Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

After the breakup: why does it feel like nothing's changed?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so you recently break up with someone you've been with for a while. You weren't that serious, but you did care loads about each other. You talked and thought you'd be better of as friends: now comes the hard bit.

You get on so well as friends (better than when you were going out) that nothing seems to change. You still think of them as *yours* (well not owenership but you know as in *your* girlfriend/boyfriend) and still hang out with them. You still touch them like you did before (not rude but you know the excessive loved up touching like back of neck hands and everything)

And then you remind yourself you're not going out anymore and it doesn't really make sense. (but of course; it was for the better)

Heh. Confusing indeed :yes:

What you going to do now?

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just a question.do u still want to be with her?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by C1_9_8_5
    just a question.do u still want to be with her?

    :yes: and :no:

    and it wasnt about me it was about *you*



    But the reason we broke up was because of school really, she wanted to be able to concentrate on schoolwork without worrying about neglecting me etc and I didn't want a girlfriend who was there 1/2 the time you know? But we still like each other just it's better this way. But am I supposed to try to get over her now? :confused: Because it's like the same except no pressure anytime or anything :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why :yes: and why:no:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oops i missed that bottom bit. silly me:blush:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by C1_9_8_5
    why :yes: and why:no:

    :yes: Because I'm crazy about her and she's likes me too and we just connect like... *no words to describe*

    :no: Because probably school will get in the way and we'll start feeling awkward again and then we'll get stressed and stuff.



    But usually with a girl I know I *have to get over her* eventually, but with her it's like there's no need kinda, like it's just a different stage in our relationship? :confused:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stating the obvious but shes ther even less than 1/2 the time now uv finished it so perhaps it was better the way it was if u still hav feeliings for er. and also u wont get over her if your still seeing eachother all the time.u just end up giving eachother the wrong impression
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's period of adjustment

    Happens when you've spent a certain amount of time having someone in your life. It takes time to switch off them feelings and look at them in a different light (Perhaps, with some people, you never lose them feelings, moreso if the person is your first love!)

    You wanna know what I'd do?

    Have some time and space on my own, sort my shit out and meet new people. If you two are going be mates that flirt, that's fine. BUt you need to draw the line somewhere and try and curve them feelings because if she/he finds a new lover, your going to end up with a broken heart.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless
    if she finds a new lover, your going to end up with a broken heart.

    :yes: you're too right :(

    So what do I do then? Go for a series of flings? (dont want to hurt her feelings though; like she would mine kinda) and just mess about you know. OR just take a break from everything. Or just hang around her being like we are now (though neither of us will gain) or am I just going to drop back stay single till she finished the stress and *maybe* wants to go back out again? :confused:

    TCH! I'm 15 shouldn't be worrying about this...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by C1_9_8_5
    stating the obvious but shes ther even less than 1/2 the time now uv finished it so perhaps it was better the way it was if u still hav feeliings for er.


    well it feels like more now because theres no pressure to see each other. also; at school she hangs around me more than she did before...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds similar to something that happened to me once. we split up on good terms (decided we were too young to be gettin serious) and then the nxt day at college we spent mor time together than we had wen we were going out. we eneded up getting bak together but it wasnt worth it cos things just got really shit and we split up again but on bad terms this time and now we dont spk so sumtimes i ges its best to leave it even tho you still hav feelings for eachother
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Relax, don't worry

    Play it by ear, take each day as it comes and don't plan how you will be round her. At 15 you could do a lot worse then having your heart broken. It'll recover and you will be able to see things in a new light.

    Just be natural and don't worry so much (you'll give yourself a heart attack!)

    If it feels good at the time, don't worry about the future (you've got years & years ahead of you for all that)

    If what you do now turns out to be a mistake, make sure you learn from it. You can't do anymore then that.

    Look at it this way....

    What's worse? A broken heart (that will recover) or regretting not staying with her?
    You think too much and it'll mess it all up.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless
    What's worse? A broken heart (that will recover) or regretting not staying with her?
    You think too much and it'll mess it all up.

    Well it's not that thats an issue really... if I went back out with her things would go back down the drain im sure.

    where im stuck at now is should i remain flirting/friendly with her or give myself some distance from her?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    distance otherwise your both just gonna get mixed signals and neither of you will know wher u stand which isnt fair on you or her.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by C1_9_8_5
    distance otherwise your both just gonna get mixed signals and neither of you will know wher u stand which isnt fair on you or her.

    Yeah do that.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ill try... but i want to be near to her so much!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need a bit of distance from her. Unless you can cope with being around her and flirting all the time, but I think that would just make it hurt more. Spend more time with other friends, take up a new hobby, throw yourself into some schoolwork - anything which takes your mind off her for a bit.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    I think you need a bit of distance from her. Unless you can cope with being around her and flirting all the time, but I think that would just make it hurt more. Spend more time with other friends, take up a new hobby, throw yourself into some schoolwork - anything which takes your mind off her for a bit.


    Yeh but I have a big friendship group as it were, and i can't get away from her. And then at school I need to speak to her and stuff.

    The only other friends I have is online (whihc explains why I'm on here so much) and... well that's it. I don't know any hobbies I've always been a boring person; although all suggestions are most welcome :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is very hard, I totally agree.

    Me and my bloke had a talk a few weeks ago and decided it would be best if we split up because we're going back off to seperate unis for final year, and neither of us know where we're going after that.

    But, like you, nothing has changed. In fact, at first it seemed like the best thing to do, but nothing has really changed. Which means we're going to have to have another sort out of stuff before we actually do leave for uni. :sigh:

    I think these types of break-ups are the hardest. When neither of you has done anything wrong, and you're splitting up because of circumstances, you can't exactly turn your feelings off can you?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by KoolCat
    I think these types of break-ups are the hardest. When neither of you has done anything wrong, and you're splitting up because of circumstances, you can't exactly turn your feelings off can you?

    :no: :(

    The thing is now the more I remind myself I'm not with her and the more we are growing apart cos we can't hold hands cuddle and do things like that, the more it's starting to hurt. She used to speak to me because I was her boyfriend, but she's always trusted my best friend more than me (dont know why, was an issue for me heh) but now she doesn't speak to me much yet she's speaking ever more to my best friend and she would never have met him if it wasn't for me and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm trying to not talk about her to my friends, not think about her and stuff. See if I can *forget* about her cos I need the distance atm. Apart from at school where I have no choice :/
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    She used to speak to me because I was her boyfriend, but she's always trusted my best friend more than me

    That's not a good sign :no: It shouldn't be that way round. You should be her boyfriend because she trusts you etc - she shouldn't just talk to you because you're her boyfriend. That just seems wrong.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    That's not a good sign :no: It shouldn't be that way round. You should be her boyfriend because she trusts you etc - she shouldn't just talk to you because you're her boyfriend. That just seems wrong.

    heh we broke up :rolleyes: probably that had something to do with it somewhere :yes: but in everything else we said it was just because of school stress. (better than bringing everything up) but im sure if she was more interested in me to start with (she cared about me, but wasnt interested in me, its strange really :confused:) then things might have been different. Then of course, if I had made more effort :rolleyes: (this could go on forever) ...

    Either way it's over now just got to make the most of what I've got left :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only other friends I have is online (whihc explains why I'm on here so much)

    and that, my friend is your problem.
    and... well that's it. I don't know any hobbies I've always been a boring person; although all suggestions are most welcome :)

    find a hobby, there must be something your interested in, other than fucking around on the internet. don't do yourself down, this self pitying attitude isn't getting you anywhere. develop yourself rather than just sitting in front of a computer all day.

    Turn the computer off and go outside. there's a world out there, waiting for you....

    apologies for sounding a bit like a self-help manual
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    heh we broke up :rolleyes:

    I know, I kinda guessed that ;)
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    Either way it's over now just got to make the most of what I've got left :)

    Yep. Just accept that it's over and move on, and be grateful for having her as a friend.

    Good luck dude.

    LSS
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by mrkikiet
    and that, my friend is your problem.



    find a hobby, there must be something your interested in, other than fucking around on the internet. don't do yourself down, this self pitying attitude isn't getting you anywhere. develop yourself rather than just sitting in front of a computer all day.

    Turn the computer off and go outside. there's a world out there, waiting for you....

    apologies for sounding a bit like a self-help manual

    :eek: are you telling me to give up thesite? :eek: :crazyeyes :crying:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    :eek: are you telling me to give up thesite? :eek: :crazyeyes :crying:

    I think he means you should try to use it less, and perhaps not use it as a substitute for other social stuff.

    TheSite's great, don't give it up!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    I think he means you should try to use it less, and perhaps not use it as a substitute for other social stuff.

    TheSite's great, don't give it up!

    :yes: But with thesite I don't need any other social contact at all!!! :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :no: that's not good, you need to be able to talk to people without tapping your fingers in front of you as well!
Sign In or Register to comment.