Public sensory overload??!! unsafety, work.

hello.
I'll try keep this short.
On way to work (,ice made a thread before re this work)

ref to prev threads:
Dont want to go work/lunch and reasonable adjustments in work thread

Have to catch 2 buses. I have autism, got on 2nd bus, bus was very busy, had my sunflower lanyard on and asked a woman to see if I cam sit down (she was sitting on thr buggy area but no buggy) showed lanyard that says has muscle condition and therefore need a seat, she said "no your young", no one else around even offered so just dealt with standing. Muscle condition was making this tricky.
Bus git really busy and crowded and was late so couldn't get off. Stayed.
Got off bus at stop. Had a bad overload! In rough area as well. Sat in pavement.crying shaking, hyperventilating, covering etc.
This man came ovrr, offered me water and like in my head I was like how I can trust that water hasn't hlgot added stupid stuff). I trued to drink some but had no swallowing ability so it came gushing oyt anyway.
Then another man came over (man 2) and he was like do we neex to call an ambulance, someone etc..they kept saying ill call you parents but they domt understand my autism and they'll trll me pff for having am overload so refused to gibe their number just said theyre not picking up. Besring in mind I'm also unable to speak much as well. Man 2, sae my lanyard so said hell call the doctors but then je said theyre to long and far they won't do anything. Then this lady came over. And they said its not safe here its a rough area so lets get you somewherewhereyou can sit and be safe and like there was a car garage there so they were going to tskr me there. I was however struggling to move and my legs couldn’t take any weight. It was horrible. Then the first man decided to attempt to lift me by putting 1 arm under my upper legs and other arm over my body i was obviously uncomfortable with this and yanked my arm towards him and said no stop. The 2nd man and female said don't do that. And i judt cried. And all 3 kf thrm were like its olay don't get upset. Then the lady was like to the other 2 men let me help her and was able to get up with support of her.
Man 2 held my bags and got me to garage
Got he water in a sucky thing so coikd swall it and was like phone mum to get pick up. The lady stayed with me. She tried phoning my support worker from uni (i gave her the number no answer). But obvs i had to go work so just garage saying i really need to go work otherwise I'll get fired. It's not safe for me to have these overloads in the roads! What can I do!?? Support is non existent!

Went into work an hour late. The manager on shift, she came down to check in with me and took me upstairs where it's quiet and stayed up there for 3hrs with her and she said i coild do someadmin forher (createexcel spreadsheet), but because I was there I couldn't do the work I'm meant to be doing likr really I'm meant to be downstairs in the room with music on carrying out mentoring sessions.
My line manager in leave, but I don't know whether he'll be told, etc.. should I tell him but st the same time I don't want to because like I'm uncomfortable around him anyway!!

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shannon_164

hey @Invisible_me 🙂

that sounds like such a stressful and overwhelming experience, and i’m really sorry you had to go through that. you handled it incredibly well, even in such a difficult situation. it is sooo frustrating that support isn’t more readily available when you need it most.

it’s good that some people stepped in to help, but i can completely understand why parts of that were uncomfortable, especially being lifted without your consent. i’m glad the woman was able to support you in a way that felt better for you.

as for work, it’s understandable that you’re worried about your line manager finding out. since your manager on shift was supportive and made adjustments for you, it might be worth checking in with her about whether your line manager will be informed. if you do decide to tell your line manager, you don’t have to go into too much detail, just what you’re comfortable sharing, but if you’re really uncomfortable with them, maybe you could speak to someone else at work who you trust more.

most importantly, you shouldn’t have to go through this alone! i know support feels non existent right now, but is there anyone else you can reach out to, maybe a different support worker, someone at uni, or even an advocacy service that helps with accessibility and workplace accommodations? you deserve to have the right support in place, especially if these overloads are happening regularly.

you did your best in an incredibly tough situation, and that says a lot about your strength - i’m proud of you

Invisible_me

Hey @shannon_164 , thank you for replying..

Yeah the people on bus were not very helpful, no one was willing to let me sit down despite me wearing a visible sunflower lanyard. They give up spaces to elderly and those with physical accessories to aid mobility but its fustrating it's get neglected when it perhaps isn't as noticeable visible even if you weear a lanyard to make aware.. but the people who stopped why om atleadt grateful for other - feel so bad for not being able to say thank you to them! Other than that man 1 who decided to touch and attempt to carry me. That was horrible! 😶‍🌫️

My line manager his on leave atm but the shift manager yeah she made adjustments and let me stay upstairs where there is no music as she understood thod can be trigger when im already a bit fragile. I did say though when she took me aside when I arrived that the music it going to unsettle when I'm already fragile. I guerdd I'm jusy embarrassed and scared of my line manager reaction and what's he going to think? I was thinking of asking the shift manager whether I should make my line manager aware of what happened or whether she will let him know but didn't.ask. I domt really know how to ask her now? I won't see her and dont really want to message her.
I'm also worried I'm making a big deal. I don't jnoww thoygh because it affected my ability to work my duties- went in an hour late due to this. Then had to go into room upstairs away from music as couldn't copr with radio, it's only because the shift mamager had to make new copyes it spreadsheets that I did that for her otherwise I would've been sat there doing nothing because cant deliver sessions if I'm not downstairs in main room with everyone else where music is on.?
Sorry I don't attend uni. My uni support worker has kindly stayed in touch with me. Referalls have been made for a support worker/ advocate before but it got declined. I'm currently get 121 sessions with an autism charity but you inly get 3 121 sessions and I've had all 3 sp shes discharge me but jad redone referalls for a support worker and advocacy. She's offered to talj to gp as well if wish to. So I'll go with that.

Invisible_me

How does this email sound for my line manager:

I am not sure if ***** has/will tell you ,but I'm just popping by a message as a 'so you know'.
I had a bit of a rough ride on my way into work shift on Thursday, due to sensory overwhelm, so ended up coming in about an hour late. I was able to eventually communicate to ***** though and stayed for the rest of shift but she said I could go and stay upstairs till I'm fully settled, so I'm away from the 'noise' and 'stress'.
Rather than me typing a long email and seeing it's already passed, we can just discuss this whenever.

Invisible_me

Arghh I've got a supervision now with my manager tomorrow.. im so scared to like talk to him about this and other stuff. I find ut really hard to be open abou my needs to supervisors like almost feel embarrased more during it ans then after it.
Also like my physical condition has been playing up and his noticed my walking has now changed and he'll be like you walking better? How can I say no im still walking limped and dunno why?- all he'll respond with im sorry to hear that.
It feels vulnerable being in a room on my own to talk to him.
And he keeps saying what adjustments and im like I dunno?

Leyla

@Invisible_me Hiya, it sounds very stressful to have to open up to someone who is higher up than you, so it's understandable why you would feel so scared about it. I want to assure you that you have nothing to be embarrassed about as none of these struggles are your fault, and if your supervisor is a good supervisor then they will try to be accommodating with you and work with you to make it as comfortable of an environment as possible for you!

I wonder if there is any way you can have someone else who you feel comfy with in the room too when you speak to him as it sounds like being on your own might be part of the reason why you feel so worried?

It's totally valid not to know what adjustments it could be, are there any things that you have noticed make your life a bit easier? For example, maybe being able to take frequent breaks, somewhere to work without radio if needed, or having somewhere you could sit down if you need to for your physical struggles? Do you think any of these have helped you in the past?

Well done for having this meeting with him and being brave enough to open up about your needs even if you aren't entirely sure what they are/how to word them. You're doing great!!

Invisible_me

Hey thank you so much for reply.

I kind of prepared myself to talj to him about things at work and struggle and possible adjustments etc and like the time came felt really nervous but literally I feel like he hasn't really tried to v get to n knoe me so haven't built any sort of lever of comfortableness which prob majee the anxiety and vulnerability of being in a room with someone if opposite gender more awkward.
But anyway in the supervision he was like half on his phone, listening to audio messages from family so I'm. Like well he doesn't really want to do this with me or like his not listening. Or it'll be typing away at screen and bate it when they do that like are you listening,? And then like there was yjis 1 time I lost my trail if words or didn't know how to phrase it and that was stressing me our so I said forget it I can't think if the word or how to thrn he tried to finish it for me. So yeah I wasn't able to express clearly.
I mentioned the music being overwhelming he paused then he went through said before sit away does that help but like its not always possible then he type and said then Don knkw would calming music help or I guess we could move you so you do sessions in another room but that'd not practical as a Service and harder to do in Thurs as we work outreaching then and thdy the day I wotk but when he was suggesting you could tell his just saying it but not happy about it.
Him going in his phone etc like thst didn't help that made me shut up more especially when conversations ste hard enough.

Atlest in the last one "he was like are you okay, you seem very nervous " but I was so close to crying thrn so just wanted to not go into it.

Then I went straight bavk in he told me to go straight back in amd they allocated me a session straight away I wanted time to mysekf. That was so difficult the session and left me feeling like I wafnt good enough especially because just before he wax like make sure you've tixked everything in your checklist to pass probation and in the supervision template there's a compliment section I couldn't think of own compliments or more like could but like I said no can't think n of any and nor did he decide to say actually you've dome this well or your now ibseprndly delivering session rather than shadowing so that's good nothing!!
Som I'm like now "don't feel good, enough "

Lily

Hey @Invisible_me , Lily here,

It sounds like the supervision chat with you manager felt really overwhelming, and it sounds like you didn't feel listened to either. That can feel really frustrating, especially when you already felt anxiety around talking to him. It is completely valid to feel frustrated and upset after not feeling heard, and you've done really well to come on here and share that with us.

I am understanding that shortly after the chat with you manager, you were placed in an overwhelming environment, when you would have preferred some time to yourself, and that makes sense - you deserve time to breathe and process your feelings. I'm also hearing that you felt disappointed by not receiving positive feedback after the session, and it took a real knock to your confidence and you doubted if you felt good enough. This sounds tough, and like there's a lot of pressure to do well in your sessions, does that sound about right? Your feelings are so valid around all of this, and you have done really well to share them with us. I think it sounds like you handled the session the best you could, especially because you were feeling a lot of overwhelm and anxiety, and you should be really proud of yourself for that. It's tough to not receive the positive feedback you were hoping for, but it doesn't change how you are. And you are good enough.

I'm wondering how you are feeling now? How have you felt about work recently?

Thank you for sharing with us, we are all here to support you at the Mix.

Invisible_me

Hi @Lily
Thanks for reply. Good to meet you.
Yes ut didn't feel very nice or like I was listened to which doesn't help. It's like work is feeling really uncomfortable at times because of my sensory needs or like my autism and anxiety, and I guess this also makes me feel like I'm. Not good enoigh quite easily.

I only go there once a week atm. But I'm worried about going back.