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This is strange

Ok so he doesnt love me any more, what am i sposed to do now?
I feel like ive wasted the last 8 months of my life!
Ive trusted him like no one else before!
Ive love him more than anyone could have loved before!
I loved him more than an addict love his drugs!
And he's left me!
I put my heart and soul into out relationship!
I'd do anything for him!
I want to be his wife, i want to spend my life with him!
But he's fucked me around so much, one minute he's telling me that he wantd to take me up the isle and we fight about what our kids names will be, and then he's telling me that he dont want me anymore, that it's not me its him, that crappy lil line thats so many skumbags use!

He's still fucking me! ive tried telling him no, but what dose that do! fuck all thats what! He'll just do it anyway! he always gets his way!
Now it seems that even i hug when i feel scared is to much to ask from him!
I have never before felt like killing myself so much as i am feeling now! ive held a blade at my wrist but wussed out! ive sliced up my shoulder instead........My head is spinning, ive smoked a massive spliff and i feel like passing out! i never want to wake up! its better than this crappy hell hole we call life!
Beep boop. I'm a bot.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Zella,

    i'm really sorry to hear about what's happened but please don't take it out on yourself.

    Things will get better, it'll just take time. Keep talking to people, keep yourself busy and try not to dwell on things too much.

    Don't let him mess you around, stay strong.

    If you continue to feel suicidle or/and depressed go and see you GP or call the Samaritains. Their number is on the end of this article, along with some helpful info

    http://www.thesite.org/magazine/specials_mental_health/depression/feeling_suicidal.html

    Thinking of you,

    Lu x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you always thought you'd be a mother one day and have a few kids running around the place?

    Well maybe you should use that thought to plant a seed of hope in your mind.

    If yo were to kill yourself - those kids would never be born. .. There father might not be the guy you thought it would be but don't lose hope.

    Where's there's life .. there's always hope.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: This is strange

    oh well at least you was feeling happyer last night.

    oh zella please stop cutting your arms. i know its hard and i know that the urge is there just to tear yourself apart but there is no need to blame yaself for nowt wasnt you fault.

    look i have known ya a short while and you helped me out:) i owe you alot thnx.

    chin up pull though. ya strong zella i know you are and you know it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i honestly dont know what to say apart from sorry. it'll be hard for you, alot of people have felt or are feeling the same, dont blame yourself. its not worth the hasscle or the stress your putting on yourself. im not going to lie to you and say it'll be easy but you will be ok, it only takes time. its so surprising how you can love someone with your whole heart and when something happens it rips it into tiny pieces, numerous people have felt this way. i'll admit it happened to me and i stayed in bed for a couple of days crying to myself. but i had to get up, be strong and go to work. i had to act like everything was deadon even though i just wanted to curl up and die. but after a few weeks and months i reliesed that she was missing out on my company (i know its pretty lame) but i tried to forget about her. i then found the prospect of going out to pubs/clubs/shopping centers/anywere shit and hated it. anyway i became friends with a girl that the exact same thing happened to me. our relationship grew but i made sure that i wouldnt fall for her as i didnt want my heart broke again. but you cant make your heart do something that it wants to, so now im in a relationship with a girl that i honestly didnt want to fall in love with now i am. so i know it'll break my heart if we ever break up but thats the way life is. its shitty but when your happy its worth it. sorry for blabbering on and im sure most of yous wont read it but i hope everything works out ok. which im sure it will.

    take care

    Dave x
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