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Marriage - a word or a sentence?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
In some of the other relationships posts, I've noticed some discussion around marriage, generally focussing on sex before or not?

What I'd like to do is to open this up a bit more.

*shakes head*

*apologises for double entendre. Was unintentional*

What do people think about marriage? Is it still acceptable to people as a concept, or is it another outdated idea which will gradually disappear?

I'd like answers from both perspectives, male and female, on this one.

As seems to be tradition, I'll start off...

I think that the culmination of a relationsip is to know and understand your partner. I think that you can be so close to someone that you do truly become one, in the sense that you share thoughts, and you instinctively know how to respond to your partner. At this point, you make a mental commitment to one another. I think that marriage is a physical and outward symbol of that emotional commitment. As such, it is not neccessarily a requisite to a relationship, but one which I think provides the "icing on the cake".

*shakes head again at being so cliched"

I think if I were lucky enough to be in that situation, and to have found the girl that I could connect with in that way, then I would like to publicly formalise it by marriage.

I'd quite like to know what others think, particularly to see if there is a generation gap between the younger posters and the older posters out there. So come on! Is marriage a word, or a sentence?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id like to get married one day, even though as a child my mother became widowed, then married a complete bastard who was violent.

    anyway, i want to buy a nice dress!

    quick joke: why do brides smile as they walk down the aisle?
    they know theyve given their last blow job!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Marriage is the greatest symbol to everyone of commitment to your partner, its saying that you care and want to be with them forever. And, yes, I do want to get married one day, but not for a while yet <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would only marry if i found the exact right person, as most people would obviously say. otherwise i don't see what's wrong with never marrying, even if you stay with the same person. in fact i would have more respect for a couple who stayed together for the rest of their lives without being bound by 'marriage'.
    i dont really like the whole white wedding thing (don't think this has much relevance) so i think if i were to get married i'd have like a medieval dress or something. the white things kind of gone too tacky to be traditional.
    what does everyone think about that woman auctionning herself for marriage on the internet? she wants 20 million!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just to lighten he subject up heres a few jokes about marrage

    Marragies are made in heaven. But, again, so are lightning, thunder, tornados,and hail

    My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

    A man who says marrage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand 2 things..... Women and fractions.


    We thank Dean Martin for those
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think marriage is taken upon too lightly nowadays. One of my mates wanted to get engaged just for the ring!! I also believe it is too easy to get a divorce.

    Don't really know if I want to get married, even though I love my partner more than anything and want to spend the rest of my life with him. My mum and dad had a bad marriage so it hasn't gave me the best start on the matter.

    Surely if you really love someone you don't need to have a piece of paper and a ring to prove this?? But hey maybe I'm wrong.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Although I am not religious, I sincerely believe in marriage and will hopefully be married one day. I like the tradition of it and believe it is much better than simply living with a partner.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "A man is incomplete untill he gets married, then he is finish" Zaa Zaa Gabore said I think but may be wrong <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Guess it depends on the individual and what value they put on the vows they are taking and the thngs they expect to get out of the marriage.

    I suppose one major problem is that many people like the idea of a wedding without really thinking about what being married really means.

    I know so many couple who have 'Got engaged' and it's been a really big deal but if you are going to get engaged surely you should be looking at the more important bit - the getting married?

    Personally I will never get married even though I have been with the same person for over 7 years and we plan to have kids, buy a house, get old together etc. It has just never figured in my plans. Of course I sometimes walk past a bride shop and think 'ooohh I could wear that dress' but then I snap back into reality and remmeber that really you could be spending as much as £10,000 (if you really want the dream) on one day which ultimately makes no change to the relationship.

    I don't feel any less secure in my relationship because I'm not married and wouldn't feel any more secure by getting married.

    My mum and dad married young (She was 18) but really it was because she was pregnant and it was what his parents expected. They were together for 22ish years and went through periods of terrible fighting. When they split my dad got all bitter and tried to leave my mum with no house. She ended up having to pay him off and it was all pretty stressful. Now my mum is living with her boyfriend and they are happy as can be but will never marry eachother. My dad had a good relationship for a while but was still very controlling - it was in his nature I guess. I was always very good friends with both of them and their relationships actually taught me a lot about what it takes to stay together and a marriage certificate is not a guarantee that you will.

    What I really don't understand is people who take vows that say they will forsake all others until death us do part. I could never promise that because I don't know what is going to happen. As far as I can tell I will be with Mark forever and I won't have affairs or fall in love with anyone else, hopefully the same is true of him, but I wouldn't be able to absolutely promise that it won't happen.

    My sister is going to get married to her boyfriend of 8 years and I'm quite surprised but I think she wants the big day.

    A friend of mine said her sister had asked how long me and mark had been together and when she was told 7 years she said 'what's the point, why don't they just get married'.

    I suppose just like religion marriage has no significance in my life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i think that marriage is something that should be saved when you're really really sure.
    people who get married young, generally divorce. saying this, i know many of my parents friends who married at 18 and are still going strong 30 years later.
    too much emphasis is placed on the superficial in relation to getting married; it shouldnt be about the dress, the food or the ring, it should be about whether these people love each other enough to see them through till the end of their lives.

    *re-reads and wows at the deepness!*

    although i love the guy i am with at the moment, i would never even contemplate marriage until i'm at least 26, due to my basic cynicism in regard to divorce and being a single mum etc. also, when most women marry, they end up having children, and today, women tend to have a career before this leading to getting married at a later age.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Here's a few disjointed thoughts & questions:

    With the liberalisation of marriage laws people can marry in all sorts of settings - not just church buildings - and 1000's do. I think this shows that marriage isn't particularly a religious issue - more one of basic commitment.

    Can a relationship in the long term grow beyond the level of commitment that the couple put into it ?

    It is the woman in a relationship who usually earns less & puts career on the backburner, so getting married gives women more legal protection in the event of a relationship breakup.

    I read somewhere from a trustworthy source that in the UK only 1/3 of children born outside of marriage are still living with both parents by the time they turn 16(even if the parents subsequently get married). This compares with 2/3 of children born within marriage.

    Given the choice, do you think your children want you to be/get married?

    You don't have to spend £1000s on a wedding. A 'quick & cheap' at the registry office & two strangers for witnesses would do.

    On your deathbed will you say "I'm glad I never made a public, official commitment to the person I've loved and spent my life with"?

    PK

    [ 19-01-2002: Message edited by: PK ]

    [ 19-01-2002: Message edited by: PK ]

    [ 19-01-2002: Message edited by: PK ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For me i'd want to live witht he person beforehand, because i believe only then do you know what you're gettign yourself into, however i also want my kids to have married parents, it's a thing i want!!! and also i would hate to think each of my kids had a different dad................
    As i said don't critisise me for what i want although i'm more than likely to change my mind!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I believe Marriage has become too easy in this day-in-age along with divorce and doesn't have the same morals or respect that it used to...

    I believe that people should live together before they marry and I believe that children should grow up with two parents (regardless of gender btw, but thats a different topic all together)

    People should only marry if they are 100% sure and shouldn't divorce unless they have tried to sort things out previously several times, marriage is never easy, people will argue, fall out but divorce is only a very final answer...

    I personally don't see myself ever getting married, not that I think I wouldn't make a good husband but more to do with my lifestyle.. I can dream though... <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PK:

    On your deathbed will you say "I'm glad I never made a public, official commitment to the person I've loved and spent my life with"?

    PK

    [ 19-01-2002: Message edited by: PK ]

    I have made a commitment - I live with my guy and I plan to carry on doing so . I have made my commitment to him and he is the most important person in the equasion, not his parents, my mum or our friends.


    On my death bead I won't even give it a secont thought! Why the hell should I ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you asked me when i was 10, would i ever get married then i would have said yes, no question about it. Since then i've witnessed 1 hell of a breakup from my parents which has included my mum running off to live with my uncle, a shitty divorce, custody battles, my dad getting so wound up that he has had several heart attacks, my brother turning into a quite teenager from an out going lad and my entire family split in 2 because they can't decide who is in the right.
    Having seen all this i have grown up pretty fast as you might imagine. I've had to look after my brothers since they were 4 and 5 and look after my rapidly declining dad.
    And my views have changed. I have decided that i'm gonna get married, 1 day if i find the right guy BUT i'm gonna live with him for a good few years first, at least 9 in the hope that i can really get to know him. U never know, i might blow this idal life in a few years but i hope to stick by it.
    I do think that kids who have been through divorce and the likes of custody battles are more inclined to look at marriage in a more sceptical light than those who have had a traditional family childhood.
    P.S at the moment all i care about is where my next kiss is coming from and i hope that stays my priority men wise for a very long time!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by hotphoenix:
    <STRONG>
    P.S at the moment all i care about is where my next kiss is coming from and i hope that stays my priority men wise for a very long time!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0"></STRONG>

    Sounds like the right attitude to me <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0">
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