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What now?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,

Right, I've been seeing a girl now for quite a while (about a year). She is a great lass and we get on well.

She went on holiday and came home last night and confessed to me that she had slept with someone else whilst she's been on holiday. She was really upset about it, apologising over and over again and telling me she has made the biggest mistake of her life, that she loves me, doesn't want me to leave her etc. etc.

Thing is, when I got with this girl I'd just been fucked about (not been cheated on) by a lass who I had been seeing for 3yrs and I said I didn't want another girl but couldn't resist and got into a relationship with this one.

I've just started having strong feelings for this girl and it has hurt me what she has done and I don't know what to do.

Should I forgive her and try and carry on?
If I carry on will I be setting myself up to get fucked about yet again by a girl?
Should I tell her to fuck off and find someone else?
Should I tell her to fuck off and stay away from girls for a while?

Any help, opinions, similar experiences would me much appreciated.

Ask any questions if you feel I've missed anything out.

cheers.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally id have a break and see how much I missed this person etc If I couldnt carry on without her id sit down and talk with her, if she persuaded me enough, or rather convinced me it was a total mistake and a one off id prolly have her back but id start off slowly, like dating all over again. If your happier without her then I wouldnt bother going back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She didn't have to tell you but because she did, she wants you to trust her and there to be no secrets between you. I think taking a break is a good idea but it does seem she really wants to be forgiven. If you can trust her again, there is no reason why your relationship shouldn't work.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by VinylVicky
    Personally id have a break and see how much I missed this person etc If I couldnt carry on without her id sit down and talk with her, if she persuaded me enough, or rather convinced me it was a total mistake and a one off id prolly have her back but id start off slowly, like dating all over again. If your happier without her then I wouldnt bother going back.
    The last 2 weeks whilst she's been away I have missed her like mad, its only in these 2 weeks I've realised how much I care about her. She has persuaded me a lot that she is sorry but a break might be good.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *raver*
    She didn't have to tell you but because she did, she wants you to trust her and there to be no secrets between you. I think taking a break is a good idea but it does seem she really wants to be forgiven. If you can trust her again, there is no reason why your relationship shouldn't work.
    I respect her totally for telling me and I've told her that aswell. I'm paranoid anyway about getting hurt by girls and this is just going to make it worse but I could take a break and see if I can clear my mind and trust her again.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sure that she is incredibly sorry and it must have been a really hard thing for her to do, telling you about it. I think you should ask her if she really wants to make an effort to make this relationship work and repair the damage she's done. If she's prepared to do that, then you can ask her to be patient while you take a little bit of a break to gather your thoughts together. Hopefully she'll be prepared to wait for a bit, because it does sound like she still really wants to be with you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    I'm sure that she is incredibly sorry and it must have been a really hard thing for her to do, telling you about it. I think you should ask her if she really wants to make an effort to make this relationship work and repair the damage she's done. If she's prepared to do that, then you can ask her to be patient while you take a little bit of a break to gather your thoughts together. Hopefully she'll be prepared to wait for a bit, because it does sound like she still really wants to be with you.
    She does really want to make the effort, she was crying her eyes out when I was telling her I didn't know if I still wanted to be with her. She generally is a very nice lass and someone I thought wouldn't do anything like this to me.
    I can forgive her for what she's done (i think) its mainly the fact that I have been hurt before by a lass and I don't know whether I want to set myself up again to be hurt. I'm falling in love with this girl but my feelings aren't as strong as they will be in say 6 months time and if it gets to that point and it happens again I can only think that it would serve me right for taking her back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thinks im probably not the best person t o answer this :rolleyes:

    but heres a small bit of advice for ya anyways follow your heart do what you feel is right if that means giving her another chance to prove herself then so be it.
    if your good together then dont throw it away you might end up regretting it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One thing I know from experience is that she'll never have your trust 100% no matter how hard you try to give it.

    To be perfectly honest I'd get rid - the fact that she did it in the first place shows what kind of person she is and what she thinks of you.
    If she had meant the apologies and was so sorry about it all, then she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

    Sorry bud, harsh but this is how it is.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by AndyW
    One thing I know from experience is that she'll never have your trust 100% no matter how hard you try to give it.

    To be perfectly honest I'd get rid - the fact that she did it in the first place shows what kind of person she is and what she thinks of you.
    If she had meant the apologies and was so sorry about it all, then she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

    Sorry bud, harsh but this is how it is.
    I agree with what you've said basically. The only thing is that she is not a bad person.
    I've said exactly that to her about doing it in the first place. Apparently she was crying all the rest of the holiday to her mate because she couldn't believe what she had done and she knew she had to tell me. I believe she is sorry and believe she wouldn't do it again but I don't know whether I can take the risk.
    She's kinda forced me into meeting her this afternoon when I finish work so I'm going to go and see her but still don't know what I'm going to do yet, only time will tell.

    I'm pissed off because this is a girl I get on with so well, we're constantly having a laugh and there is never a boring moment when we're together. This is just speak because I'm too young and she is way too young but thinking about the future a girl who's sense of humour and attitude to life is like hers is the kind of girl I want to marry. Shame she's a cheating bitch :mad:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know how you feel mate, and I suppose at the end of the day you just have to go with whatever you want and whatever will make you happy in the long run and not just in the next few weeks/months.

    Believe me, there will be nicer girls who will treat you better out there.

    Personally I feel about it as I put in my last post, but only you really know what's best for you and you have to live with the consequences of your choice, so good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to say it but holidays are holidays and things happen. All your mates are off pulling people and you get left on ya own. It's hard and it's why I'll never go on hol with friends if my fella aint going.

    She's done the brave but perhaps foolish thing of owning up to it and ou've got to accept and respect that.

    As for the future. If you can trust her 100% again then carry on. Relationships are about risks and yes you might get hurt, but then ya might not. If you can't trust her then don't even bother. Just courses grief, agro and far more hurt and if she cares for you she won't risk losing ya again anyways hun.

    It sounds like you care deeply for this girl and is that worth throwing away over something as foolish as a holiday shag that nowt will ever come of? She made a mistake, none of us are perfect.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kazbo
    Sorry to say it but holidays are holidays and things happen. All your mates are off pulling people and you get left on ya own. It's hard and it's why I'll never go on hol with friends if my fella aint going.

    That makes no sense to me. :/ If you're with someone the fact that you're off on holiday shouldn't make a difference to how much they can trust you. Yeah, you might get left on your own but that doesn't mean the thing to do is go fuck someone else. :/ I would never cheat on someone I was with, holiday or not.

    My friend went on holiday and had sex with someone else while her fiance was at home. She said it was because she didn't want the guy she was with to be the last guy she had sex with for the rest of her life. :rolleyes: She didn't tell him though. Meh. She's only with him because splitting up with him will mean she's lonely. :/

    So, at least your girlfriend isn't like my friend. :eek2:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    forgive? fuck no, that little slut KNEW what the fuck she was doing at the time.

    if you forgive her she'll know you're a soft bastard.

    so no. fuck no.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    That makes no sense to me. :/ If you're with someone the fact that you're off on holiday shouldn't make a difference to how much they can trust you. Yeah, you might get left on your own but that doesn't mean the thing to do is go fuck someone else. :/ I would never cheat on someone I was with, holiday or not.


    It shouldn't make a difference, but when people are on hol attitudes change, drink flows more, and people are far more relaxed. The whole point of having holidays is to relax and have a good time and yeah most the time it means forgetting the people at home and enjoying the people you're around.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kazbo
    It shouldn't make a difference, but when people are on hol attitudes change, drink flows more, and people are far more relaxed. The whole point of having holidays is to relax and have a good time and yeah most the time it means forgetting the people at home and enjoying the people you're around.

    oh that makes it alright then! don't matter, she was on holiday. different countries shouldn't make the **** free.

    get rid
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by molo
    oh that makes it alright then! don't matter, she was on holiday. different countries shouldn't make the **** free.

    get rid

    She had the guts to own up. Most people wouldn't. Leave the lass be. She knows she made a mistake, feels guilty enough about and regrets doing it. There's enough punishment there. And if as I said earlier he can forgive, where's the point in him cutting his nose off to spite his face?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kazbo
    She had the guts to own up. Most people wouldn't.
    Most (decent) people wouldn't have let it happen in the first place though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd tell her to fuck off, my own opinion is that if she really cared for you she wouldnt be fucking other people. would you have done it in her position, i doudt it.... she's taking you for a ride. no matter how much alcohol you can always say no. i doudt you were on her mind when she was getting fucked by some geezer she met on holiday.....

    im sorry for being so blunt but thats what i would do in your position. i wouldnt do it to my g/f so why should i expect to get it done to me. it'll be hard for you but she should have thought of you before doing it. tell her were to go...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ida said fuck her off as well, tried to carry on a relationship after losing trust - doesn't work. She aint worth it most likely.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Most (decent) people wouldn't have let it happen in the first place though.

    Lol, you know what! England has the highest rate of cheaters in Europe

    I'm glad to see the people of the site aren't apart of this! We are so above doing anything morally wrong here that we think our own shit doesn't sink!:p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by big_man_with_a_
    forgive? fuck no, that little slut KNEW what the fuck she was doing at the time.

    if you forgive her she'll know you're a soft bastard.

    so no. fuck no.
    That was so bitterly blunt I just had to quote it

    I'm with big_man here. I understand how things can "just happen" between yourself and someone you're close to, but not how it can "just happen" between you and a complete stranger.

    In my opinion, for her to do that, she wuold have ben progressivly getting closer and closer to him before she actually did it. Casual flirting I've nothing against - it's quite good fun, but if she was going to flirt, she should have had the decency to keep it under control, especially considering she had a boyfriend back home (you).

    If you let her off with this one, there will not be anything stopping her doing it again. Plus, on a more selfish point of view, how are you going to trust her when she next goes on holiday?

    Sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but she's got this one coming.

    Drop her
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by AndyW
    Most (decent) people wouldn't have let it happen in the first place though.

    Lol and now ya are kidding yaself hun. It's soo easy to get carreid away and led in a situation, especially when alcohol is part of it, no one is perfect and you can't expect everyone to be.



    But mate. i've been in our position, forgiven all and everythings been great, rel just came to an end on it's own. I've done far less myself early on in a rel, never been forgiven by untrusting bastards and it's fucked everything and caused more pain. In the end you can ask us but everyones different so it's got to be what you feel most comfortable with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    as a guy, if i'm on holiday, and i'm gonna cheat on my girl, i have to:
    1 Select target
    2 chat target up
    3 if target not impressed repeat step 1
    4 ply her with drink
    5 take her back to your room/the beach/the bar toilet - JACKPOT!

    if i was a girl, and i was gonna cheat on my guy, i'd have to:
    1 DONT SAY NO.

    get me?

    she owned up - fair enough. shame it's almost considered more acceptable for girls to cheat on holiday than guys. :mad: :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kazbo
    It's soo easy to get carreid away and led in a situation, especially when alcohol is part of it, no one is perfect and you can't expect everyone to be.

    then learn some self control. it's not difficult, if you say otherwise then you're weak of will and should try crack cocaine... it'll be a 'fun' experience for you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kazbo you need new morals

    its like your tryin to propagand everyone that cheatin can be ok.
    do you not know how damaging it can be.

    get rid dude, you most probly deserve better.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by big_man_with_a_
    then learn some self control. it's not difficult, if you say otherwise then you're weak of will and should try crack cocaine... it'll be a 'fun' experience for you.

    Hey I don't cheat. I just saying how easy it is to. Especially for females. There's a lot more temptation cos guys try it on all the time. Maybe you can start judging a lass for cheating when you've been in her shoes and been chatted up constantly by x amount of fellas all night.
    kazbo you need new morals

    its like your tryin to propagand everyone that cheatin can be ok.
    do you not know how damaging it can be.

    I don't need new morals. I aint advocating cheating. I'm just saying go easy on her. She owned up, thats the hardest thing she's done there. Out of sight out of mind and all that. I'm just trying to give this lass some support. She knows she's done wrong and it's all well and good everyone slating her but just see things from her side as well.

    And yes I do know how damaging it can be. Been there felt it, but it all depends on the person and how they react to it. personally I forgave and it never happened again cos he was sorry for his actions.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Skateside
    I'm with big_man here. I understand how things can "just happen" between yourself and someone you're close to, but not how it can "just happen" between you and a complete stranger.
    [/u]
    Hi again,
    Thanks for all your replies, much appreciated.

    The point above, I've found out it wasn't a complete stranger but the brother of the mate who she went on holiday with. This in my eyes made it a little worse as I thought it wouldn't be the last time she sees him but apparently he is off with the navy and doesn't live with his sister.

    I've spent most of the weekend with the girl to see if I can handle what she has done and I've had a good weekend. Hopefully I can work through it with her and begin to trust her again.

    I agree with what most of you have wrote (even big_man calling her a slut :) ) and in most circumstances I wouldn't accept it and I would have told her where to go. I just have one problem, she is the nicest girl I've ever met and other than this mistake she treats me so well and I couldn't imagine another girl who'll do as much as she does for me. She's constantly showing how much she cares about me with compliments, hugs, kisses etc. and she also buys me gifts all the time for no reason. In this case theres too much to give up on just for a shag that she seems to regret totally she knows she won't get away with it again cos she knows how I fell about it. Getting some shoes and a new phone this week :hyper: :hyper:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by sar's the lady
    thinks im probably not the best person t o answer this :rolleyes:

    but heres a small bit of advice for ya anyways follow your heart do what you feel is right if that means giving her another chance to prove herself then so be it.
    if your good together then dont throw it away you might end up regretting it.


    wish sum1 had told me that a year ago!!!!:banghead:
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