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Leaving friend out
TheNightmare
Posts: 2,643 Boards Guru
in General Chat
Sorry for posting again, this is my second discussion today. I was planning to do it yesterday but didn't get around to it. I have a small issue. A few of my friends are going out, and we are going in one of my friend's cars, but it's only a Kia Picanto, I think. Either way, it only has four seats, so four of us agreed to go. However, there's a fifth guy whom we haven't asked to come along, and I feel bad about leaving him out. The guy being left out is not going to get angry, and I don't think he'll even say anything, but I think he might feel left out and unable to say anything. I have been left out before when my mates went to the pub, but at that time, I couldn't get in as I wasn't 18, while everyone else was 18 or over, and that sucked. I don't want that guy to feel left out like that unless he's genuinely fine with not coming.
We can probably sort something out another time with that guy included too, but yeah, I wanted to avoid the guy feeling left out this time. I think ideally we wanted to really just go in one car, cheaper on fuel and all that too. But I was thinking if necessary, I could take my car too, then pick up the guy, or let the rest of my mates go in the Kia Picanto, and I'll meet them in my car. Ideally, we wanted to go in one car because I guess that's kind of part of the socializing, just going in the car together with your mates, though being left out can suck, as I have said. Personally, I try to avoid getting left out myself. Another idea is that we all go in my car, but we made plans just to go in my friend's car, so I think they will want to stick to the original plan.
We can probably sort something out another time with that guy included too, but yeah, I wanted to avoid the guy feeling left out this time. I think ideally we wanted to really just go in one car, cheaper on fuel and all that too. But I was thinking if necessary, I could take my car too, then pick up the guy, or let the rest of my mates go in the Kia Picanto, and I'll meet them in my car. Ideally, we wanted to go in one car because I guess that's kind of part of the socializing, just going in the car together with your mates, though being left out can suck, as I have said. Personally, I try to avoid getting left out myself. Another idea is that we all go in my car, but we made plans just to go in my friend's car, so I think they will want to stick to the original plan.
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Comments
Maybe you could have a quick chat with your friends about this if you haven't already? Let them know you're worried about the other person feeling left out, and see if they're open to brainstorming solutions together. Off the top of my head, here are a few ideas to throw out there:
Offer to take your car and pick up the extra friend. This sounds like a good compromise, especially if you don't mind driving- could you even ask to split the petrol costs between your friends for the additional car?
Propose rescheduling this hangout for a bigger group and suggest another activity where everyone can fit. This shows you still want to hang with the extra friend, just in a setting that allows for it.
Ultimately, the best way forward will depend on what everyone feels comfortable with. But by being open and honest about your worries, you're showing your friends you care and that you don't want anyone to feel left out. Let us know how you get on
@ella hi, I spoke to the guy who isn't coming and apoligised to him if hes feeling left out but he seems OK with it. We would be going cinema and he said he's seen that film that we are going to already and the rest of haven't so it makes a bit more sense for him to come. Probably won't have been any harm for him to see the same film again, just probably would have been a bit boring for him, might have been good to catch up with us though but we could sort out something else another time with that guy. I wouldn't reschedule as we have done that a few times as things came up then settling on what to do on something we all like, I had to find the right price to for the cinema because first it was coming up as a tenner for it but I managed to find a decent price just further away from the screen so we've booked that now. Thanks for your reply anyway.