So humiliating to cry at work (mentions of suicidal thoughts)

bignosegirly0

Everyday, I’m constantly obsessing over how I’m never gonna experience love and I base this on how men joke about being attracted to me and never actually having any romantic experiences.

Naturally, this makes me wish I was dead. And it’s on my mind 24/7.

So when I’m on the edge of tears and someone asks if I’m okay, I fucking break down.

Wish I actually knew how not to cry

Sian321

Hey @bignosegirly0 , how are you feeling this afternoon?

You said that men have made jokes in the past about being attracted to you, and this really sounds so cruel. No one has a right to play with your feelings in that way.

I can hear it hurts you so, so much - it leaves you wishing that you were dead, and their teasing and joking plays on your mind 24/7 and pushes you right to the edge of tears. That sounds so all-consuming.

What's it like for you when you break down? I hear you saying that you wish you knew how to hold the tears inside, and yet, the feelings are too big and too strong and when someone asks you if you're okay, everything just pours out. That is valid, @bignosegirly0 , and it feels like you're carrying so much. All this pain. You're scared you won't find love - and the thought of that is devastating sometimes

I will share below some spaces you can reach out to if you do feel like the thoughts of wanting to be dead are getting loud:

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a suicide prevention charity on a mission to help people end their misery, not their lives. They provide life-saving services, information and advice to help anyone struggling with life navigate the issues that can make us feel miserable. They can offer practical ways to manage your mental health, and help you feel less alone by sharing stories of hope to show people there's a way forward. They have a helpline open everyday 5pm-midnight. You can call them on 0800 585858, Whatsapp them on +44 20 4587 6634, or use the webchat on their website. For more information you can go to www.thecalmzone.net

Papyrus is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide. The helpline number is 0800 068 4141. You can also text them on 077862 09697, email pat@papyrus-uk.org or go to www.papyrus-uk.org The helpline is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, including Bank Holidays.

Samaritans are there for you 24/7. They offer a listening service and emotional support to anyone about any issue, with a special focus on suicidal feelings. You can call the helpline for free on 116 123 or email at jo@samaritans.org. You can also write them a letter and you can find details on their website. Some of their branches offer face to face services and you can find your local branch on their website. For more information you can go to www.samaritans.org

When you do feel like you need to cry, where and with who are you able to do this? What helps crying to feel safer?

We're right here with you. We're listening.

bignosegirly0

@Sian321 hello sorry for the late response. I’m feeling better thank you. I’m still worried about something bad happening on my next shift, but there’s nothing I can do about it. When I break down, I have no control and end up crying. Sometimes it’s hard for me to speak. The worst case scenario is when I end up hurting myself or attempting suicide, but luckily, I haven’t acted on those urges for a while now.

The only time I feel I’m allowed to cry is alone in my room. Obviously it’s inappropriate to cry at work, and I hate how I let other down because of it.

eylah

im sending you so many hugs. i know ive given helplines previously so would recommend using them if your struggling. i am always here for you your not alone in this. we all care abt you here at the mix .

bignosegirly0

@eylah I do appreciate it, thank you. And I have used your sources in the past, they were really helpful.

eylah

im glad they was helpful @bignosegirly0 . i know your dealing with a lot rn but im rly proud of how your dealing with what your going through. your not alone and ill always be here if you ever need someone to vent to.

eylah

sending you gd wishes for today @bignosegirly0 and i hope your ok ill check in a bit later to ask how your doing bc i care abt you .

eylah

sry had a busy day yesterday but im just checking in this morning to see how your doing bc i care abt you and dont want you feeling isolated or alone .

bignosegirly0

@eylah I’m feeling better, thank you. Nothing bad has happened for a while, which im grateful for.

eylah

im rly glad to hear your feeling better @bignosegirly0 you deserve to live a happy life so im rly glad that your feeling better. im always here if you ever need someone to talk to .