My story

Former Member

Hi everyone my name is Joshua and this is what caused my depression and everything in-between
In July of 2019 I moved to Cheshire from Northern Ireland for a better life

And we had so much fun and we all said 2020 was our year fast forward to May 2020 I caught covid for the first time and it left me bed bound for 3 months I would sleep about 21 hours a day everyday for 3 months and I finally got better but now everytime I get ill I get really ill and can't do anything since then I've had it 7 times and each time it's left me severely ill and in the hospital a few times

then in April 2021 I lost my uncle he was a funny old man and that hurt but I didn't know him well enough to greive over it then in February 2022 I lost my aunt she was a silly woman with so much knowledge I used to call her when I had a question about a plant and she'd know straight away

anyways that caused my cousin to go a bit mental and she thought I killed her mum and dad and threatened to kill me so that was scary and then on the 30th of January 2023 my whole life changed my dad collapsed on the kitchen floor and I was home alone with my siblings and I knew something wasn't right so I got the kids upstairs and just as I did my dad started bleeding from everywhere and he kept being sick blood and I stayed calm and called the ambulance and my mum who was out shopping and he needed to go to the toilet so I picked him up and he collapsed again in my arms and he didn't want me to leave because he thought he was going to die so I sat there for half an hour with my dad's head on my lap talking to him about what to do if he dies and it was horrible

then the ambulance finally got there and they helped him get cleaned up and everything then he went to hospital and I went with him in the ambulance and he really improved so I thought he was ok but he wasn't we got to the hospital and he was making everyone laugh like he does and my mum showed up so I felt safer and he did get bad again but not too bad and I went out to make a phone call to my brother who was in Ireland telling him to come home just incase

and as I went back in my dad was being wheeled off to resus and he'd started bleeding again and there was blood everywhere and he was having seizures and in that moment is when all my calmness went he had all his blood replaced and eventually they had to cut him open the whole way down his stomach he was in theatre for 8 hours and we didn't know if he was dead or alive and it was the scariest 8 hours of my life

and eventually the doctor came and told us he'd made it barely and he was on a ventilator and he'd only been given 6% chance of living but after a few hours he fought himself off the ventilator and woke up and he spent a week in hospital he came home and then until April I was so scared of something happening I was overthinking everything and

then on the 13th of April I met my ex she made me so happy i met her online and we started dating long distance and she said her mum had passed with cancer and stuff and she said she was autistic and stuff so that's alright then her brother "died" and made me feel like sh*t If I mentioned anything about her mum or brother was shouting at me if I didn't have My phone by me 24/

I bought her nice things and went to see her a few times which meant working in the rain while I was really ill just to pay to see her and she said she'd had a baby with this lad before she met me and it passed so anytime I said anything about it made me feel like the worst person in the world

and in the start of November I found out it was all lies her dead mum lies her dead brother lies the illnesses all lies made me think she had a hole in her heart and had seizures on call put fake blood in her mouth and everything all lies the baby lies and turns out for 7 months she was talking to other lads the whole time cheating on me and she keeps making new accounts messaging me haha I got a new bf you were a piece of s**t and stuff

and now I have nothing I couldn't do my gcses last year bcs of everything I have no friends really irl only online ones I've never met I have no job nothing to look forward to in life so what's the point

anyways thats my story thanks for reading I really needed to get that off of my chest

mod edit: added line breaks

Amy22

Hey @joshy123 it definitely sounds like you have been put through so much recently and in the past too. I can imagine how frightening it must have been having a parent in hospital and having to have a major operation too. I am also sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with your relationship and that they were faking illness to cover for their cheating. That must have been terrible to witness and experience in the end only to find out that she was seeing someone else. I am always here if you need someone to talk to anytime .

Sending hugs,

Amy22

toffuna101

@joshy123 despite everything that you've been through, what's important is that you kept on fighting. we're here for you if you ever need to vent, because it's a safe and anonymous space. keep on fighting, even if it's still difficult to

JustV

@joshy123 just a mod note to say I've added some line breaks into your post just for readability - I didn't change any of the content so hopefully I didn't ruin your flow

@toffuna101 is completely right - you're in the right place! Like @Amy22, when I read this my first thought was 'wow, that's a lot'. What a wild few years - any one of those things would be a big life event to process - moving, a parent being unwell, a good breakup let alone a bad one. Dealing with all of them I'm not surprised it's left you feeling depressed. What an ordeal.

Out of interest, how did everything come out about your ex? How did you find out she was lying?

joshy123 wrote: »

and now I have nothing I couldn't do my gcses last year bcs of everything I have no friends really irl only online ones I've never met I have no job nothing to look forward to in life so what's the point

You must be feeling isolated, and maybe a bit aimless.

Have you made any friends through school at all?

sinead276

@joshy123 - like the others have said, it sounds like the last few years have been a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences for you, something i personally can't even imagine going through myself. we're all here to support you however we can and as much as you want

sending hugs
Sinead

Former Member

@JustV I started figuring things out because she was letting slip the odd thing and I don't go to school I'm homeschooled:))

AnonymousToe

@joshy123 I’m so sorry you’ve been through all that, we’re here for you. Sending big hugs

Azziman

Hey @joshy123, thank you for being so brave and sharing your experience here. I hope that it helped to express yourself and take a weight off your shoulders. Echoing what others have said here, it sounds like you've been through so much, and I can hear that you're hurting from these experiences.

The best thing I can say right now is take each day as it comes. There might be a lot on your mind, but taking things a day at a time can help us feel less overwhelmed especially in a situation like this. Trying to envisage your life is difficult at the best of times, but a day is manageable and achievable. Also, I wonder if you'd feel comfortable talking to someone about how you feel? Perhaps a GP who can refer you to a counsellor? It might be helpful to speak to someone as another support option.

As @JustV says, to go through one of those events would be tough, but you've had to go through so many. You've done ever so well to come through and keep going, and I hope that this community can serve as a place that you feel safe in. We're here to support you through this - you're not alone