Hate myself

Amy22

I feel like the cause of my mistakes. I keep messing up all the time. No wonder my parents are so ill cause of me. I'm a horrible person and I don't belong in this world anymore.

Former Member

@Amy22 I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, although we don’t know each other from what I have seen you post on the discussions, you are incredibly caring, kind, compassionate and empathetic, you give great advice and support, which I’m sure many people appreciate. I personally find it incredibly admirable that you take the time to read and response to people to try and help, especially despite your own struggles. I don’t think this community would be the same without, I love your sense of humour and how you try to make people feel welcome! Remember to give some of that kindness you give to others, to yourself also.

You said that you feel like the cause of your mistakes, are you referring to anything in particular there?

You also talked about your parents being so ill because of you, would you feel comfortable elaborating on that?

Always here for you! ❤️

kaii

Hey @Amy22, thank you for reaching out, I'm really sorry that this is how you've been feeling.

I'd just like to agree with what @fiona333 said, I've seen the wonderful support you've given to others in this community. You deserve to be rewarded for all your efforts, for working in ways that have been challenging for you. Thank you for making the community a warm and welcoming place.

I understand how frustrated you feel when it comes to making mistakes again and again, as there's a lot of pressure that we feel. I'd just like to say that it's completely okay to keep messing up, that's what makes us human after all. Please be kind to yourself. When it comes to making mistakes, there's always room for improvement and growth. You're doing your best, and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Maybe it would help to take some time for yourself, to help you process things. You could write all your feelings down (or continue writing here if you're comfortable). It can help you feel better from all the weight, as well as let you learn from your them, then improve. Going out for a walk or partaking in a hobby (I've seen that you love crocheting and are really good at it!) could help as well.

If you're comfortable, may I just ask, what mistakes do you think you're the cause for?

I hope that everything gets better for you

Amy22

Thank you so much @Kaii and @fiona333 I think I was just having a silly moment the other day. My dad hasn't been feeling very great as hes got a bad eye so I have been making sure he is okay and sometimes I feel like I might not be too helpful. I kinda get these moments where I am like this.

I am feeling much better today but thank you soo much for the advice xx

Laura_tigger82

You have been really brave reaching out to us @Amy22, especially as you have been finding things tough.

It sounds really difficult that your dad hasn't been feeling very great as he's got a bad eye. What, if anything, might help this to feel more manageable for you at the moment?

We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us. Please feel free to keep us in the loop with how you are doing, we all care about you

Amy22

@Laura_tigger82 thank you so much. I am feeling much better now, sometimes I get these moments you know. But I'm way better.

AislingDM

Glad you're feeling more positive @Amy22 I think that's one of the toughest aspects of these intensely overwhelming negative thoughts, they can feel so immense and inescapable in the moment, and once they pass, we are able to have more clarity. But actually convincing yourself to get to that more positive space can feel next-to-impossible at times What got you feeling better this time? xx

Amy22

@AislingDM I don't know really, I think crochet helps and also I quite recently got to do work experience which was helpful and made me feel happy. I tend to not let myself go back on myself I guess.

Former Member

@Amy22 what kind of things do you crochet? I like arts and crafts too, recently really to into cross stitching and I also love to paint.

Congratulations on your work experience 🥳
What did you do?

And that’s a great approach and mindset to have. It can be hard, but as along as you try, that’s the best anyone can ask for ❤️

Amy22

I tend to crochet dolls and random stuff from my head.

Aw thank you, I was a runner on a film set quite recently which was very fun and I loved it so much

Former Member

@Amy22 oh wow they sound great!

That seems like it would be so much fun, I would love to be able to go on a film set, I think it’s so interesting and people don’t always appreciate the complexity of it!

This is an industry you would like to pursue a career in?

Former Member

Amy22 wrote: »

I feel like the cause of my mistakes. I keep messing up all the time. No wonder my parents are so ill cause of me. I'm a horrible person and I don't belong in this world anymore.

I came across a song a while ago which is dedicated to someone who is in a similar position as you. Here are a few words from it, I hope they cheer you up:
"Tether your soul to me, I will never let go completely. One day your hands will be strong enough to hold me. I might not be there for all your battles. But you'll win them eventually. I pray that I'm giving you all that matters. So one day you'll say to me: I love my life, I am powerful, I am beautiful, I am free. I love my life, I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me." By Robbie Williams in 2016.

Amy22

@fiona333 Thank you so much, it was the best thing I ever done in my life. I am thinking of going into the film industry as it would ge my dream to either write or direct films one day .

Amy22

@AbandonedTrolley aw thank you so much for those lyrics, they are very beautiful

Former Member

Amy22 wrote: »

@AbandonedTrolley aw thank you so much for those lyrics, they are very beautiful

Here is the video of that song! I think it was the last really good song that he wrote as so many people can relate to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4ggyO-OFXU

Amy22

@AbandonedTrolley Thank you so much for this song, it really means a lot to me for you to do this . Thank you so much . Sending you massive hugs xx. Btw its a really cool music video xx.

Former Member

Hey @Amy22

Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing?

Amy22

Hi @Past User I am doing much better now .

Former Member

The singer of that song Robbie Williams also went through his own bad patch when he felt really down. Which he sang about in his 2002 song Feel. So depression can happen to even the most succesful of people.
https://youtu.be/511BreowZxY

AislingDM

@Amy22 that sounds so sick wow!! That must have been amazing work experience!! What was the best part about it? Also was it tiring? I have heard they run runners ragged, not sure if that's just a random rumour though haha

Amy22

Thank you so much @Gerch914

@AislingDM It was the most fantastic thing I have very done in my life. They were quite nice with us runners actually though it can be tiring a bit as you get given a lot of tasks 😂. However, the director was very lovely and so we're the other staff there. The best part I think was when we filmed in this massive house which was so awesome to go inside.

AislingDM

That sounds so brilliant, honestly!! Especially lovely to hear that all the staff (especially the senior staff, like the director) were treating the runners with respect and encouragement. Of course, you're still shattered from bouncing about and getting everything done, but you seem really keen on this type of work, which I love @Amy22 Finding a passion like this is so great! What kind of job do you think you'd like to go on to do in the future? xx

Amy22

@AislingDM Ikr the staff were very lovely working with. I really want to go into directing eventhough I'm not very good at communicating my ideas to others in real life. It would be my dream to become a director or writer for films