having a rly hard day 💔

eylah

woke up crying bc everything seems like how it was before i came into hospital. i just want to discharge myself from everything and everyone bc i am just wasting their time they have much more poorly ppl to care for. im a waste of space i rly am i just want to be happy. but seems like i never will 💔 i cant stop crying i hate myself i hate everything. i just take up so much space and idk how to even get my feelings out. i feel so much pain inside my heart it feels like it’s tearing apart bc i been crying so much. 💔 i just want to be better bc i can’t live like this. i am so tired and i am feeling so much mental pain inside my heart it kills. sry for a worthless post im just having a rly hard day today and it feels like my world is crumbling down on me like before. im safe btw no suicidal thoughts/plan just venting.

TheNightmare

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, but please know you are definitely not a waste of space and you are not wasting anyone’s time, I promise. You deserve care just as much as anyone else. I know it’s hard when it feels like nothing is getting better, but that does not mean it never will. You have made it through so much already, even when it felt impossible, and that strength is still in you. Just take things one step at a time and please be kind to yourself, even if it is hard. You are not alone and you do not have to go through this by yourself, we are all here for you ❤️.

eylah

thanks means a lot

eylah

just opened up to my fav nurse on ward abt my thoughts and she is telling the consultant which im scared abt bc i want to get help but not in hospital but i dont think i will have leave as they said abt me staying in here for bit. im safe i feel much better talking abt how i feel. but now its of my shoulders. i have no suicidal thoughts or plans. im safe . im glad i was brave and talked to her.

edit just spoke to the nurse again to say thankyou bc she was rly kind to me and listened to me. she said tmr ill talk to the consultant again as discharge is next wednesday so hopefully that will help.

TheNightmare

eylah wrote: »

just opened up to my fav nurse on ward abt my thoughts and she is telling the consultant which im scared abt bc i want to get help but not in hospital but i dont think i will have leave as they said abt me staying in here for bit. im safe i feel much better talking abt how i feel. but now its of my shoulders. i have no suicidal thoughts or plans. im safe . im glad i was brave and talked to her.

edit just spoke to the nurse again to say thankyou bc she was rly kind to me and listened to me. she said tmr ill talk to the consultant again as discharge is next wednesday so hopefully that will help.

Good to hear you're feeling better, proud of you for this. Keep going ❤️

AnonymousToe

Well done @eylah you’re doing really well

eylah

thankyou guys @TheNightmare @AnonymousToe if i hear anything I’ll update but im feeling better from telling her bc its off my shoulders now so im hoping i get listened to.

bignosegirly0

Hey, I’m genuinely sorry that you’ve been having a tough time mentally.

It doesn’t matter whether there are people who are suffering more or less than you. If you’re suffering and struggling to cope, then you need support. A broken arm isn’t less important than bleeding wound. All mental issues deserves treatment, no matter how big or small.

Also, don’t apologise for this post. You’re not being “worthless”. The whole point of this website is for those who are struggling to cope to reach out for the support they desperately need. It’s obvious that you’re crying out for help, and there’s no shame in that. You deserve to be heard and offered support.

I know nothing about what you’re going through right now. But judging by how you blame yourself for expressing your struggles, I could imagine that this mindset didn’t come from nowhere. I’m worried that you’ve dealt with too many unempathetic and uneducated people who felt the need to bring you down when you desperately expressed the need for help. And if that’s the case, I want you to know that you did not deserve to be treated the way you did. It doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong, it just reflects how unempathetic and unloving they are.

I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t be harsh on yourself. You’ve already been mistreated enough, so please don’t become your own bully.

I hope you take care of yourself. I understand you’re in a really dark place right now. But no matter how you cope, you will survive it, just like how you’ve survived previous dark moments.

I wish you the best and I hope you heal 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

eylah

bignosegirly0 wrote: »

Hey, I’m genuinely sorry that you’ve been having a tough time mentally.

It doesn’t matter whether there are people who are suffering more or less than you. If you’re suffering and struggling to cope, then you need support. A broken arm isn’t less important than bleeding wound. All mental issues deserves treatment, no matter how big or small.

Also, don’t apologise for this post. You’re not being “worthless”. The whole point of this website is for those who are struggling to cope to reach out for the support they desperately need. It’s obvious that you’re crying out for help, and there’s no shame in that. You deserve to be heard and offered support.

I know nothing about what you’re going through right now. But judging by how you blame yourself for expressing your struggles, I could imagine that this mindset didn’t come from nowhere. I’m worried that you’ve dealt with too many unempathetic and uneducated people who felt the need to bring you down when you desperately expressed the need for help. And if that’s the case, I want you to know that you did not deserve to be treated the way you did. It doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong, it just reflects how unempathetic and unloving they are.

I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t be harsh on yourself. You’ve already been mistreated enough, so please don’t become your own bully.

I hope you take care of yourself. I understand you’re in a really dark place right now. But no matter how you cope, you will survive it, just like how you’ve survived previous dark moments.

I wish you the best and I hope you heal 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

thankyou so much it rly means a lot to me for you replying to me. your wording is beautiful btw i rly appreciate everything.

Durhamjaide

I hope you are having a better day today

eylah

annoyed bc now i can’t stay overnight night in my flat next monday. sad bc that was happening last night/ today and now i can only go for the day. which is pointless bc im discharged wednesday i don’t see no point

thankyou @Durhamjaide means a lot hope your having a gd day to

Durhamjaide

eylah wrote: »

annoyed bc now i can’t stay overnight night in my flat next monday. sad bc that was happening last night/ today and now i can only go for the day. which is pointless bc im discharged wednesday i don’t see no point

thankyou @Durhamjaide means a lot hope your having a gd day to

Thank you very much I did thank you

Laura_tigger82

How are you feeling about being discharged on Wednesday @eylah? It sounds like it has been a relief having people to talk to but you will be glad to go home

eylah

im excited to leave as ive done so much in this ward so im rly excited especially to make my flat my home basically i have few ideas id like to do like ornaments. but scary to bc im gonna go back into the community. so anxious is the right word. thankyou for replying.

eylah

starting to struggle a lot rn just sad i cant stay round my flat tmr night it just is shit. but i guess they gotta keep me safe they said. bullshit especially bc in being discharged wedneaday i see no point. but i can’t wait to go back tmr and sort my flat out a lil bit that i can.

Orchid059

I can understand it is frustrating being held in the ward for longer but as you mentioned it will be nice to decorate your flat when you get back so that is something to look forward to