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Argument with my mate: is love enough?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My mate tells me its not and I say if it's there in a relationship then everything else can be ironed out eventually. What do you think? Is love enough in a relationship?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    from experience, no. not at all.

    i had love, alot of it, but that was all i had. and it failed horribly, miserably and painfully. you need more than love, you need common ground, some common interests, the same views in at least one thing, in a way you need an actual need for eachother, you need respect and understand for the other persons life goals. an understanding of what that person is going to be years from now. you need alot more things than love...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    shite. so my relationship needs to certainly... pick up :( well anyway guess she was right :) ty!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm puzzled as to how you can be in love with someone without any of the other things...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by AndyW
    I'm puzzled as to how you can be in love with someone without any of the other things...

    because love is just an emotion, a feeling, sure such things as understanding and compassion generally go along with love, but not always, love is an emotion, occasionally independent of most others.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by my_name
    because love is just an emotion, a feeling, sure such things as understanding and compassion generally go along with love, but not always, love is an emotion, occasionally independent of most others.

    I see what Andy is saying though, because like, how would you fall in love if you weren't at least interested in the other person?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well in my relationship there are a lot of holes lets just say. A lot of holes :(

    But I do understand her kinda, though she wont open up and talk to me, can't force her I guess. She's insecure (thought she doesn't say so) and got 'emotional baggage' as other people put it. And there are other girls who would go out with me I think, and normally I would go out with them, and they don't have emotional baggage, but it just wouldn't feel right you know?

    *gets butterflies thinking about his gf* :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been there before, I was in a great relationship with a lovely guy, but we just didn't talk. It got to a stage where we weren't having fun anymore, and it fizzled out.

    Anyway, regarding the love question - I agree with Andy, my opinion is that you can only truly love someone if you have similar values, interests and the same attitude towards life. So in that case, love is enough. But if you don't have enough in common anymore, then the emotion (love or otherwise) isn't enough to keep holding things together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with myname. Just love isn't enough at all, you cant base a relationship just on that and not have any of the other things. Also you can think you're inlove when you're not at all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm i mean, things would make sense if i went out with another girl, they'd be into the same things i am etc (not that i dont get on with laura, just that we dont commincate lol) but i think id just miss laura too much :confused:

    i cant stop thinkin about her atm :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i never knew there were such right and wrong answers with love?

    what text books do i need to learn these? :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if two people are truly in love then there should be no need for the question "is love enough?"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy, I'll bet you a tenner that in 3 years' time you'll look back and wonder why it lasted so long with Laura.

    ...not that you'll be able to give it to me when I've won, but I'll still have the satisfaction...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by perfect***day
    ShyBoy, I'll bet you a tenner that in 3 years' time you'll look back and wonder why it lasted so long with Laura.

    ...not that you'll be able to give it to me when I've won, but I'll still have the satisfaction...

    yea why is it lasting so long? :confused: in your opinion. i mean it's getting quite obvious that me and her are growing apart but we still have really strong feelings for each other :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It just seems like you're both hanging on to something which isn't really worth it any more. If she weren't already your girlfriend, would you want to spend a lot of time with her and go out with her? And does being with her actually make you happy, or is it just that not being with her scares you? If it's the latter, then in my opinion - and my experience - it's not worth being together any more.

    Does that make sense? You've been saying things like 'there are a lot of holes in our relationship', 'she won't open up and talk to me', 'we don't communicate', 'it's quite obvious that we're growing apart' ...and the only thing you say is keeping you together is 'I'd just miss laura too much.'

    All those things don't sound like components of a healthy relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by perfect***day
    It just seems like you're both hanging on to something which isn't really worth it any more. If she weren't already your girlfriend, would you want to spend a lot of time with her and go out with her? And does being with her actually make you happy, or is it just that not being with her scares you? If it's the latter, then in my opinion - and my experience - it's not worth being together any more.

    Does that make sense? You've been saying things like 'there are a lot of holes in our relationship', 'she won't open up and talk to me', 'we don't communicate', 'it's quite obvious that we're growing apart' ...and the only thing you say is keeping you together is 'I'd just miss laura too much.'

    All those things don't sound like components of a healthy relationship.


    When I'm with her I'm happy, but it's not really very often (twice a week) and i know some people spend less time together than that but, when we spend time together it's not like we're making up for lost time, it's just like "hi, hi"

    If I was her friend then I'd still be spending time with her I reckon. Tbh though we flirted when we were friends and she's stopped now we're going out :confused:

    But then on the other side of the coin, I would miss her if I didn't have her, I don't want to have nobody you know? Some of my friends I've been speaking about say not to worry about it becaue they'll still be there - and being honest they're really great mates and I can just about forget about Laura when I'm with them :) (except now one of them fancies me :eek2: )

    The bottom line though, is I don't want someone other than her, I do want her loads, but I really want her to change as well. Not completely, but just talk to me a bit more and try and show her feelings more :)

    When she gets back off holiday I am going to speak to her.....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner


    When she gets back off holiday I am going to speak to her.....
    Probably a very good idea :)

    Good luck with it. I guess only you can really know how you feel and whether there's still enough in your relationship to keep you both happy, so if you don't want to take the plunge and try to survive without her, then talking to her is the best option. Be stubborn though, don't let her avoid communication!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nop love def aint enough. Been there, age and maturity come into it as well as being able to talk to each other, have a smae common ground etc.

    You can have an interest in a person without that and thats why differences attract. THings that are unusual to you do interest you. but it doesn't make for a lsting relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    But then on the other side of the coin, I would miss her if I didn't have her, I don't want to have nobody you know?

    But that's just it, ShyBoy, you just seem to be scared of being alone. Be honest, is it Laura you really want, or is it that you want the security which the relationship brings you? Perfect***day put it a lot better than I can, so I think you should listen to her. You say so many negative things about Laura and every time you do say something good about her, it sounds like you're just trying to justify staying with her.

    As for the question, it's a difficult one. Many people might disagree with me but I think it's possible to love someone but not actually like them anymore. Love should be a positive thing but often it's not, it's just something which consumes people. It's certainly important but for a relationship to thrive, there has to be something else too. I don't agree that you can't love someone unless you have similar interests and so on, but I think that if you don't have that, it makes it a lot harder for the relationship to survive.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ...
    I think it's possible to love someone but not actually like them anymore.

    I would say that this is the difference of loving somebody and BEING IN LOVE with somebody...

    You can still love somebody if when you don't like them, you just generally aren't IN LOVE with them.

    ShyBoy - You are scared of being alone. The thing with Laura (I get confused by it to be honest as I only come on here once in a while to post and you seem to have changed your mind every 2 minutes!) is not right. Get out of it and try enjoying being single!

    I have been single for 3 years now and not regretted a second of it! Get out and live a little - fair enough, I may be a little older (24) which gives me a different lifestyle etc etc etc but there is life beyond being attached! Especially at 15 or 16 or however old you are!!!!! :crazyeyes

    Seriously - try it, you might like it!

    Also - STOP reading into "what might be" with your friends etc. If you were seeing one for a while, then you start seeing another from the same group, it is never going to be easy! If you are going to start seeing somebody new - make her somebody NOT involved with the group! You complicate matters so much for yourself (I realise this is referring to a situation from a while back but I just lost track of when you were with/not with/with/not with/with Laura!) by doing this! Not good matey...

    Oh - one thing that always confuses me about you (and this is not meant nastily, trust me) is that you offer all kinds of advice to people about their relationship issues, boy/girl problems and the like, but you can't seem to sort your own head or relationships out!!! Take a step back, listen to peoples advice and sort it out! :) Life will be a whole lot simpler then...

    Easy now, chap...

    G.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: ...
    Originally posted by g_angel007

    Also - STOP reading into "what might be" with your friends etc. If you were seeing one for a while, then you start seeing another from the same group, it is never going to be easy! If you are going to start seeing somebody new - make her somebody NOT involved with the group! You complicate matters so much for yourself (I realise this is referring to a situation from a while back but I just lost track of when you were with/not with/with/not with/with Laura!) by doing this! Not good matey...

    Oh - one thing that always confuses me about you (and this is not meant nastily, trust me) is that you offer all kinds of advice to people about their relationship issues, boy/girl problems and the like, but you can't seem to sort your own head or relationships out!!! Take a step back, listen to peoples advice and sort it out! :) Life will be a whole lot simpler then...

    Easy now, chap...

    G.


    Well you see I was going out with Laura, and she dumped me :( so for some reason her best mate asked me out. I said no, asked Laura out again, she said no, so I asked herbest mate out, she said yes, I realised I wanted Laura (which I'm afraid of happening again) and dumped her, a week later Laura asked me out again. The weirdest things happen you know.

    Yea and I can offer advice but I so badly don't know what to do atm, I mean, there's Laura who I'm goign out with and I get on with her so well it's great it's just that on some levels we think very differently heh. For example I asked her if she ever wanted our relationship to progress and she said no. So like :eek2: what do I say to that?

    But being single, while not bad I really don't want to mess about with people because that would mean everyone would end up getting hurt you know. Recently I have got into another friendship group and one of the girls fancies me there (she sent me txts etc) and I'm just wondering. I guess in the end... I don't know anymore tbh :confused: x1000
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy the very fact that you're always on the look out for other girls who fancy you (and you can't deny it, you're always telling us about these girls who you know and who seem to like you) suggests that you're not satisfied with this relationship. I have yet to hear you say one positive thing about Laura apart from ambiguous stuff like 'I wanted her...' and 'We get on well...'
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    ShyBoy the very fact that you're always on the look out for other girls who fancy you (and you can't deny it, you're always telling us about these girls who you know and who seem to like you) suggests that you're not satisfied with this relationship. I have yet to hear you say one positive thing about Laura apart from ambiguous stuff like 'I wanted her...' and 'We get on well...'

    shes lovleh and it feels nice when i hold her hand and :) heh :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh well you've proved me wrong then.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bleh...
    Recently I have got into another friendship group and one of the girls fancies me there (she sent me txts etc) and I'm just wondering.

    Chap - this is exactly what I am talking about!! Why don't you just try being friends with everybody instead of reading into this girl fancying you!?!?!? Regarding the sending you texts thing - erm, is this what you base her fancying you on?! :confused:

    STEP BACK!! Just take it easy matey and have some fun with friends! Why does it always have to be about somebody fancying you or you fancying them?! Fair enough, emotions can be a bit of a pain to deal with at times but if you can sort them, I reckon, as I said in my previous post, that your life will become SOOO much easier to deal with!!!
    Yea and I can offer advice but I so badly don't know what to do atm, I mean, there's Laura who I'm goign out with and I get on with her so well it's great it's just that on some levels we think very differently heh. For example I asked her if she ever wanted our relationship to progress and she said no. So like what do I say to that?

    Erm - this paragraph kind of goes against itself in places and also against most of your recent posts about the situation with Laura! Take the following which is from a post about 6 posts previously:
    When I'm with her I'm happy, but it's not really very often (twice a week) and i know some people spend less time together than that but, when we spend time together it's not like we're making up for lost time, it's just like "hi, hi"

    Where is the "getting on with so well" in that paragraph?! :( Her "not wanting your relationship to progress" is pretty much a BIG full stop to me and your ticket to ride! Do something for me - read back over this thread and read what you have put - I think you will surprise yourself at just how contradictory some of your posts are! :rolleyes:

    It sounds like basically the life has gone out of your relationship mate. End it, deal with the "missing her" bit - it will be over before you know it and just live a little. As I say, stop thinking about who fancies who and just be a 15/16 year old lad who shouldn't really have that many cares in the world! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Bleh...
    Originally posted by g_angel007
    As I say, stop thinking about who fancies who and just be a 15/16 year old lad who shouldn't really have that many cares in the world! :)


    But then I've got my GCSE's :nervous:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Come to think of it, why were you even asking her if she wanted the relationship to 'progress'? That's the sort of question which would scare some 18 year olds, let alone a 15 year old!

    g_angel is giving you fantastic advice and I really think you need to listen instead of just coming back with a 'but...' after everything anyone says.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jesus...

    What do you mean you've got your GCSE's?! If you have not already done them (which you should have) then they should be in almost a years time!!! Why the feck would you be worrying about them now?! :eek2:

    As with all exams, they are built up far too much mate. Basically all you need them for it to get you to the next level - this is not meant to be patronising to people going through this or who have just done them as I know most people put a lot of hard work in but getting all highly strung is not the answer! You can work hard and remain chilled (I do it every day!).

    You have to remember: Once you get into the working world they don't have any relevance! Only a degree carries any weight and even THAT is nowhere near as valuable as it was a few years ago as so many people have them or are working towards them, and employers aren't stupid - they know just how much "hard work" goes into achieving most (remember I said most!) of the courses out there nowadays!! Almost a waste of time, most of them unless you have a specific career in mind (especially all the bloody psychology courses which are generally worthless, unless you progress through to doctorate standard! I seem to know a silly amount of people with this "qualification" of which very few (2 or 3 out of I would guess an underestimate to be 25 people) of them have managed to progress into a career with any relevance! Most are STILL working "menial" jobs which don't seem to be going anywhere...). My opinon and I didn't mean it to be a put down to anybody if it sounded that way - we can start a whole thread arguing about it if you want! ;)

    I am going to stop this here as it could piss people off... and it is not too relevant to the topic - apart from to say don't start effing stressing almost a year before the event! :eek2:

    It just seems like you want something to worry about or to play on your mind or even just to be able to bring up on here! Why do you have this need???? We move the topic from Laura onto GCSE's... Where next? The 3rd World's Debt?! ;)

    Stress gets you NOWHERE... except closer to making yourself poorly! ;)

    G.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ???

    Bit of an off topic rant there... Sorry about that... :rolleyes:

    :D

    G.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: ???
    Originally posted by g_angel007
    Bit of an off topic rant there... Sorry about that... :rolleyes:

    :D

    G.

    its true though i do stress too much
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dump her. For fuck's sake. Give up.
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