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Being distant and struggling to reply to anyone.

SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
I have a load of Facebook messages that I just haven’t replied to. Does anyone else get like this. Like it’s not hard to just reply and it would fee a weight lifted if I do but I just don’t
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    Hey @Shaunie,

    I know it can be so difficult to reach out or reply to people when our mental health dips, and that's perfectly okay, we all cope in different ways. I have about 30 unread messages from when I've been struggling, and it just feels like there's no point replying now. I just want you to know that your true friends will still be there waiting for you when you finally manage to get back to them. Take your time though, recovery isn't linear, and you're doing what you can to get through each day, adding extra pressure to reply to everyone isn't what you need right now. Maybe just reach out to one person the next time you feel lighter or your mental health is in a better place, even if you just send one message and can't reply to their reply, that's still a massive step. Even if it's just to say that you can't really reach out right now but you do love and care for them. Just take as much time as you need, because your recovery and your mental health are priorities, and I'm sure the people you care about will feel the same. I know it can feel really frustrating, but you're already dealing with a lot, you don't need to put more pressure on yourself.

    Sending you lots of love<3
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    Yup I get like this a lot. Sometimes I have like 20 unread texts and so little energy to reply. Then they build up and build up and before long you’ve not replied for a week and it would be weird to reply :lol: I wondered if I was the only one too
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    I'm also on team slow reply! I also appreciate how as the messages stack up, it can make it harder to reply as feels like so many conversations to get back to! What I would say though is sometimes owning this can be quite helpful, tell people that you do take time to get back to messages at times and it isn't because of them, it's just what you need at times. I trust that the people I care most about will appreciate this. Sometimes it can take me weeks to reply, because I want to make sure I give it my proper attention and a decent reply. When you think about it, it's only been in the last 10-15 years when people have had the tools to be able to reply instantly, not long ago, there would be at least a few days delay because of the post, or that you were able to get on the internet when you went to school or the library. It's a different kind of pressure that people haven't had to think about until recently.
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  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    Hey @Shaunie

    Thanks for reaching out and what a great question too! I can hear the concerns you have about not feeling like you want to socialise but also feeling the pressure of not having replied to everyone. It is great to see the wonderful support @Brookee, @independent_ and @Ed_ have already provided.

    I am just wondering if there is anything, in particular, about the messages not being replied to that make you feel pressured and worried? For me, I have noticed that I feel less pressured to respond if I turn the notifications off. I am wondering if something similar could help you?

    Please remember it is absolutely ok to respond when you are feeling like responding to people and not until then <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Yes!!! On WhatsApp too. I don’t click on them because need to be in the right headspace and have the time and energy to reply. Then watch them pile up, get a bit overwhelmed, then have to leave it even longer. Can relate @Shaunie !!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    Heyy @Shaunie

    You're definitely not the only late replier! Sometimes it can be nice to just focus on one thing at a time when we are overwhelmed and yeah fb messages might be on the bottom of that list.Try to focus on doing things you really enjoy doing (such as self-care or your hobbies). Do you have someone in your immediate environment you can talk to (not digitally)? Doing these things might help you feel less overwhelmed so that when you're ready, you can tackle your fb messages.

    xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Ex-Teenage Dirtbag Posts: 804 Part of The Mix Family
    Yeah I get this, I like to try to respond to messages as soon as I get them to avoid this problem

    You can think of this as if it were doing dishes.

    When you make use a dish it would not take much energy or time to wash that dish as soon as you're done with it, but it's even easier to leave the dish in the sink and not wash it at all, then all of a sudden you have loads of dishes and that does take energy and time.

    So yeah I like to respond to things as soon as they come in, but also I'd say most people don't expect more than a short response.
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,307 Part of The Furniture
    Hey all,

    Thanks @Lucy307, @Sona, and @Apollo for continuing to provide @Shaunie with some wonderful support. The support you all provide to one another is super valuable. You all have such a range of amazing tips. How are you all today? :)
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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