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Chatting up in clubs & pubs. (Mainly questions for the girls).

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok girls. So you're in a club, and some bloke comes up to you and tries to chat you up. What do they say that makes a good impression on you? I mean, what do they actually say?
What on earth can be said that stands out and makes any decent impression upon you in the middle of all that noise where any sort of proper conversation is impossible? I don't get it? What do they say?
And what do they have to say to convince you to give them your phone number, or to dance, or even go home with them.
It's just so noisy in some pubs, and every club, that you have to yell in short bursts, and I can never seem to make much of an impression. Obviously it's too damned noisy to be able to figure out what the sucessful ones are saying, so I just haven't a clue.
Can anybody enlighten me?

I'm just trying to figure it out, as I've been going out much more this Summer than ever before, and just can't seem to get past a few short yelled (coz of the noise) words before being brushed off.

Mods, don't move this thread into clubbing where nobody will read it, please.

Mr_Wobble ;)
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The last time we went out on a girly night we got chatted up and to be honest they did not give your normal crappy chat up lines. We were just talking to them about anything. Yes we told them we were married but I think that made them want us more lol.

    The thing that stuck in our mind that night is that they were funny, they had us laughing which made the night. We had a bit of flirty fun, they knew they were not gonna take one of us home but we all just had a laugh.

    Dont try and be something your not, just be yourself :)

    edited to add dont go to the loud, noisy bars. Some of the quieter ones you may be more likely to meet up with someone. If you go to a busy bar with loads of people then I think you miss half of the talent. You cant kind of eye a girl up across the room because she cant see you for bodies all over. I dont mean go to a boring pub just somewhere not as busy :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    The last time we went out on a girly night we got chatted up and to be honest they did not give your normal crappy chat up lines. We were just talking to them about anything. Yes we told them we were married but I think that made them want us more lol.

    The thing that stuck in our mind that night is that they were funny, they had us laughing which made the night.

    Dont try and be something your not, just be yourself :)
    Gahh! That's the sort of answer I wanted to avoid, which is why I asked what they said.
    I know better than to use chat up lines, I know I shold just "be myself" (and I am), and I know every girl on the planet says they like someone funny who makes them laugh. But I don't know how the hell to be funny when you've got to yell above the noise to be heard. What the hell do they say that's so funny? My question is about what do they say, literaly what do they say? Examples please. What is so funny?
    Obviously I can't hear what they're saying because of the noise, and therefore I can't learn from it. I can only learn from my mistakes - in other words, opening my mouth and trying to start a conversation. :(
    It's just too noisy in most bars, pubs, and clubs around here. They always play music way too loud so it distorts, hurts your ears, and you can't have a conversation.
    Yes, I'm annoyed, and extremely frustrated. I just want some idea of what you all find so funny?

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Mr_Wobble
    Obviously I can't hear what they're saying because of the noise, and therefore I can't learn from it. Mr_Wobble ;)

    which is why I said go to the quieter bars :D

    To be honest I started the conversation with these fellas, as I had a couple of drinks in me. The first thing I said is I know your face, did you used to work at Cummings. Anyway he made some witty remark which I cant remember and we all just started talking. I honestly cant even remember what was said half the night but we had a laugh.
    It does help the situation if you met someone like me and my mate when you were out because after a couple of drinks we talk to anyone, not just fellas even the lasses. I can see someone sat having a pint and I will have a bit of crack on with them, I will talk about anything which by now you probably know lol, but seriously when im in the pub, after ive had a couple of drinks I can actually talk to strangers if I was sober then theres no way id do it.
    I honestly dont know what to say to you, apart from go out on a maybe a Thursday night when its not as busy maybe?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm, this always seems to be the problem whenever I've asked friends in the past. I get "I dunno, I was drunk". :eek2: Hmmm, fat lot of help. :(
    I just wish I knew what you girls found so funny? :confused:

    Actually, Thursdays are quite busy here. I went out last Thursday actually, and going out again this Thursday with a group of us from work, and the staff from the local shop branch. There are two clubs with 80's nights, so all the bars/pubs are busy, and all playing music too damned loud.
    Why, whenever I'm out with a group of people, do they always seem to stand right by one of the feckin' speakers, just to make sure nobody can hear a damned thing.
    Now, the thing with overhearing a conversation/chat up, is that even in a quiet pub/bar you have to be sooo close to hear anything. So around here, fat chance. :(

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I forgot to ask the blokes. What works for you? What do you say to girls when you want to talk to them. And if it's funny, what do they find funny.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The main thing is to try to be more like a friend to them than someone trying to chat up, be more of a relaxed conversation.

    The best is if you see them somewhere make and hold eye contact and then cme back over later- ask their name- what they do, work schoool etc: and you should be able to interact of finding something to work of from there. A little lie never hurt...
    But try to be yourself- few jokes make them smile and you interesting- tell a little story here or there about your mates last time he was in here or something the taxi driver said on the way out or something!

    Always always be confident! It shows so much-
    Try dab some aftershave on your neck and the back of your ears in a place thats noisy that's where they'll be talking to!
    Try to keep eye contact!
    If its going well offer to buy her a drink (this is normally the make or break time) tell them they can buy you the next one jokingly!Generally you can tell if its time to stay or move on from here!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll tell you a little story.

    Two of my mates were outside a bar one night , this girl walks past, my mate kickes her up the arse, she turns round calls him a dickhead and walks off with another girl.

    "what did you do that for wanker" says the other mate

    he replied "when shes more pissed I'll go and talk to her, she'll remember me, but not that I kicked her"

    Sounds like bollcoks but it worked:lol:

    Saying that, they were from Cheetham Hill....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: Well, that's an entertaining story. Chance in a million it'd work though. I think he got lucky with it.

    Anyway. I think people still don't quite get what I'm asking. When you girls are apporached in a club, what do blokes say that makes an impression on you? I mean, what do they actually say?

    Similar question for blokes. What do you say that makes an impression on them and keeps the conversation going?

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wobble do you know why Beckyboo can't remember exactly what funny things they said? Girls will laugh at any shit you spew if they find you attractive. If a gorgeous hunky man and a nerdy spotty skinny beanpole both cracked the same joke, the girl listening would laugh louder and harder for the hunk.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^ its true..

    if i find the guy attractive then i will want to talk to him and give him my number. if i dont then it doesnt matter what he says, i'll just brush him off.

    you just need to make eye contact with a girl for a bit to see if she likes you. if she does well then go speak to her and just be interested in her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sir Cum
    Wobble do you know why Beckyboo can't remember exactly what funny things they said? Girls will laugh at any shit you spew if they find you attractive. If a gorgeous hunky man and a nerdy spotty skinny beanpole both cracked the same joke, the girl listening would laugh louder and harder for the hunk.
    Yes, I know that's true. So true. But I've seen unatractive, fat, cocky, blokes get away with chatting up, and that has to be down to confidence, and what they're saying. Ok, so they don't get far, but they often get a grope, a kiss, and the girls aren't trying to brush them off, or get away. And I'm talking about very good looking girls in most cases. So those blokes must be saying something, but I can't figure out what.

    Maybe I should learn to lip read? :)

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lipsy
    ^ its true..

    if i find the guy attractive then i will want to talk to him and give him my number. if i dont then it doesnt matter what he says, i'll just brush him off.

    you just need to make eye contact with a girl for a bit to see if she likes you. if she does well then go speak to her and just be interested in her.
    Ooooookay. So, you really mean it doesn't matter what the hell a bloke says? But surely you must've been chatted up by a bloke who isn't someone you're normally attracted to, but he flirts well, and whatever he's saying must keep you talking to him, maybe even going as far as giving your number. I see it all the time, but just can't figure out what they hell they say to keep the conversation going, and keep her interest. That must've happened, so what did they say?

    Now, what sort of things do blokes say that shows they're interested in you then? Give me an idea! This is so frustrating, it's like trying to get blood out of a stone. What do they say? What do you talk about?
    Come on, give me some help here! I really am useless at chat up. Why, because I can't seem to get a conversation going, or keep one going. What sort of things do they say? I can't learn by observation (listening) because it's too noisy to hear anything. Help me here. Someone. Just give me a clue.

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fall over in front of them and laugh at yourself

    couldn't just ignore you could they? :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mr Wobbles entrance into the pub :D

    Mr Wobble walks in pub, is stood at bar and theres a nice looking lass standing right next to him.

    Mr Wobble : Bloody hell its busy in here tonight aint it

    Lass : yeah it aint half

    Mr Wobble : Have you been down to Flares tonight

    Lass : yeah, wasnt half busy there too

    Mr Wobble : *smiling*
    Mr Wobble : didnt you used to work at the sports shop in the town

    Lass: No..............and then she looks away to her mate and starts nattering to her mate instead. She aint interested so let her go :)

    Next female
    Mr Wobble : You dont half look like that lass of pop idol, oh shit whats her name

    Lass : ohhh tell me more (shes smiling and grinning)

    Mr wobble : oh what the hell they call her, the one with the blonde hair, she sang 'imagine', hey she was good as well.....can you sing like that. Howay lets get to the karaoke heheheh

    Lass : the only singing i do is in the bathroom, im rubbish lol (shes laughing) as you do ;)

    Mr Wobble : Whats on at The Mardis tonight ? are you gonna be there later ?

    Lass : Yeah its cheap night tonight, half price promotion so no doubt we will end up there tonight.

    So she is keeping conversation going with you, she may be interested. Just chat about anything, keep her wanting to talk about you. You cant say "what shall I say to make her laugh" because everyone is different, what I find funny will be different to someone else. The main part is keep her interested, just talk about any crap that you want, if she's smiling and looking happy then chances are youv'e pulled. If she is talking to her mate and basically ignoring you then move onto someone else.

    Its hard to put down exactly what to say to make them laugh and even if we could tell you it would not come out the same when you actually said it.

    Just start off with generall chit chat and decide wether they are actually interested and when you think yeah I might have pulled............go for it :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Come on you lot help the lad out.

    Set the scene fellas and tell us what you say when you first encounter a female.


    I know its hard to write what you say but even just a couple of examples would help :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got approached sat and it was by a customer (from sainsburys...no hooker wisecracks plz!) and he just started tlkin to me bout work...worked as I did give him my number. Sometimes I think its the girls you lads approach-in a pack often they don't want to have men picking them off one by one, tho i dunno!

    Sometimes a loud club can be an advantage as u have to really shout to be heard or pull he person closer to you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry Sir Cum got to disagree with the good looking and laugh with them theory. I got approached by a really good looking bloke one night but he was a right dick tbh. I was polite but didn't encourage. If someone doesn't click with my sense of humour it really doesn't matter whether they're good looking or not.

    Mr Wobble, try to concentrate on setting the scene a bit more mate than the actual chat up.
    If you see someone you like try to gauge the situation with eye contact. If she continues looking over then try a smile, if she smiles back, looks away and then looks back again try to orchestrate the situation to your advantage. Wait till she goes to the toilet and then when she's on her way back just wander past her and say hi. See how she responds. It does work honestly :)

    After that just try and have a giggle. Keep it light, tease her a bit (never take the piss too badly), talk to her mates and basically just keep it light hearted.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello how are you doing?
    Having a good night?
    Come here much?
    U here with friends....(U might know the same people or she mightsay a bf- which tells you to stop or go too)

    Whats your name?

    Well hello ... Im Bond, What James bond says she? No polybond im here to fill your crack!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Docter Lurve

    Well hello ... Im Bond, What James bond says she? No polybond im here to fill your crack!

    :lol: you make me giggle muchly :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by sar's the lady
    :lol: you make me giggle muchly :)

    And make you hornily muchly to!:D

    Bond:cool:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers Dr Lurve. Those are the normal things I try. But I don't get very far, and often get the boyfriend line, which often turns out to be a lie to get rid of me, going by the way they're happily flirting/dancing/snogging other blokes later. I know it's just a polite way of saying no, but it does hurt a little bit, and knocks my confidence a little bit.

    Carolina. Thanks, but it's just the usual general, vague (though good), advice that I already know, but have awkwardness putting into practice. It's the what to say that I have problems with.

    Molo. Falling over is probably about the best, and most interesting, thing I could do. :D

    Beckyboo. Cheers. That's more like it. It gives me a few more ideas on what to say.

    At the end of the day, I'm just crap at chat up, and that's it really.
    I have found a couple of good sites with plenty of ideas, especially on what to say, though it does take some searching to get them. God that sounds naff - reading what are sort of "how to chat up" guides. :no: *shakes head in disbelief at his own patheticness* :)

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you going for girls that are perhaps...... um..... unattainable by your standards at the moment?

    Are you being fussy about the girls you chat up or not?

    What sort of vibe would you say you give off at clubs?

    I'd say gaining more girls mates would be the key to getting back into a relationship. How you do this at a club is anyone guess :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The secret it to try be friends with them before ramapnt lovers,

    Fuck all these sites about chatting them up, just be yourself talk about you what you like see have you anything in common... maybe offer after a while to buy her a drink.

    Most times people pull in clubs there is very little conversation involved, more body language! try not to worry or think about it, and if you ask 10 people and pull 1 its betters than asking 3 people and pulling none!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Docter Lurve
    and if you ask 10 people and pull 1 its betters than asking 3 people and pulling none!

    To be honest, I'm not sure if that is better. Depending on the club you at. That behaviour is kinda letchy and girls wont want a guy who's gone through 3 girls before he gets to them!

    No one likes the idea of being 2nd best that much.

    And I imagine girls see blokes chatting up other girls. If you’ve been turned away by 9 girls, I don't think you'd pull the 10th. She'd have most likely seen you sniffing around all them other girls and tell you to piss off.

    But then what do I know, I'm single and :crazyeyes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck it! At least you tried ;maybe ten is a bit much but you see the point im getting at! A bit of sweet talk telling her she's lovely she'll soon forget it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Docter Lurve
    Fuck it! At least you tried ;maybe ten is a bit much but you see the point im getting at! A bit of sweet talk telling her she's lovely she'll soon forget it!

    Lol I guess your right.

    But you'd need balls of steel to pull it off, something I'm lacking.

    I'd aim lower, rather then the prettiest girl to begin with. If your getting back into the swing of things. Less chance of her saying no and making you feel like shit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    last time i tried it i did it as a double team with a female friend of mine, it soooo helps.

    the female friend can either first break the ice and introduce or hold the conversation strong after you have broke the ice

    just make sure she's not there with some guy tryin to get into her or don't leave it too late so that a guy she fancies has time to ask her out for a drink.........
    :mad:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by molo
    last time i tried it i did it as a double team with a female friend of mine, it soooo helps.
    :yes: It sure does. I noticed that when I went out with my girl mate for a drink and we were laughing and joking other girls were looking at me. I've not tried taking my mate to try and pull girls tho.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by molo
    last time i tried it i did it as a double team with a female friend of mine, it soooo helps.

    the female friend can either first break the ice and introduce or hold the conversation strong after you have broke the ice
    Good idea, as if you're seen with someone it shows you're not alone, and if it's a female friend it shows you are someone who girls want to spend time with, and that you're someone who can (hopefully) be trusted (ie safe).
    It makes them interested in you too, and look like you're someone they might want to be with.
    I've never been out with a girl as a friend, so don't know what sort of looks I'd get. But I notice more looks when out with a mixed group of friends. It's as if being with friends validates you as someone who might be interesting, and fun to be with (and as I've already said - safe).

    I like the idea of also going out with a girl so that she can help keep the conversation going.
    Originally posted by Ilson-YouthReally depends what your wanting from the night mate, a potential partner? or a shag?
    Either. The only thing is, clubs, and most pubs/bars, are just meat markets, and I know it's unlikely I'll meet a future girlfriend in one.
    As for a shag. Well, if I had the chat up skills, maybe I could pull that off. I've never yet pulled in a pub or club. Going back to the beginning of the thread - I just can't think of anything to say in short bursts of shouting in someone's ear (due to the damned noise) that makes the right impression, and can't keep the conversation going under those circumstances. Especially as we can only hear half of what each other is saying. :(
    Ilson, I wouldn't have the courage to try to grab a girl's boobs like that in a club. Anyway, she would never hear what I was trying to say. It's bad enough having them walk away when you try to say something and can't be heard properly, let along groping them. That just wouldn't work for me. As I said at the beginning of the thread, I need ideas on what to say in a loud club/pub enviroment.

    You say "just use your wit" and "smart comments", but that's the problem, my wits aren't quick enough for spontaneity, especially with all the noise around which means whatever I say isn't going to be heard properly, and I can't hear her properly either.
    Sure, I can think of something good to say five minutes later - which is five minutes too late. That's why I'm asking for ideas on what to say, and in particular asking girls what they like being said to them, because I've never worked out how to be quick witted and funny (they all say they like a bloke who makes them laugh).
    Originally posted by Harmless Are you going for girls that are perhaps...... um..... unattainable by your standards at the moment?
    Perhaps. But I'm fed up of the not so good looking girls. I'm fed up with fat girls. I'm fed up with bitchy girls. I'm fed up of girls that think they're fantastic when they're really mutton dressed as lamb.
    I have standards, and every time I've lowered them it's ended badly. I'm just fed up, and have set my sights higher. Maybe too high. Maybe I am aiming outside of my league even. I don't approach a girl unless there is something I really like about the way she looks.
    However, I think they're unobtainable mainly because I can't strike up, and keep, a conversation going in a club. I've seen some below average, and downright ugly, blokes chat them up sucessfully. How? By being confident, cocky, and knowing exactly what to say, and to keep going. What do they say? I wish I frigging well knew! That's what I'm asking on this thread. Girls, what do they say to you????? What makes the difference? :confused:
    Are you being fussy about the girls you chat up or not?
    Yes. See above. No point in approaching a girl I'm not attracted enough to. If anything did come of it, either a shag or date, then my heart wouldn't be in it 100%, and it wouldn't be that enjoyable.
    What sort of vibe would you say you give off at clubs?
    Uncomfortable. Awkward. Desperate. Out of place. Loner (as in being there on my own without friends). Well, that's how I feel at times. I need to go with friends. The only problem is that I don't have any friends up here, and making friends is a slow process for me. The nearest I have are workmates. But whenever I've been out with them they just sit there in a corner (usually in a corner where the music is too damn loud to chat) and get drunk. I may as well have gone on my own.
    I don't think I give off a very good vibe. And when you're on your own it's hard to just keep smiling as if you're enjoying yourself. If anything, that would look stranger, and weird. :eek2:
    Originally posted by Docter Lurve The secret it to try be friends with them before ramapnt lovers,

    Fuck all these sites about chatting them up, just be yourself talk about you what you like see have you anything in common... maybe offer after a while to buy her a drink.

    Most times people pull in clubs there is very little conversation involved, more body language! try not to worry or think about it, and if you ask 10 people and pull 1 its betters than asking 3 people and pulling none!
    Ok, so how do you become friends with a girl in a club? It's down to chatting up, and what to day. So what exactly do you say? I need ideas.

    After a lot of searching I did find a couple of sites that had a bit on things to say, which is what I'm asking here! What do you say? I can eventually come up with an opener, but after that I fail fast.
    Just saying "be yourself", "be funny", or "make her laugh" isn't enough advice. I know all that. I've heard it a billion times. But what I haven't heard, and can't hear, is what to actually say to keep a conversation going under the usual club/pub/bar conditions.
    Take me away from the noise, smoke, claustrophobia, and confusion, of those surroundings and I'm OK, but I can't work out how to keep a conversation going in short bursts among all that.

    God, this is frustrating. :(

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Geezer, the best advice I can throw at u here is to not look to the clubs for places to chat girls up. I agree with u the noise makes it very difficult. The only times I've pulled in clubs (definitely count them on both hands) I have barely spoken a word to them. Just kinda started dancing with them, sometimes got their name but most times just dirty dancing and then a snog.

    Why not forget the nightclubs for now and learn a skill that will be useful in them later - dancing? I've heard off a mate that the dance class he started going to recently is rammed full of fit birds and there are only about 5 guys there! Not really my scene but I thought I'd put this option out there to u so u can make ur own mind up.

    If u r determined to go the clubbing route though then go to one that has a 'chill out' room - you know, the one where it's cooler, quiet (sometimes no) music and more seating. You'll be able to chat in here. From what u've said so far u can start up a conversation with a girl but have problems keeping it going through not knowing what to say.

    Ok so for my 2 cents of advice then this little tactic has always worked well for me (admittedly outside of the clubbing atmosphere): Point out a guy who obviously has no idea (maybe a nerd, or a minger, etc.) and say "You know, you two would make a GREAT couple!" This says a lot of good things about you. It shows that you are confident and don't mind associating her with other guys. Her normal response is "Urgh, NO!" so just keep going from there. Perhaps say "It's ok, I can see ur shy, I'll just go get his attention and bring him over here for a quick chat." You could point out another guy if u like. This is funny too (well, I think it is, and whenever I've used it they've always laughed).

    This should help and if it doesn't and she does actually go for him (LOL) then please fire some random abuse my way.

    Cheers!
    Powboskie.
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