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(TW suicidal thoughts) love isn’t an option for me

I’m safe. I’ll be heading to the gym with my brother tonight. So I won’t have any chance of hurting myself. Neither do I plan on hurting myself in the future.
No matter what day I’m going through, whether something triggered this thought progress or it randomly pops out of no where, I am constantly followed by this depressing fact that I’ll never experience love.
And this isn’t my low self esteem speaking, this is a genuine fact. There’s so much evidence in my life that proves that I’ll never find love. There’s not much queer woman in this area and all the men around me are disgusted by my appearance.
It makes me wonder whether life is genuinely worth living or not. I wonder whether I’ll be at peace if I actually end my life.
Even though I don’t have any current plans, if I happen to take my own life in the future, I would hope that there would atleast be an alternative universe where I would have found love.
No matter what day I’m going through, whether something triggered this thought progress or it randomly pops out of no where, I am constantly followed by this depressing fact that I’ll never experience love.
And this isn’t my low self esteem speaking, this is a genuine fact. There’s so much evidence in my life that proves that I’ll never find love. There’s not much queer woman in this area and all the men around me are disgusted by my appearance.
It makes me wonder whether life is genuinely worth living or not. I wonder whether I’ll be at peace if I actually end my life.
Even though I don’t have any current plans, if I happen to take my own life in the future, I would hope that there would atleast be an alternative universe where I would have found love.
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