Home life as a carer/ OCD

Sunflower123

Hi,
I'm 21 and live at home with my family, including my Grandpa. I have been a carer for the past three years in a nursing home but unfortunately my anxiety and OCD, which I have had for many years, has since worsened and I had to quit. One week after that, my Grandpa became very ill and his health could go either way, he may get better (but not to the extent he was before) or he may decline and require end of life care which he wishes comes from us at home. He currently is bed bound and is likely going to be unable to walk again even if he improves. My family of 3 and I take it in turns caring for him and his personal needs as well as checking on him multiple times during the night. This is not the first time this has hapened. At the begining of the year his health worsened and we were told then he may not recover, however he did (to a certain extent) i found it near imposible for those two months to cope and now it is happening again. Being around any sort of contaminate or anyone who is unwell brings me a huge amount of anxiety and I have recently been diagnosed with a phobia of becoming ill. On top of this I am working part time with a family member and looking for a new job, which it turns out is not easy! It is exhausting fitting this all in. My family are all exhausted and unfortunately everything has come at once, as it does, so we are all dealing with rather a lot. I worry about all of our health. The trouble is there is a lot of uncertainty. My Grandpa could be like this for days, weeks, years. We just don't know. And I know myself I can't cope with it for much longer. And I can see the rest of my family aren't coping too well either. I have thought for a long time about moving out because I simply find is so uncomfortable and exhausting living with people when almost everything they do can make me feel so anxious and overwhelmed. I don't really want to see anyone anymore for fear of getting ill. Now I feel like I need to leave but can't because my Grandpa needs help and if it is coming to the end he needs to know he is loved and cared for and he needs the company. I am getting medical help, but as I am sure a lot of you know, it is a long process, and I just don't have the time to wait. I would appreciate any advice from people who have had similar experiences on how they managed to cope. Caring for anyone, long term or short term is a big ask and very demanding.
Look forward to hearing from anyone.

Rose113

Hey @Sunflower123

Firstly a warm welcome to the mix and thank you for being brave enough to open up to us

I’m hearing how you’ve had to stop being a carer because of your struggles with anxiety and OCD and that sounds extremely hard to cope with more so now that it’s effected you day to day.

I’m sorry that your Grandpa is poorly and Im wishing him a speedy recovery

I can hear just how tiring and draining everything is for you and I’m wondering if your ever able to take some time to yourself to just focus on you

Again thank you for sharing with us and we are hear and listening to you

Sunflower123

@Rose 113
Thankyou. Yes I do have a little time to myself but honestly feel like I should be helping when I stop and slow down. I am trying to find a little balance. I'm too tired to do a lot of the things I normally enjoy like baking or art but I like movies qnd they are a good escape and don't use any energy.

DonnerKebab

Sunflower, you're a great person for looking after you're grandpa. Truly. And the anxiety, and fear of illness is just awful to hear about. You don't deserve to go through that. I'm not sure if it's the same thing or not, but I had a severe fear of germs, and the carer stuff, I've been doing it for a long time, since i was 11 for an autistic sibling, so being in such a place for so long, i can only advise you on what i wish i had done when i was where you are at. You need to take a break for yourself for at least a week or two here and there. I've been in that place, and when you keep going like this, either you end up going emotionally numb, or you end up unable to care for him and for yourself with burnout. The number one thing i never learnt was that i deserved the effort to take care of myself for once since i was busy taking care of everybody else. I want you to know that taking care of yourself, and making sure you're happy should be paramount to you. It's the kindest thing for you, and for others, because burnout is the alternative, and keep going beyond that and it's emotional numbness. Your granddad will know what you've done for him, he'll know that he's loved, but please, don't end up like me and ignore you're own wellbeing for too long. I'm not sure what hobbies you're into, but I ended up getting a Wii and playing Mario kart myself at the worst of the health anxiety, and gradually overcame it. The pandemic keeping people 2 meters apart helped me ironically. If i were you, I'd take a step back (you will feel guilty for the first few days perhaps), apply for therapy, and then take care of yourself. Short breaks here and there.... it doesn't give you enough time to relax properly. You need at least a week or two mate. I wish i could give you some more advice but that's all i can say really. i hope things get better for you friend.

Sunflower123

@DonnerKebab
Thanks for the advice. You'r right, it is so important to take time for yourself. I love movies, they are always a great escape. And i really like cooking as well, although I haven't been feeling up to it quite as much lately. I actually really enjoy cooking for my family and it is a nice escape for me. A win, win.
It sounds like you have, and still are having a really hard time
I hope you know how much good you have done, caring for your sibling. I imagine it was really hard especially when you were so young yourself. I got on quite well in the pandemic as well. The Masks were amazing, nobody could cough or splutter and spread illness.
My Grandpa has declined a lot more and I don't see him having long left, he is actually really content and doesn't seem un any pain at the moment which makes me happy. I am chaneling all my energy into making sure his last days are happy, spending lots of time telling him about all my memories of him and my late grandma, but afterwards, as dark as it seems talking about his death, I intend to take a bit of time to myself to slow down.
Like you said, I don't want to burn out again.
I hope you are recovering yourself from burnout. It can be so debilitating. I believe it's good to remember that although the burnout is awful, you have done so much good. It's sort of like when you get calluses from hard work. It's proof of how much you put into to doing something so kind and thoughtful. Although we both may have put a bit too much into doing the right thing. Since it's a bit late to fix it now I like to at least try and remember that although we need to manage it in a much more realistic way it is a really good quality to have. Just in moderation! I'm trying to be a bit more positive in my outlook of myself.can you tell?🤣
I wish you all the best and thankyou for the advice. I really appreciate it. I hope you can manage better yourself as well.