A comment from my brother

Creativeboy23

Hello.

I shared with my mentor at university that my brother said that I do not need therapy, but my mentor did not acknowledge that it was not a nice comment. He just was explaining to me that my brother probably said that comment because he can cope without it, so he thinks I should too. It is not a comment you say to someone regardless. He just ended the conversation telling me to not take it personal. So, I just felt he was supporting my brother, invalidating my feelings, blaming me for the situation, and wanting to be right.

AislingDM

That's very frustrating @Creativeboy23 , even reading what your mentor said felt jarring to me, and I'm not the one on the receiving end!! Sometimes people really do lack a sense of compassion when they are trying to give you insight, and in the end a lack of kindness kind of invalidates any intention of kindness/support.

I couldn't agree more with you that your brother's comment was unkind and uncalled for, regardless of his intentions, or how he perceives therapy himself, he should not be pushing that narrative onto you. Especially because being brave enough to acknowledge that you need help is already a huge thing, you shouldn't be ridiculed for that!

It seems to me like a lot of people would be better listeners if they were familiar with the difference between venting and solutions. To be totally honest, I only learned about this over the past few years, but a lot of the time in a situation like yours, people (me and you included) just want to express their upset and have their feelings heard, rather than looking for the person's behaviour (him saying you don't need therapy) to be explained to us. I am glad you've come to talk to us on here about your frustration, because it certainly is not right for your brother to say that, and not helpful of your mentor to co-sign his words.

Huge hugs xx

P.S., if you want here is an article you could send to people/post online to explain your stance on sometimes just needing to vent:

https://jswilder16.medium.com/sometimes-we-just-need-to-let-people-vent-e8696ac9da27

Creativeboy23

Hello @AislingDM.

I agree with you. Some people do and yeah they sure do only want to be heard when they are expressing how they are feeling.

Thanks for your support and the link. I really appreciate it.

Huge hugs to you too xx.

AislingDM

Exactly!! I reckon that some people don't even realise the harm they are causing with their words because they pick them out without really thinking of the consequences @Creativeboy23 Regardless, you are having to cope with so much all at once and wanting people to understand that and simply listen is a completely reasonable request I will always be here to listen no matter what, so seriously, thank you for talking to us on here about these situations of invalidation xx