(TW suicidal thoughts) Last nights mental breakdown was wack 🫩

bignosegirly0

Still on a waiting list btw, luv it 🤪

Yesterday, I had a few moments of crying. But last night was probably the worse. As I was genuinely crying in agony, I was praying to god to give me the courage to kill my self, saying I’m not strong enough and that he’s playing a cruel joke on me.

And I’m not even religious. It just seems as if I’m only praying to god whenever I’m emotionally at my lowest stage.

shannon_164

hey @bignosegirly0 🙂

i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. i want you to know that we are all here and you don’t have to face this alone, even when it feels unbearable.

you are not weak for crying or breaking down, and you’re definitely not weak for praying, even if you’re not religious. that moment of reaching out, whether to a god, the universe, or just something, isn’t a sign of weakness. it’s proof that, deep down, some part of you still wants to live, still wants hope, even if everything feels impossible right now.

waiting lists are hell, and i hate that you’re stuck in this limbo when you need help now. you deserve support, not silence. i know that saying “you’re strong” doesn’t change how heavy this feels, but the fact that you’re still here, still talking - that makes you strong!

you don’t have to know what healing looks like yet, you just have to survive this moment, then the next one, and we’ll be here beside you for each one you get through.

if things ever feel like too much, you don’t have to wait. reach out to a helpline if you feel able to - there’s no shame in it. you matter way too much to the world to be gone from it!

you’ve got this

Sian321

@bignosegirly0 , thank you so much for your openness in this post and for trusting us with what you've shared. What I'm hearing is that last Friday evening felt really agonising, and you found yourself calling out for stregnth and relief from a higher power. As Shannon has mentioned above, that is so valid, BigNoseGirly, and it sounds like in that moment you really didn't want to have to face what you were going through alone.

May I ask, how has this week felt since? I wonder whether you have been able to speak with anyone else about just how serious and painful that night was?

It takes immense stregnth to share about this, and you're doing so well to be reaching out here.

The following places are here for you if you're ever craving some more 1:1 support and time

Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
CALM - https://www.thecalmzone.net/
SHOUT 24/7 Text service - https://giveusashout.org/

bignosegirly0

@Sian321 hiya, I've been feeling better recently. Unfortunately don't have anyone in real life to talk to about these issues.

Sian321

Hi @bignosegirly0 , that feels really positive that you are feeling a little bit better, though I hear how isolating that might be to not have anyone that you can talk to face-to-face about this.

In the past has there maybe been someone who you've felt safe opening up to?

What has helped things to feel a little bit better these last few days?

You're doing so well to share this and we're all here for you as a Community!