    <STRONG> At the moment he is at Newcastle uni and I'm near enough in Birmingham so there is like a 4hour train journey btween us.
    We've been together about 7months (not majorly long i know ....</STRONG>


    I've got a m8 who's been with her boyf for abt 1 1/2 years and he's in the army.
    They are totally in love and although they only see eachother every 7weeks if they'r lucky they stay together because it's better that than being without eachother.
    They'd only been together for 2 months when he left so if they can do it, u can if u really want to.

    You need to be able to trust eachother 100% because i think that one of u may be scared the other may cheat on u etc and tht is sure to wreck a relationship.

    Good luck in what ever u do

    Em
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi

    Yeah we used to talk at least once a day and he used to e-mail me. We did write to each other and stuff and he used to send me tapes of "lovely" songs <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> I think at the moment he thinks that i will be better off with someone else that i can see whenever i want. He dosent understand that i would sooner be his g.f and not see him as much than not have him at all.

    We only split last sunday and i saw him briefly today for the 1st time since. He was working tho so we couldnt talk. I've text him asking if he wants to meet tonight to talk. I miss him so much already. Everywhere i go there seems to be things that remind me of him <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even though technically my girlfriend and i havent split (realy hope it stays that way), the pressure of having a long term relationship is certainly taking its toll on both of us.

    I thought everything was alright for the first couple of months, but now for the last month or so, i think weve both been seriously thinkin about ending it, even though we dont want to leave each other. There are however other factors which make things a little more complicated but ignoring those, i now think she is realy getting fed up and will soon want to move on.

    Part of me wants to tell her she shud move on now, but i really couldnt bare to lose her (3rd long term relationship and by far the best). So do i/we give up now and admit defeat or just think of the realy good times weve had together and perservere?

    [ 06-04-2002: Message edited by: Bejam ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah its hard. Cos for a few weeks I had been thinking oh were going nowhere, i think i would be better without him. Now i am tho i really regret it. I suggested that maybe things arent going brilliantly and i know it sound silly but i thought oh he will want us to stay together and we will work on the problem. I didnt think we would end up splitting. He just keeps saying its for my sake and that i deserve more. He called me last night and things were ok, it was almost like we hadnt split.

    We were like you and your girlfriend Bejam. We were both thinking about how the r'ship was going but neither of us really wanted to say anything. I'm not sure what mine and my b.f's future is. We are meeting sometime next week to talk and maybe i should really tell him how i feel cos i dont think he knows how much i miss him. Hope it works out for you <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You realy sound like you love your man very much - I think (and this is only what I wud do, not sure how well it wud work for you but....) if your going to meet up with him, tell him you realy dont want to break up becos you love him so much, but that maybe you need some time apart 4 the next week or so. I know it wiud be heart rendering, but its almost what my girl and i are doin at the mo, though we do fone each other alot (which maybe we shud try to halt for a while as well.)andit will either make it obvious that it probably wont work, or pull you closer together.

    BUT most importantly (if its true) you must tell him that even though you pointed out to him that you thought things werent going well, you wanted to work on them with him, not just abandon your love togethther.

    if ive lost the plot of this thread at any point, im sorry - im making it far to personal. <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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