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I think I'm going crazy!!!!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
During the past two weeks I've been having really bad dreams.

The dreams were horrible. I see my ex-gf in them, and she says to me things like she'll never come back to me, how many bf she had after she broke up with me...etc.

She and I broke up a bit over two years ago (Ok...I should REALLY have got over it by now). The break up process didn't go well, I ended up trying to bleed to death. We did keep in contact from time to time through e-mail. But since September 2001, she had never reply anymore (She's still alive and checks her e-mail, I know coz she picked up an e-card that I sent her back in November).

I always have the image that she and I will meet again some day, especially when I have a good career (I'm now in the final year of my degree).

I need some answers and advice here...
1. Is it wrong to have hope in the future? Hope that one day she'll come back?
2. If it's wrong, then how do I forget about her? I know that I have to move on some day, just don't know how.
3. Am I crazy that I'm still thinking about her from time to time?
4. Do any of you have any idea how I can get her back? Well, not that I can get her, but how to convince her...?

Thanks

Chatbox

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh poor darling... you sound miserable. I'd say "move on" but I know that you've heard that so many times before and it's not ever that easy. I know how you feel though- it's like the break-up took a part of you with it and only that person could ever make you complete again.

    In all honesty you've probably now got an idealized version of the girl in your head. After two years it's easy to remember just the good things about the relationship and forget about the bad. You're not the same person you were two years ago when you were together and you can't expect her to be the same girl either. And because of how much we all change at this age it's hard to expect the two of you to still be good together. The break up did occur for a reason after all.

    I don't think that it's wrong to keep her in your mind as the one girl that you'd like to get back with. Maybe even call her or go see her so that you can talk about how you miss her. (not email so that she has to respond to you). But if she's not interested I would leave it at that.

    And if she's not interested then find someone else who is. Have you dated anyone since the two of you broke up or are you comparing all the new girls to this old girlfriend? Try taking some girl out and keep an open mind about it... she's not your ex so don't expect her to act like your ex. Just keep an open mind and see what you like about people that is different than what you expected.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats real tough. i'd like to say keep hoping but i think you can safely say she has gone. its not a bad thing to keep hope, sometime it can be the only thing that keeps you afloat but the thing is there are so many oppurtunities and other people you pass on by all because you are still hoping she might come back to you.

    the problem with getting over long relationships when you really have been in love is you think you'll never find anyome like it again and you really dont want to go through the whole 'getting to know you from scratch' all over again but believe me it gets better and there is someone who is going to love you because you are you, now its up to you to let go and give them a chance. some people think its makes you stronger to hold on but it is usually when you let go that makes you stronger.

    perhaps you could get hold of her once more and lay your cards on the table for the last time and if she doesnt have feelings for you and doesnt want to get back together promise yourself you'll move on and get to know someone else.

    i hope i've helped. good luck.x.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey chill out man DONT WORRY BE HAPPY! <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
    ok so maybe not but at least try and stay alive dude!! ok corse theres notin wrong wit havin hope everyone needs hope to stay alive anyway, whether its in the same sort of situation as u or jus somat like hopin to have ur fav food 4dinner umm such as chips with gravy poured all over, ummmmm delicious baby!!!!! oh anyway! look ur in uni at the mo yeh? well this is sopsed to be some of the best times of ur life, so jus go out and enjoy urself, if it helps try and see her as being a rite cow and that she never did nething good for u, if it makes u feel better. Have u ever thought bout seeing a councillor, not tryin to sound patronising or nefin its jus that they may be able to help, oh i dunno, good luck dude!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Chatbox:


    I need some answers and advice here...
    1. Is it wrong to have hope in the future? Hope that one day she'll come back?
    2. If it's wrong, then how do I forget about her? I know that I have to move on some day, just don't know how.
    3. Am I crazy that I'm still thinking about her from time to time?
    4. Do any of you have any idea how I can get her back? Well, not that I can get her, but how to convince her...?

    Thanks

    Chatbox[/QB]


    My answers
    1. It's not wrong to have hope perse but I think you are obsessed and it's been 2 years so yes in this case it's wrong. You're wasting your life pining for something that probably won't happen and it's stopping you from going onto new things and enjoying the present. Who knows you may meet again but surely you can't waste so much time hoping for that.

    2. I don't know for sure but try to get involved with different people, think about different things, fancy different people take a chance - then perhaps the image of her will fade.

    3. You're not crazy - I stil think about people I was with 9 years ago but I think about them with a little smile and a wonder about what will happen if I see them again, then I carry on with my everyday life as it is now!

    4. I don't think you can get her back - she doesn't want you. Try and get someone else instead it'll be much more fun!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My advice for you is this so listen up:
    (it is actually in arabic, but i will try to translate it the best i can) here it goes:

    "You can never forget the person you loved until you get a replacement who is the at the same level as your ex. or even better"

    So... Start looking around for somebody serious and you will forget her.

    i promise you. I've tried it and it really works!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My answers:
    • 1. Its not wrong to still have hope that she will return, but it IS very unhealthy for you. Cruel as it sounds, you need to stop obsessing about this girl, and try to move onto new and better things.
    • 2. Sadly, moving on is the tricky part. There is no easy way, but if you are at Uni you should try to socialise more. There are plenty of nice lasses at Uni, so if you get out and about you may find someone whos as good as your ex, or even better. A new love is really the only way of extinguishing an old flame.
    • 3. No, you aint crazy, you obviously loved this girl a hell of a lot. Even though Ive got a wonderful gf now, I still wonder occasionally about how girls Ive known in the past are getting on. But in time you will think about her less, especially if you manage to meet a new girl.
    • 4. I dont mean to sound horrible, and its probably not what you want to hear, but you cant get her back. Two years is a long time, and its unlikely she will return now. You need to give up the expecvtation that she will drop everything and return to you, because she wont. Only then will you really be able to move on.

    Maybe you should try talking to a counsellor about why you still feel so attached to this girl, and so that in time you will be able to move on with your life. Your ex is NOT your life, there are lots of girls about...youve just gotta look <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0">

    Good luck!

    [ 16-01-2002: Message edited by: Kermit ]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This girl you talk about, it sounds like you really like her but shes not the only girl in this world. My advice is shop around, look for other girls date them if you like one keep hold of her and if she's not right for you keep looking.
    it's not finished yet
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can i just ask how long u were going out
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you all for replying and giving me great advices. Some advices were a bit too honest, but that's why I love posting here, getting honest replies from all of you out there.

    I was going out with her for a year. We were really close, she was my best friend. But when she was gone, it was like the whole world was ending...best friend was gone, my sunshine, who I thought was my soulmate (we were in love and mutually agreed that we were soulmate, so it wasn't just me), my bedtime buddy.

    To be honest, it was my fault why we broke up. I had lied to her and mentally cheated on her (nothing physical happen, will explain now). We met at the Uni of B'ham, she was a Physics student and I was doing Electronics (both first year, new enviroment, new friends...etc). At the end of the academic year, I decided to do Software Engineering and went to UMIST and had to start from first year again (didn't like electronics, that's why I moved). There at UMIST I met another girl on my course, that's when the problem started. One Friday night, the girl and I went clubbing (just like what most students do when they meet new people from their course). I was drunk (phically drunk, not mentally. I still know what I was doing), went back to her flat. Then around 02:00, girlfriend (then) phoned me, I lied about where I was (bad move, NEVER NEVER lie). That night, I slept on the floor, nothing happened (I have a strong sense of moral: No sex until love happens. Don't cheat...etc. But then if I did have a strong sense of moral, I wouldn't have gone over to this girl's flat in the first place, and lied to my ex). Next morning, I got back to my flat, felt really guilty, told my ex the whole truth, and I got dumped.

    Are you still reading this? Still awake, right?

    Here's more about what then happened.

    I got depress, very depress, tried to commit suidcide, I survived (because I didn't do it right, it would have hurt tooooooo much). She thinks I'm a physco (I can't spell).

    I have always believed that there's unconditional love out there somewhere (to a certain sane degree), but I guess it was too much for her to handle. I don't give up easily, so I tried and tried again to talk to her...but then she got another boyfriend.

    Someone mentioned "obsess" in their reply. When does wanting something become an obsession, i.e. how do you classify the two? I'm just asking to see how people would put it, not trying to be cheeky or anything.

    Later on this year, I'm going to Sydney, going to settle down over ther. I just find UK gives me too many good memories with her that I'm depress about. It's probably the furthest place I can go...

    Chatbox
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you sound like you really loved her im sorry to hear about this i really hope you can try to forget.

    i hope things get better 4 u <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0">

    goodluck

    devil
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    to me it sounds like she is the one who missed out. you obviously cared very much for her. i think a move to new zealand...even if you decide to come back in a while it'll give you some space. and you never know, some lucky gal might come along and scoop you up. good luck. <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some people said that me that if I do truely love her, I would have let her go, let her to do whatever she's happy with.

    But I still think about her from time to time and really miss her...still want to be with her.

    Chatbox
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    horrid isnt it. when you want to give someone everything you have, love, gifts...everything but they wont take it from you and they sure as hell wouldnt return it either. the feelings have to be mutual, you can love someone but it doesnt mean they'll love you back and if they dont they would never really be happy with you... could you live with that? i think you should let go... it'll take a while but you need to let go and get on.

    xxx.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello chat type person...
    just to say that I feel the same... but it's only been two months rather than two years. I feel desparately sorry for you and hope you can eventually leave her behind.
    However. Sydney is exceptionally funky... go to the lounge, it kicks arse. Yes.
    Love and hugs
    Fels...
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