Why do I even fucking try

bignosegirly0

I’ll always have a rectangular body shape. I’ll always be lanky. I’ll always have a boy figure. I’ll never have an hourglass or pear shape body. I’ll never have curves. I don’t even feel like a fucking woman, despite being born one.

I’ve been to the gym for three fucking years, just for nothing. Just for me to still be flat as fuck. Just for men to still find me disgusting to look at.

I don’t even deserve to be called a woman since I can’t even fucking look like one. I’ve failed my main purpose as a woman, which is to look like one.

I’m a fucking failure. And I’m fucking undesirable. Why am I even alive.

bignosegirly0

Update: I’m feeling mildly better now. Sorry for the crash-out 🎀

Leyla

Hihi @bignosegirly0

I hear all of these big negative feelings about how you look and what this means for your purpose, especially as a woman. It is totally understandable to have these worries and doubts about yourself in a society which is so hellbent on placing importance on the value of others opinion and dragging people down if they don't look a certain way. But this is a reflection on our society and not on your value as a person or woman, even though this is very hard to feel, and I really hear why you would be struggling with these thoughts and feelings.

There are many who have different body types and have found love/a man, can I ask what you think makes you undesirable compared to these people?

Your womanhood is however you define it, and I hear the frustration that you went to the gym to try to change these things you don't like about yourself, and hear that not seeing your desired results feels disappointing.

I wanted to check in at the end here, even though you said you're feeling mildly better, how are you feeling after some time to process these feelings? Here is a source too which speaks a lot about body image and why we can struggle, which I hope can make you feel less alone with these struggles and have the chance to potentially understand them a bit more!

bignosegirly0

@Leyla My beliefs is based on past negative experiences and me over comparing myself to women who get treated better than me. Not to mention, I haven't had a single lucky experience where a man has been attracted to me before. So it convinces me that I'm not attractive to men. I'm feeling better than yesterday, luckily.