Home Gender & Sexuality
Take part in our Watch Club tonight at 7.30pm. We'll be talking about the TV series Euphoria! Join from this page.
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Anyone is welcome to join. Sign up here
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Feeling ashamed

SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Posts: 111 The Mix Convert
Sexuality is something I’ve never felt particularly comfortable talking about. It always made me feel flustered and to some degree false. If anyone asked about my sexuality I’d always say heterosexual, it felt like the easiest answer, it still does. I’ve always known how I felt, gender has never mattered to me. But I pushed down my feelings, I counted myself lucky that not caring about gender meant I could just label myself as heterosexual. I thought it would be easy to keep my feelings buried. What’s the point in having awkward conversations with friends and family when there’s a chance I could just fall in love with someone who identifies as male.

But I can’t keep it buried anymore, I don’t know why. My sexuality doesn’t matter , it’s not a big deal, I don’t know why I suddenly feel sick whenever I label myself as heterosexual. I just know I feel fake, I know whenever I’m around my friends I feel false. When people talk about sexuality I immediately feel like there’s a spotlight shining on me, and someone’s about to yell “she’s a liar”. I didn’t even feel comfortable explaining what the film show love Simon was about to my mum when she asked lol. I was afraid admitting to watching a move with a gay protagonist would expose me somehow :joy:

I want to tell my friends the truth but I’m so afraid of how it’ll change things. I don’t want them to think my compliments are attempts at flirting, I don’t want them to stop hugging me. I don’t want things to feel strange.
And I don’t want it to be seen as a phase, I worry how I feel isn’t enough for people to accept it. I worry people won’t accept it until I’ve been in relationships with people who identify as male and people who don’t.

I know I don’t need people’s acceptance to be valid. But I care about these people and I care about what they think of me, probably more than I should. But I don’t want to lie anymore. I just want to be able to mention it casually and that be the end of it, but I know in reality things don’t always work that way.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this, I guess it’s just a small step.
Up until recently whenever I thought about this I’d have to repeat in my head “I’m straight” , I felt too ashamed to admit otherwise even in my head. But I’m not straight.

To whoever’s reading this you’re an awesome human being and I hope you have an amazing day <3
lovemimoonindependent_ApolloLorryTruckAislingDM

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 7,743 Legendary Poster
    Hey @SpaceOtter I’m glad you wrote this actually. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to how you feel and even if they’re just reading your post, it will help them to know they’re not alone. It’s ok to feel confused and it’s ok to take as much time as you need to figure it out.

    I find a good way to gauge how people feel about sexuality is to casually bring up an LGBT issue in conversation, and see how they respond. Most of our generation are very accepting these days, which is amazing.

    I can assure you that your family and friends love you for who you are. And in my experience people would rather you were able to be yourself. I’m not out to many people, but it took me a good 18 months of a relationship to tell my partner I was bi, because I was worried like you that it would change things. But in reality it’s changed nothing. Sure, there are some people who will be less accepting, but the vast majority of people are happy so long as you’re happy. I know if one of my friends came out to me I’d be really proud of them, and I’d be so happy they felt they could tell me.

    I don’t know if any of this will help but it’s just my thoughts on it. You don’t need to put a label on yourself before you’re ready, you’re just you. And you’re awesome!
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    lovemimoonApolloLorryTruckSpaceOtter
  • ApolloApollo Teenage Dirtbag ScotlandPosts: 791 Part of The Mix Family
    @SpaceOtter
    You don't have to be ashamed and I'm really proud of you for telling us this. I agree with Elle, as she's actually experienced similar herself as she said

    Anyone with any level of decency will think of you in the same way if you come out to them, but I understand that acceptance from people is important and it can feel scary to be honest about things when you think you might lose that acceptance.

    Everyone here knows you're great and being bi or pan or however you chose to identify doesn't change how great of a person you are.

    I can see it took bravery for you to say this so well done. When someone chooses to show who they are, (whether it's to the world or just a post like this) it shows the world that being who you are isn't to be ashamed of, it's to be proud of - and maybe it will instill someone else with confidence to do the same.

    Thank you
    🎵 I feel so funny these days, I'd rather sleep than stay awake 🎵
    LorryTruckSpaceOtter
  • SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Posts: 111 The Mix Convert
    Hi @independent_ thank you so much, your words have helped more than you could ever know. Sending a big thank you hug <3

    That’s a good idea, we’ve had conversations about in the past and they’re really open minded people. I just feel like I’ve betrayed them by lying. But I think I should give them more credit, I think your right they’ll just be happy I feel comfortable being myself.

    I’m really glad your partner was understanding and accepting. You’re right most people won’t mind, I guess I’m worried about the worse case scenario. Unfortunately in life There’s always going to be people who can’t accept it but I’ll focus on the ones that can.

    Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. Just getting this all off my chest was really nice, it was the first step into being open and honest.

    Hope you have a wonderful day :)
  • SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Posts: 111 The Mix Convert
    Hey @Apollo , thank you so much for your kind reply, it means a lot.

    Thank you. I’m me and I’ll always be. My Sexuality doesn’t change who I am. People who don’t accept it probably aren’t the people I want as friends. But it can still feel quite daunting, posting really helped. It’s like finally putting down a really big rock.

    I know talking to family will be tricky and something I won’t do for a very long time. But if I feel alone I know I can be honest here. This is really wonderful supportive community,
    And soon I’ll hopefully be able to be honest with friends too.

    Thank you again Apollo !
    Hope you have an awesome day!!!
    Apollo
  • AnnieDPAnnieDP Posts: 23 Boards Initiate
    Hey @SpaceOtter, I wanted to start off by saying how proud I am of you for being able to open up about this, as I know from experience that the initial realisation of who you really are can be incredibly overwhelming.

    Coming out to anybody can be so daunting, and you deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you exactly as you are. Young people are typically accepting and can often be pretty knowledgeable on LGBTQ+ topics thanks to increased awareness, but if anybody reacts negatively, just know that you are worth so much more than their uneducated opinions. It's uplifting to see that you know that it doesn't change you, that self-assurance is invaluable and will be a powerful tool in so many aspects of your life, including your sexuality.

    Thank you for your openness and I wish you all the best- we're always here if you need more support :)
    SpaceOtter
  • SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Posts: 111 The Mix Convert
    Hi @AnnieDP happy Wednesday, thank you so much for your really kind words <3 This community being so supportive and wonderful really helped me open up.

    Your reply meant a lot, and remember we’re here if you ever need anything too <3
    I’m Always happy to listen.

    Hope you Have an amazing day :)
    lovemimoon
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon 🦋 Posts: 2,303 Boards Champion
    Hi @SpaceOtter

    First of all, thank you so much for sharing this with us! It's a big step!

    It's never easy coming out and understandably so. I agree with @independent_ here; our generation is very accepting and it's always good to start a conversation about an LGBTQ+ issue! You can tell a lot from their responses.

    This:
    I know I don’t need people’s acceptance to be valid. But I care about these people and I care about what they think of me, probably more than I should. But I don’t want to lie anymore. I just want to be able to mention it casually and that be the end of it, but I know in reality things don’t always work that way.
    Speaks so much volume. <3<3<3
    It's scary to think what the people we care about may see us after we come out and there might be a lot of reactions:
    - Some may be very supportive of you <3
    - Some may have questions and it's understandable; they're processing this.
    - Some may not accept you.
    And those who reject you? That's their ignorance speaking, and you don't need that in your life. You're worth much more than ignorant minds. <3

    I'm so sorry you feel this way:
    I just feel like I’ve betrayed them by lying.
    It's not easy coming out and I'm sure your friends will understand that this was a really big step for you. <3

    This:
    I don’t want them to think my compliments are attempts at flirting, I don’t want them to stop hugging me. I don’t want things to feel strange.
    And I don’t want it to be seen as a phase, I worry how I feel isn’t enough for people to accept it. I worry people won’t accept it until I’ve been in relationships with people who identify as male and people who don’t.
    It's important to bring this up too! That regardless of what your sexuality is, the way that you feel towards them is strictly platonic and that will never change. <3
    That past experiences or relationships doesn't define your sexuality at all. <3

    I'm so happy that you've shared this with us! I hope everything goes well! :3<3
    SpaceOtter
  • SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Posts: 111 The Mix Convert
    Thank you @lovemimoon :)
    I’m starting to see by people’s lovely responses here that our generation is more accepting than I realised. Thank you again for your kind reply .

    Being able to share here was a weight off my shoulders . It also helped put some of my fears at ease. I know that no matter what happens there’s nothing wrong with who I am.


    I hope you have an awesome day <3

    lovemimoon
  • JordanJordan Posts: 344 Super Moderator
    Glad to hear being able to share your thoughts her on The Mix has taken some of the weight off your shoulders, @SpaceOtter and there is certainly nothing wrong with who you are.

    I understand what you mean when you say you know you don't need other peoples acceptance to be valid, but sometimes it can help to know other people have our backs and support us. From reading your replies in this thread it sounds like your friends are open minded people. Yet, even if we plan on coming out to someone we trust fully and know would accept us, it can still be a really nervewracking and daunting experience.

    Everyones journey to "come out" is different and unique. Everyone on The Mix is here to support you, whatever that journey may look like :smile:
    SpaceOtter
  • kaishapb_15kaishapb_15 Posts: 16 Settling in
    Hey @SpaceOtter well done for sharing your experience, I think its such an important step in the journey of self acceptance and you should be proud of yourself!

    There are a lot of people who choose not to specifically label their sexuality which is important to consider as you don't owe anyone an explanation. Of course being open with your friends can also be helpful and maybe you can talk to them about how you are feeling if you feel comfortable enough. Your friends sound like they would be accepting of whoever you are, but any negative reaction would be a reflection of them and not you. Remember your feelings are always valid and we are here for you <3
    lovemimoonAislingDMSpaceOtter
  • AislingDMAislingDM Posts: 629 Moderator
    Just thought I'd say it's wonderful how support everyone is being and I do hope that you're feeling able to keep talking to us about how you're feeling atm @SpaceOtter <3
    SpaceOtter
Sign In or Register to comment.