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Friendship/Love question

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Friendship.Love

Question....

If you fancied a Mate of yours, Either a mate online OR offline and you had the choice of telling them and risking loosing there friendship or shutting up and not saying a word, but always thinkin about them but keepin their much loved friendship which would you choose......


And this is actually a difficult one because each individual will have other things in the background, like say you might have a b/f / g/f and you fancy this other person or something like that......... So which would you choose

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's simple really. Take the chance.
    Just try to pick your moment well, when you've got time to talk together somewhere quiet. You'll blurt it out, and will feel stupid, but if you've picked the moment well, then you'll be able to explain how you feel, etc. That was the mistake I made a while back, picking a moment where I didn't have the time to explain how I felt fully. Doh!
    But don't keep putting it off just because you're waiting for the right time, or you could be putting it off forever.
    If you don't tell her, then you'll never know. Don't make the other mistake I've made on more than one occasion, of not telling her. Otherwise you may find, as I did several months later, that they did like you, but are with someone else now. Doh!

    How good a friend are they. If they're the sort of friend you spend hours talking with, about anything and everything. Have a good laugh together, and muck about together, then I'd definitely say take the chance and tell them.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Keep it zipped. Seriously.

    Well that's what I'd do, but it's a personal choice.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If a friendship is going to turn into something more, then chances are it will happen naturally. Therefore it should seem "weird" or like if you said something it would mess up what you have. If it does seem weird, then you should probably think twice about doing it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends...do you have a BF/GF?

    if you are going to tell someone you fancy them but keep a boyfriend or girlfriend secret, then thats wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In my experience i have made the move and told them and I don't regret doing so
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In MY experience, it's never worked out.
    Dating mates for me, has always ended awkwardly.. lie my ex best mate and I became more than friends, and after a day it became too weird.
    3 years later, I've not spoken to him once.

    I'd keep it zipped, until you are really sure that they feel the same.

    Ilora x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i havnt posted for a very longtime,i hav 2 much to do but i hav freetime now so i thought as this is a very gd subject that i should post some advice....

    tell her/him that u hav feelings for them,u'll b doin nothing wrong if they take it ok then everythings still gd,if they take it better than ok,u've dun well but if they take it extremely badly then mayb they aint as gd a friend as u thought,if they dont like the idea but still wanna b m8s then say fine and that u'll use them feelings to make the friendship strong,no matter what u cant lose out
    gd luck with ur friend :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    good advice there, its the telling them thats the problem, ya dont want to say it wrong, or say it in a way that it comes out wrong :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you already have a partner then you obviously dont love them that much do you? So break up, then ask the friend. But you cannot have your cake and eat it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im single she's not....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rich21
    im single she's not....

    Oh, right, sorry :blush: .

    Wait until they break up. That way you are equal. If it is meant to be then...

    But if you get together then you will be breaking up a relationship, thats a no-no.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whatever u do, dont force them to break up, cos the chances are, in the end, she may hate u for doing that...
    If its meant to be then in time it will happen, dont try to make things happen, cos chances are in my opinion, ull try to hard, n nowt will come of it, or ull lose ur mate out of it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For god's sake MAN! Shush! Bite your tongue. People have done this to me when I'm with a chap, and it's ALWAYS upset me loads, because I don't want to upset anyone, and I'm happy with my bloke.

    It's ALWAYS SO annoying as soon as you've gotten a bloke, you are labelled available to other chaps. How shit. :|
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by 1983
    For god's sake MAN! Shush! Bite your tongue. People have done this to me when I'm with a chap, and it's ALWAYS upset me loads, because I don't want to upset anyone, and I'm happy with my bloke.

    It's ALWAYS SO annoying as soon as you've gotten a bloke, you are labelled available to other chaps. How shit. :|

    Sheesh !! Who pissed in your chips !!!

    :impissed:

    Whats up am i not allowed to have an opinion now, am i not allowed to air my views, oh well in that case i'll keep them to myself until im ready to kill myself then in that case, oh what feckin joy for my family eh :rolleyes:

    My opinion, is just that, MINE, just cause YOU dont like being told doesnt mean anyone else does.....
    For all you know the person i like may just be happy i like them etc.....So go and shush yourself !

    Thesite.org - Where you can have an opinion but expect to get bollocked because you have one !!!
    (why bother :rolleyes: )
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rich21
    Sheesh !! Who pissed in your chips !!!

    :impissed:

    Whats up am i not allowed to have an opinion now, am i not allowed to air my views, oh well in that case i'll keep them to myself until im ready to kill myself then in that case, oh what feckin joy for my family eh :rolleyes:

    My opinion, is just that, MINE, just cause YOU dont like being told doesnt mean anyone else does.....
    For all you know the person i like may just be happy i like them etc.....So go and shush yourself !

    Thesite.org - Where you can have an opinion but expect to get bollocked because you have one !!!
    (why bother :rolleyes: )

    Erm. You asked what I thought, I told you.

    It is unfair to put her in the spot when she might be perfectly happy with her current boyfriend. I think you're being selfish and not considering the possible outcomes. This is MY opinion. I didn't bollock you, I just told you a little more bluntly, because you had to be told. Sorry for the honesty which you pretty much requested for.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What you didnt know was this..

    The main reason i didnt want to tell her was exactly because of that, she has a b/f and i am not usually the type to interfere in that kind of thing, But and she knows this i care for her deeply, and anyway she knows now, I told her she said she was happy about it cause she likes me to. . . . but she loves her boyfriend, and thats fine its not my place to come between that, and i wont, She told me her answer, and i have accepted it, Shes not free, but one day who knows how things will be, only time can tell what will happen, who knows maybe in the mean time i'll meet someone else, though highly unlikely !

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ohhh..aw well, kudos. Sorry, mate. :)

    Didn't know you'd already asked.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i dont really know if it was the right thing tbh, but ive done it now, i have this problem when i fall for someone and that is that i want to tell them straight away and its mighty hard to resist the temptation, but she knew how i felt about her as a mate, how much i cared etc so today i just told her, wasnt sure how she would react but it went better than i expected i kinda prepaired myself for being told she didnt want to know me but she does, still she knows now ( :wave: hewo to you if u read this ) and she knows now how i really feel for her, though i still feel the same as before, i just care even more, if that makes sense.

    Life is life, its unfair sometimes, and fair at other points..who knows what life holds for us, i just try to live each day as it comes, so far excep for one thing life seems to be going well for me again.....*wonder how long it wil last :rolleyes: )
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, you didn't mention that she had a boyfriend. If you'd said that right from the start then I'd have said don't tell her, and wait until she breaks up with him before asking. You may have just made things a big awkward between you as friends. Then again you may not have. But I doubt if things will ever quite be the same between the two of you after telling her. At least you had the courage to tell her.

    And it's no good having a go at 1983, she's just giving her thoughts and opinions, which is what this place is all about, and what you were asking us for.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah , and sorry to 1983 btw i wasnt in a great mood last night, which is no excuse to have a go at you, so i owe you an apology 1983 - sorry - :)

    mr_wobble, from what ive sen so far, the advice you have given on here has been top notch, makes sense, as im sure everyone would agree, certainly whenever ive read things you have said its made sense to me. Seem like a very decent chat must say, :)

    Thing is that i have this problem that when i fall for someone i always feel the need to tell them straigh away, and yes i know that isnt good, but its an overpowering feeling.In reference to telling this girl, well you would have to ask her yourself if she feels differantly about me, as far as im away she fine with it, And i think that we can, work round it shall i put it, we will stay mates, we will, shes a lovely girl, she knows i think that, and shes an amazing person.

    Anyway.......

    Thank you
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