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awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
in Health & Wellbeing
I feel a freak and that I don't matter to my gf but I love her but I just feel like she can do better but my mental health is too much
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  • spoonspoon Posts: 375 Listening Ear
    ur gf wouldnt be with u if u didnt matter, u clearly matter to her! and absolutely no shame being a freak, it makes life more interesting and fun. we're all freaks here, and i dont mean just the mix but everywhere. is there anything that helps you when ur mental health gets too much?
    Whats a signatureeeww
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    edited May 2022
    Hiya @awesomeminecraft6789 , I'm so sorry that you feel like this. It seems like you're in a troubled state of mind at the moment - these thoughts don't define you. You matter not only to your girlfriend, but to us too. Can you explain why you feel like you don't matter to your girlfriend?

    It may help to make some time for some self-care, these can be things such as:
    - reading a good book
    - watching TV
    - listening to music
    - going for a walk
    - eating some tasty snacks

    Hoping everything gets better for you <3
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    spoon wrote: »
    ur gf wouldnt be with u if u didnt matter, u clearly matter to her! and absolutely no shame being a freak, it makes life more interesting and fun. we're all freaks here, and i dont mean just the mix but everywhere. is there anything that helps you when ur mental health gets too much?

    Talking to her. Its almost 9 months with her but I just feel like I'm not enough or doing enough for her.
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    Hiya @awesomeminecraft6789 , I'm so sorry that you feel like this. It seems like you're in a troubled state of mind at the moment - these thoughts don't define you. You matter not only to your girlfriend, but to us too. Can you explain why you feel like you don't matter to your girlfriend?

    It may help to make some time for some self-care, these can be things such as:
    - reading a good book
    - watching TV
    - listening to music
    - going for a walk
    - eating some tasty snacks

    Hoping everything gets better for you <3

    Because, its weird but she's beautiful and I don't think I'm good enough looks wise for her, but she says I am but I'm not.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Teamwork and communication are some of the important things that make a good relationship. I'm sure that your girlfriend is aware of whenever you feel like your mental health is too much, and I'm sure that she really appreciates that you're trying your best. So whenever you feel that your mental health is too much, you shouldn't hesitate to talk to her as I'm sure she'll understand. But first, make sure that she has the mental capacity for communication. We're also here for you too.

    It could also help to express your gratitude/appreciation to her for everything that she has done for you. This can be from buying something that she likes, or just simply thanking her through words. By doing this, you may feel that you're contributing to the relationship, and that you're doing your best - which is enough :smile:

    I understand why you don't feel good enough for your girlfriend about because of your looks, but these thoughts definitely aren't true. You and your girlfriend are both attractive in your own ways. You're both still dating because your girlfriend not only sees your physical attractiveness, but your beauty inside that makes you the person you are today <3
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Teamwork and communication are some of the important things that make a good relationship. I'm sure that your girlfriend is aware of whenever you feel like your mental health is too much, and I'm sure that she really appreciates that you're trying your best. So whenever you feel that your mental health is too much, you shouldn't hesitate to talk to her as I'm sure she'll understand. But first, make sure that she has the mental capacity for communication. We're also here for you too.

    It could also help to express your gratitude/appreciation to her for everything that she has done for you. This can be from buying something that she likes, or just simply thanking her through words. By doing this, you may feel that you're contributing to the relationship, and that you're doing your best - which is enough :smile:

    I understand why you don't feel good enough for your girlfriend about because of your looks, but these thoughts definitely aren't true. You and your girlfriend are both attractive in your own ways. You're both still dating because your girlfriend not only sees your physical attractiveness, but your beauty inside that makes you the person you are today <3

    Thank you. Its almost 9 months we've had our ups and downs I've made silly decisions but we are together. When I'm down or when I feel like im not enough I tell her and she helps me which is what I love about her.

    I only think those things/thoughts because of people who have bullied me about what I look like. Plus I'm trying to get better. Things are tough because I don't want to bug my girlfriend with my mental health problems because she has them worse then me so I just bundle it inside even though she tells me to tell her whenever I feel down
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 You're both very lucky to have each other, I wish nothing but the best for the both of you :smile:

    I understand how difficult it is to see how attractive you really are, especially when people have bullied you because of your looks. I understand how hurtful this experience has been, so you are very strong for going through all that. Seeing your own beauty doesn't happen overnight, it's a journey we all take, and I hope you learn to love how you look eventually - regardless of your flaws.

    I understand the reasons for your actions whenever you're feeling down as everyone has their own struggles to deal with. It's great that you show an awareness of your girlfriend's mental health, but bottling up your own problems is unhealthy. The fact that she wants you to tell her what's on your mind when you're feeling down shows that she really cares about you and that she's ready to listen to you. ^^

    It may help to talk to her about your problems whenever she has the mental capacity to listen. If you do have problems and it seems like she's in a troubled state of mind, you could wait for a couple of days until she's ready to listen to you. And as you're waiting, you could find other ways to help you cope better with your problems instead of bundling them, such as making time for self-care or writing down everything that's troubling you. ^^
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 You're both very lucky to have each other, I wish nothing but the best for the both of you :smile:

    I understand how difficult it is to see how attractive you really are, especially when people have bullied you because of your looks. I understand how hurtful this experience has been, so you are very strong for going through all that. Seeing your own beauty doesn't happen overnight, it's a journey we all take, and I hope you learn to love how you look eventually - regardless of your flaws.

    I understand the reasons for your actions whenever you're feeling down as everyone has their own struggles to deal with. It's great that you show an awareness of your girlfriend's mental health, but bottling up your own problems is unhealthy. The fact that she wants you to tell her what's on your mind when you're feeling down shows that she really cares about you and that she's ready to listen to you. ^^

    It may help to talk to her about your problems whenever she has the mental capacity to listen. If you do have problems and it seems like she's in a troubled state of mind, you could wait for a couple of days until she's ready to listen to you. And as you're waiting, you could find other ways to help you cope better with your problems instead of bundling them, such as making time for self-care or writing down everything that's troubling you. ^^

    Hi. I say the Same to her that even though I'm having mental health issues of my own that she can always come to me.

    I previously have made rough decisions and that has also made me want to make sure she's ok as I once dumped her because I liked my ex which broke her into pieces. That still hurts me to this day as she's my everything. So I deserve everything that comes to me unfortunately.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Please don't think that you deserve anything bad because of what you've done. It's okay for you to make mistakes, and it's normal for you to think back about what you could have done. You're learning from your mistakes by making sure that she's okay - which is great, as long as you're both taking care of yourselves. You mentioned that your relationship has lasted for almost 9 months - the fact that your girlfriend continues to stay with you today shows that she trusts you a lot and doesn't resent you for the mistakes that you've done. Even though she was heartbroken when you dumped her, those feelings have passed. Now, I'm certain that she feels happy around you - which is what matters :smile:
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Please don't think that you deserve anything bad because of what you've done. It's okay for you to make mistakes, and it's normal for you to think back about what you could have done. You're learning from your mistakes by making sure that she's okay - which is great, as long as you're both taking care of yourselves. You mentioned that your relationship has lasted for almost 9 months - the fact that your girlfriend continues to stay with you today shows that she trusts you a lot and doesn't resent you for the mistakes that you've done. Even though she was heartbroken when you dumped her, those feelings have passed. Now, I'm certain that she feels happy around you - which is what matters :smile:

    Hi. I understand ye. But I just feel like I'm not ever gonna be able to make up for her because of how awful I've acted. Especially because even when my mental health is too much I sometimes take it out on her which I don't want to so I feel a bad person for doing that.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 You're not a bad person for taking out your mental health on your her - it happens. As you both have your own struggles to deal with, I'm sure that she understands why you've acted the way you have and won't hate you for it ^^ whenever it happens again, making amends with her could help so that you can both get some closure. It's normal to feel that nothing can make up for what you've done - what's important is that you are there for her now, you are trying your best, so well done :smile:
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 You're not a bad person for taking out your mental health on your her - it happens. As you both have your own struggles to deal with, I'm sure that she understands why you've acted the way you have and won't hate you for it ^^ whenever it happens again, making amends with her could help so that you can both get some closure. It's normal to feel that nothing can make up for what you've done - what's important is that you are there for her now, you are trying your best, so well done :smile:

    Hi. I am trying my best because she means everything to me. I often during the start of our relationship like I had suicidal feelings but they didn't mean anything you know? But ever since I got with my girlfriend I feel like they've gone away. I just hope and realises how much she means to me because sorry for going back to the subject but ever since I during the early start of our relationship I said I wanted to go back to my ex she used to be distance and she had just gone through a rough time too s I just want her to know I love her.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 I'm really happy to hear that ever since you dated her, you've gotten a lot better compared to how you felt about yourself before :smile: this is beautiful progress. Also don't worry about going back to the subject - it's cool ^^ I'm sure that your girlfriend is aware that you're trying your best and realises how important she is to you. The fact that you want her to know how much you love her really says a lot about you as a person and that you care about her so much :smile:
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 I'm really happy to hear that ever since you dated her, you've gotten a lot better compared to how you felt about yourself before :smile: this is beautiful progress. Also don't worry about going back to the subject - it's cool ^^ I'm sure that your girlfriend is aware that you're trying your best and realises how important she is to you. The fact that you want her to know how much you love her really says a lot about you as a person and that you care about her so much :smile:

    Thank you. Means a lot
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Don't feel enough for my gf. I don't know why she puts up with me. No one wants someone like me im nothing.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Hey I'm so sorry that I only saw this now, I know how difficult it is to stop thinking about those thoughts, and I know that they can't vanish right away. But if you still feel like this, please remind yourself that you're only trying your best and she appreciates it :smile: you're both very lucky to have each other ^^
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Hey I'm so sorry that I only saw this now, I know how difficult it is to stop thinking about those thoughts, and I know that they can't vanish right away. But if you still feel like this, please remind yourself that you're only trying your best and she appreciates it :smile: you're both very lucky to have each other ^^

    Hey.

    I'm not enough for her she can do better. I'm just a problem to her mental health which is horrible.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Has there been anything that's happened recently that has made you think that? It's perfectly okay to be doubtful sometimes, though the fact that she is still with you means that she thinks you are definitely enough for her ^^
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Has there been anything that's happened recently that has made you think that? It's perfectly okay to be doubtful sometimes, though the fact that she is still with you means that she thinks you are definitely enough for her ^^

    My gf dad called me something really rude last night that she told me he called me. Its made me think about the relationship obviously its not her that said it its him but I dk. Tbh
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 I'm so sorry that he called you something rude, you must feel very upset because of this, especially since you don't mean to cause any harm at all. May I ask, how much does he know about your relationship?
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 I'm so sorry that he called you something rude, you must feel very upset because of this, especially since you don't mean to cause any harm at all. May I ask, how much does he know about your relationship?

    My gf hasn't told him anything. As of all I know. But he found my fb account which has my gf on it and he called me a retard and apparently I got special needs. Which I don't. Tbh I dk what to do. I love her but it's made my mental health go bad.
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,238 Part of The Furniture
    This sounds really difficult @awesomeminecraft6789. You have been really brave in sharing this with us. Have you been able to talk to anyone else about what your girlfriend's dad is saying?

    And also, I hear that your mental health has gotten bad. Would you like to tell us more about what this looks like for you at the moment? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us :)
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  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 That's just terrible, I'm so sorry that he said all those things. Those words are so harsh, I understand how this takes a toll on your mental health. Have you asked your girlfriend about how she feels about what her dad said about your relationship?

    Since you mentioned that your mental health has gotten bad, it may help to try these things:
    - distract yourself by doing a hobby
    - going out for a walk
    - watching a movie/tv show
    - reading a good book
    - listening to music

    Please take all the time you need for you to feel alright again.
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 That's just terrible, I'm so sorry that he said all those things. Those words are so harsh, I understand how this takes a toll on your mental health. Have you asked your girlfriend about how she feels about what her dad said about your relationship?

    Since you mentioned that your mental health has gotten bad, it may help to try these things:
    - distract yourself by doing a hobby
    - going out for a walk
    - watching a movie/tv show
    - reading a good book
    - listening to music

    Please take all the time you need for you to feel alright again.
    Laura_tigger82 wrote: »
    This sounds really difficult @awesomeminecraft6789. You have been really brave in sharing this with us. Have you been able to talk to anyone else about what your girlfriend's dad is saying?

    And also, I hear that your mental health has gotten bad. Would you like to tell us more about what this looks like for you at the moment? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us :)

    Hey guys.
    I have spoken to her about what her dad said to me. She said she was annoyed but couldn't get her feelings out there which I understand tbh I'd struggle as well. It's not her fault at all she's done nothing wrong. Her dad hasn't liked her having a bf because she got groomed previously when she was young and he thinks I'm doing the same which I'm not. Tbh my mental health is rubbish anyway but I'm trying to support her. She's sad about what her dad said as she wants to protect me but she don't want to cause a wall between the family which I understand. Btw thank you!
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    Hey @awesomeminecraft6789 , you're doing great for doing your best by supporting your girlfriend and for coping with this difficult situation. I understand why your girlfriend feels this way because she loves you, but also respects her dad's opinion.

    It's understandable why her dad doesn't want her to have a boyfriend - it seems that he just wants to protect her from being groomed again. It will be hard to convince him right away that you're not grooming her. I hope that over time, your girlfriend's dad will realise that you care about her a lot and don't intend to cause her any harm.
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    Hey @awesomeminecraft6789 , you're doing great for doing your best by supporting your girlfriend and for coping with this difficult situation. I understand why your girlfriend feels this way because she loves you, but also respects her dad's opinion.

    It's understandable why her dad doesn't want her to have a boyfriend - it seems that he just wants to protect her from being groomed again. It will be hard to convince him right away that you're not grooming her. I hope that over time, your girlfriend's dad will realise that you care about her a lot and don't intend to cause her any harm.

    Hey.
    I've never met her dad. Her mum isn't in her life so that's why I only me tion her dad btw. Just everything that's going on my mind is like do I stop talking to her as he might get angry at her or do I carry on. Of course I want to talk to her I love her but it's whether that's the best way to go. Just stressing got a massive headache.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 Oh I see. I understand how conflicted you are, this is a really difficult situation. You're doing well for trying your best. May I ask, how often do you and your girlfriend talk to each other?
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    @kaira_rubit we talk mainly every day she sometimes go off the track for hours probably because she's doing things but I don't feel like in doing my eat though you know?
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 I see, maybe it would help to talk to her for a few days a week instead of every day, like 3 days a week. You will still talk to her this way, and maybe her dad won't get angry as he may notice that you're not talking everyday.

    Could you also clarify what you were trying to say near the end please?
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    kaira_rubit wrote: »
    @awesomeminecraft6789 I see, maybe it would help to talk to her for a few days a week instead of every day, like 3 days a week. You will still talk to her this way, and maybe her dad won't get angry as he may notice that you're not talking everyday.

    Could you also clarify what you were trying to say near the end please?

    Hi.
    Sorry I meant I'm not doing my best. But I'm trying everything but I can't. Its to much.
  • kaiikaii Posts: 505 A 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive?
    @awesomeminecraft6789 I can see that you're determined to do everything you can ^^ and I understand how difficult it can be, especially when you don't know what to do. For now, It may help to distract yourself from this, so that you can think about what you can do in the right frame of mind. What things do you like doing? Watching tv or having a cup of tea can help clear your head :smile:
    cinnamoroll supremacy : )
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