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An old bully is an OF model (TW suicidal thoughts)

bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 58 Boards Initiate
edited January 1 in Health & Wellbeing
To be fair, she didn’t bully me too much, compared to other bullies in the past. But knowing she’s a rich successful only fans model who is lusted by thousands of men makes me want to end it all.

I can’t even get one man to find me attractive. Yet, this piece of shit gets treated like a fucking princess. She gets all the money and validation from thousands of men.

The sad part about womanhood is that a women’s worth is based on how sexually appealing she is to other men. She has worth in life, I don’t.

As pathetic as it sounds, the one thing that would make me not want to end it all is if a man’s approval.

I have so many episodes of feeling depressed and wanting to end my life. The only way I cope is fantasise about an alternative universe, where a man actually finds me attractive and stops me from killing myself. I yearn to hear from a man:

“Oh no sweetheart, you’re not ugly and worthless in this world. If anything, you’re the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. Just because other men can’t see your beauty, doesn’t mean it’s not there. And I’ll prove it by having sex with you”

I know it’s perverted. And I don’t want to ever force anyone to love me or have sex with me. But it’s the only thing that will actually make me not wanna kill my self.

Knowing I’ll never experience the life my old bully is a further sign that I should just fucking do it already before I waste another year miserable.
Post edited by TheMix on

Comments

  • ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,483 Community Veteran
    @bignosegirly0 think of it as your bully is desperate with being unable to get a job, she'll get bullied by the public or mb she become like
    'lily Phillips'
    Crazy mad insane
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,119 Boards Champion
    edited January 4
    Hey @bignosegirly0, sorry to hear that you're hurting. It sounds like seeing an old bully doing well in an area of life that matters a lot to you is painful to watch, and it's not always an easy thing to talk about. Thank you for being open and honest with us here about your feelings - they do matter, and what you have to say has value. I can understand how escaping into fantasy might help to cope with the feelings. In any case, we're glad you're here with us, and we're here to listen to you <3

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