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Boyfriend off to uni

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
The boy i've been with for about 2 years (with a few months break up early on) is going to university on 27th, about 3 and a half hours drive away from here.
I'm in year 13, hoping to go to university after a levels.
Next weekend he's going with his family to see his grandparents so i won't get to see him then, and i'm at school all day for the rest of the fortnight. I was hoping to see him most days after school, but obviously he's got loads to do, and wants to see all his friends and family (his dad's come back from the navy for now, but won't be around at christmas).
we haven't actually decided what we're doing when he goes (splitting up or long-distance)but i don't hold out much hope, he says we should just 'see how it goes', but i guess that as he hasn't pledged determination to stay together we probably won't manage it.
i just don't know what i'm gonna do with myself for the next year, i like him sooo much, and we used to see each other loads. he really is my best friend, and most of my friends are in the year above so they're all going too. I keep crying all the time, and its ruining the little time we have left together. he said i can go and visit him, but everything will have changed so much, it'll never be the same, i really wish he was staying, but that's obviously not gonna happen!
anyone else had a similar experience, and survived it?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Another awkward one. Your not alone, thousands will be going through this in the coming weeks :(

    I think one guy on my course at uni stayed with his girlfriend but it was only 90 minute drive. But that's from a small sample, it depends on the individuals and the relationship in question.

    I lasted 6 months in a long distance relationship and it was awful :( So many difficult emotions and you don't really know what they mean/telling you.

    Sorry I've offered no advice, but fingers crossed you will be ok
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am in that situation now. It is shit tbh :(

    We are at the broken-up-but-not-really kind of stage now.

    What ever you decide to do, it won't be easy, but hope you can work it out :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't you all agree though that if it is meant to be then distance won't be a barrier? Sure, having a long distance relationship can be hard but absense makes the heart grow fonder. You'll make up for missing each other when you do get to see one another :p;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BumbleBee
    Don't you all agree though that if it is meant to be then distance won't be a barrier? Sure, having a long distance relationship can be hard but absense makes the heart grow fonder. You'll make up for missing each other when you do get to see one another :p;)

    Yeah, that's true. All was fine and dandy for me and my fella with the long distance thing at first, because we both thought of it as just being temporary. After 4 years at uni, it would be over and we could go back to being back together again. But now, since it looks like we'll be heading seperate ways again when we graduate next summer, it's not temporary anymore, and I can't cope with not knowing when or if, we'll be back together again. :(

    Also, when you go to uni, you tend to change as a person as well (living independently and all that) and because we were both in different places, we have kind of changed in different ways. We've also both got used to our independence and so even over these summer holidays, when we're both back living in the same town again, we don't like to see each other every day! Sometimes we joke, that the only reason we've stayed together for 5 years is because we don't see each other very often!

    Sorry if that is all a bit depressing. That is just how it has worked out for me though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i hate to be the one to piss on your bonfire, but every single person i know who went to uni with a boyfriend/girlfriend, is no longer with that person.

    this isn't necessarily because they weren't right for each other, but because you change SO much when you go to uni, and there are so many new experiences and friendships that when you get back together, something has changed, and usually one or the other person can't keep up.

    althought i do believe that it's possible to stay together, in reality, it very rarely happens.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mate and his girlfriend were together for 3 years when she went and lived in france for a year on work experience. They are even closer now 2 years on than they were before then. So there is always hope. Just be positive but don't let it worry you or take over your life. Try and visit when possible and not question what he has been up to and stuff. Be nice :cool:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things change in life. You change. Your boyfriend changes. If you both change together and adapt well to the difference in your lives, then you could be fine. Just accept that things won't be the same any more.

    Lots of us are going through this, myself included - I've been with my boyfriend just over a year and we've known one another for longer, and in October I'll be in Cambridge and he'll be in Durham. Neither of us wants to lose the other and I know I'll miss him and he'll miss me, but I think we both realise that there's a chance it won't work. We're still going to try though.

    Good luck! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend and I are going to be in this situation at the end of this week. He's leaving on Saturday, and me a week later. We're both realistic about it and know it's not going to be easy and that it's likely we won't get through it, but we've still agreed that it's something we've got to try.

    I agree with BumbleBee - if it's meant to be, then we'll make it through the distance barrier. My parents were together when one of them was in London and the other in Manchester, and they're still together 23 years later, so it's difficult but not impossible!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BumbleBee
    Don't you all agree though that if it is meant to be then distance won't be a barrier? Sure, having a long distance relationship can be hard but absense makes the heart grow fonder. You'll make up for missing each other when you do get to see one another :p;)

    yeah i think this i also live by the motto "if you love someone let them go, if they come back to you there yours if they dont they never was"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BumbleBee
    Don't you all agree though that if it is meant to be then distance won't be a barrier? Sure, having a long distance relationship can be hard but absense makes the heart grow fonder. You'll make up for missing each other when you do get to see one another :p;)

    This is just my personal opinion.

    I don't honestly think your right? I was in a long distance relationship last year for 6 months. We fell madly in love with one another but the distance creates many different emotions. In a relationship ur meant to be happy, but the distance causes depression which really gets you down and confused. In the end she dumped me because "things were'nt feeling right"

    At the time, I knew she loved me and I begged for her to change her mind but she wouldn't. I was gutted.

    Anyway that was a year ago and we are still in touch via e-mail and MSN frequently.

    I don't really want to give my exact location away, but I live quite near to that young 15 year old who was in the press a few weeks ago where he ran off with the young girl from the Isle of Wight. My ex saw the papers and said she was still in love with me and thought about me daily and was positive that if the distance wasn't in the way we would still be togther.

    The distance is awful and in way is "another person" in the relationship if you understand what I'm trying to say? It's really hard to explain but it's an awful situation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was away from my boyfriend for 18 months - we were both working and I can tell you that a full time job puts a lot more restrictions and strains on a relationship than a college course.

    However...If you are upset and crying now its only going to get harder, together with the feelings of jelousy you are bound to get about him having a fun time in Uni AND meeting new friends (Some of which will be girls)

    A long distance relationship can work but only if both people want it to and if jelousy or paranoia doesn't rear its ugly head
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends wholly on the couple really - on what the individuals are like.

    My sister met her boyfriend about 3 weeks before he was leaving to go to Harrow in London to do a years uni placement. She was soon to be going to York uni. However, they decided to give it a go and are still together 15 months down the line.


    Good luck with whatever you decide to do :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've just started Uni (2nd Year) and i'm actually living at home (for now) and me and my G/f have just had this very discussion/argument....what if i meet someone at Uni.

    Well the Honest answer to this is i can't say that i won't meet someone new whilst at Uni, BUT! why would i want to throw what i have with here away and chance it on someone i just met?? if you've been with your B/f for 2 years you obviously like each other ALOT! so things should be ok.

    I am also thinking about moving into Halls otherwise i'm gonna miss alot of Social Life, and although this would actually move me closer to my G/f She's even more worried about me meeting someone new, but again like i said to her, Why would i want to chance what i have with her over someone new i just met at Uni?

    hope that lays some fears to rest :S
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it definitly creates problems becuase of the change in lifestyle.
    and i agree with punto, it causes depression too..and loadsa confusion about what you really want.

    i lasted through to the end of first year with my ex-boyf but i couldn't handle only seeing him once a week. for me it was 'out of sight, out of mind". not that i cheated but that i wanted to go out with people at uni and it started to get lonely when people were pairing up in clubs and bars.

    if you think it can work, give it a go.

    it only worked for one couple that i know, every other split up. although she has another 4years ahead of her and they argue ALL the time because they're so frustrated about only seeing each other every couple of weeks.


    to everyone who is in this situation:

    i wish you good luck and i really feel for you x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well..that was a bit doom and gloom! :p

    you've been together for 2 years, it's gotta be worth a go :yes:

    don't throw it away just 'cause he's off to uni :no:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lucifer devil
    well..that was a bit doom and gloom! :p



    lol i know, im cynical!

    even if they can make it work it will be hard
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sowwy :\

    its not a foregone conclusion! it might work!..
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