I’m done

Lucy_21

I will do anything for my family asked or as a favor so tell me why after so many times this happens I still do it. I do as any of them ask and then I end up in my room crying because it’s not good enough or wrong.

Why do I keep doing it again even though it happens every time. I feel guilty if I say no, I never get appreciation on the rare occasion it’s good enough and most times they yell at me for it.

I basically can’t do anything right, get mad at when I try and it’s never appreciated. I help because I want to. I help because they are family and I’m always made out to be the bad one. I give up, I’m sick of trying to help but I can’t not help as it’s my reflex.

Am I a doormat yes
Am I an idiot and nieeve yes
Am I in my room crying because it just happened again but I know it’s not the last time yes.

Sorry it’s long I just really needed to say this after years because I don’t know what to do

ella

Hey @Lucy_21

Remember, you have every right to set boundaries. It's okay to say no sometimes, even to family. Your mental health is important, and you shouldn't feel guilty for prioritising yourself.

It sounds like you’re a really caring person who wants to help, but it's okay to take a break..

Do you need any help with setting those boundaries? 💛

Lucy_21

Thank you @ella I just don’t know how especially with family because.. well it’s family. I don’t mind helping it’s not even that they don’t appreciate it well it is but it’s more them criticizing it. They make fun of things I’m scared of and I’m sick of just everything about it right now. I love them always will but I want to leave to my own place but it’s not as straight forward for me.

I just need to know what to do so I don’t blow up

kaii

Hi @Lucy_21, I'm so sorry that you feel that your efforts are not getting appreciated and recognised by your own family. It's completely valid for you to set your own boundaries - in my experience, I've always found that when I do end up saying yes to doing something I don't want, I end up with lots of resentment which doesn't sit right with me. Saying no can give you the peace and saves your future self trouble - but I understand that your situation doesn't make it easy, it can be incredibly difficult to set boundaries with family members.

I hear that it's especially hard for you since you when you do help, you end up getting criticised by them. I can imagine how hurtful this must be, especially when you tried your best.

Because your family aren't giving you the appreciation you deserve, I want to tell you that, you're doing an amazing job, and whatever help you provide, I always appreciate you for trying your best. It's lovely that you're a caring and selfless person - but it's okay for you to devote time and energy to yourself every now and then

Sending hugs,

Kai

Lucy_21

Thank you Kii I appreciate that and I am trying hard with boundaries it’s just hard as I’m not taken very seriously due to my mental and physical disability and it’s frustrating sometimes

ebyrne556

Hey @Lucy_21 just checking in to see how your doing now? Thinking of you

Lucy_21

@ebyrny556 Not great really but thank you. I'm in a bit of a depression episode right now, it's been a few days

sinead276

sorry to hear you aren't feeling to great at the moment @Lucy_21 - sending you lots of hugs