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7 long years

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys...well....I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years.

we lived apart for ages me in London him in Cardiff.

However...things just seem so bad between us at the moment.
We havent had sex for 3 months and even before then it was sporadic.
We fight and bicker most of the time and if he's not sleeping on the sofa then I am.
He drinks quite a lot and at the weekend I walked in on him having a wank, magazine in one hand and video on the TV. I just walked out and went shopping (If annoyed spend some money.)
he called me on the mobile crying and asking me to come home so I did.
We had a long chat about his drinking, the arguing, wanting to be close again. I asked if he was depressed or unhappy and tried to find out why he is so angry all the time and he just basically said he's worried because we aren't as close as we were in the past.
We had a hug and went for a long walk and it all seemed fine..
but then he came home from work lastnight in the usual bad mood, took whatever was bothering him out on me and basically made me feel so rotten I slept on the sofa.
We seem to be trapped in a circle of bickering and misery and I want it to stop yet I'm resentful that it always semms to be me who is treading on eggshells, making the peace and trying to keep him happy.

What can we do? Should I just leave..silly question because I want to stay and make it work ...what shall we do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really dont know if this would help, but anyways. Maybe go see a counciler? Sorry to hear you are having probs! Hope you work something out eventually. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aw honey - this isn't an easy situation, and it must be tearing you apart. What's clear is that you can't resolve it in a head-on battle of wills. No matter how much either of you want to make this work, it won't happen while you're living in the same space.

    Part of what happens with familiarity is the ability to take a partner for granted and to take the familiarity itself for granted to the extent that you almost push them and it away. Does that make sense?

    I suppose what i'm trying to say is that you need to be reminded of the reasons for your relationship. WHY you love each other, and why you can't break up. This will take time and, most importantly, distance. You can't do this living in each other's pockets.

    Take some time out - both of you - seperately, and soon. You're in a rut, maybe things have been compromised in the past, and you badly need to figure out what YOU want to do at this juncture. I'm not purely talking about relationships-wise either. Think about your own ambitions, desires, plans and decide whether it's possible to fulfil them in this relationship. You'll only be unhappy if you decide to leave all of that behind.

    I see in another post you're thinking about moving house. Even something as simple as that could be the injection of 'freshness' your relationship needs. I hope it is.

    You sound like you have a lovely, if rather confused, man at the moment, and i hope that you can work this out. You want to sort it out, which is the first step, and clearly so does he.

    So the cement's there - are the bricks going to fit?

    Good luck honey - my hugs are with you. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to Ireland in April on my own perhaps the space will give us both time to sort ourselves out?

    [ 27-03-2002: Message edited by: byny ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know wot ya mean i used to get that with my girlfriend the feeling that were drifting apart and i was really stuck with things to do its not lieki wanted to split up but there wenrt a lot i felt i could do about it so we hada break from one another and after a lot of soul searching ecdied to give it a go but it olny lasted anotehr 6 months after that. But 7 years is a lot of you r life to throw away and theer must ahve been somethign there in teh 1st palce to make u stick at it

    xx deeby doo xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey byny...I am going through a very similar situation at the moment..so I don't know if I am the best person to offer advice.

    We sat down and had a long chat about what was bothering each of us and agreed to make more of an effort.

    Going away is a good idea, hopefully you will be able to sort your head out a bit.

    <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the supportive comments.

    I am going away at the end of april and we're planning to do stuff this weekend.
    hope it'll all be OK
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