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Family dynamics & ranties
Former Member
Posts: 177 Helping Hand
I have a bit of rant here that I need to say, because if I get mad about this in front of my parents, correct me if I wrong anyway. I'm not good at making opinions, and my words really messy here because I really want to say something.
A little bit of the backgrounds of my mother's siblings:
Tw in spoiler:
Anywho, I don't really like the "respect your elders." And "family by blood is everything" Card and it makes me more pissed off everytime I hear about it. No it's not always right and this can be downright toxic. Just because a mother give a birth to you that doesn't mean that you have to 'respect' her no matter how she treated you that badly. I being angry to my parents why my mom had harmed me and my brother and ended up getting slapped by my parents, I am not allowed being angry about this and said I should had just respect them because they're in the 'right'. Everytime I disagree about this, all of them immediately shamed and scolded at me and always said my opinions always don't make sense. it's very annoying.
So I just want to say, if you have a good family who always supported you, that's great, but if your family members are toxic even siblings or family members you live with, you can cut them off and move on from them. You are you, and family are the ones who supported you and it's not just about blood relations.
(I mostly in the wrong and i'm so sorry if there's something offensive by what I just said)
A little bit of the backgrounds of my mother's siblings:
Tw in spoiler:
Mostly on my mother's family, I have an uncle who is addicted to drugs and likes to steal other people stuff since I was a kid and ran away from my grandparents home, his baby son had passed away and his wife who was a house maid in my grandma's house had stole my grandma's jewelry and ran away. Years later, my uncle who's addicted stayed at the hospital and experienced coma ever since. He's still alive now and I don't know his condition since he's remain unknown.
Then there's my aunt's family who has 3 kids and a husband. I heard that my aunt is always being harsh on the first and the second oldest child while she spoiled the youngest one.
Until I was about in high school, his husband ran away from home because he lend a lot of money to the person he's working with. Later my aunt's shocked because he didn't pay them back so their home was confiscated by his boss and locating all of my aunt's family member by their phones (she and my 3 cousins). They don't officially married though so there's no divorce. My mom and her other siblings told my aunt that she should break up with him and never come back again, she said she still want to be with him.
While their home was confiscated, they decided to live inside my grandparents house, except for the oldest cousin who lived with me as a roommate now. Yet the youngest one, she let his girlfriend live inside their house and slept inside the room with him. She also tend to borrow their son's money. My grandparents, my mom and her siblings were enraged about this, but my aunt still didn't listen.
Then there's my aunt's family who has 3 kids and a husband. I heard that my aunt is always being harsh on the first and the second oldest child while she spoiled the youngest one.
Until I was about in high school, his husband ran away from home because he lend a lot of money to the person he's working with. Later my aunt's shocked because he didn't pay them back so their home was confiscated by his boss and locating all of my aunt's family member by their phones (she and my 3 cousins). They don't officially married though so there's no divorce. My mom and her other siblings told my aunt that she should break up with him and never come back again, she said she still want to be with him.
While their home was confiscated, they decided to live inside my grandparents house, except for the oldest cousin who lived with me as a roommate now. Yet the youngest one, she let his girlfriend live inside their house and slept inside the room with him. She also tend to borrow their son's money. My grandparents, my mom and her siblings were enraged about this, but my aunt still didn't listen.
Anywho, I don't really like the "respect your elders." And "family by blood is everything" Card and it makes me more pissed off everytime I hear about it. No it's not always right and this can be downright toxic. Just because a mother give a birth to you that doesn't mean that you have to 'respect' her no matter how she treated you that badly. I being angry to my parents why my mom had harmed me and my brother and ended up getting slapped by my parents, I am not allowed being angry about this and said I should had just respect them because they're in the 'right'. Everytime I disagree about this, all of them immediately shamed and scolded at me and always said my opinions always don't make sense. it's very annoying.
So I just want to say, if you have a good family who always supported you, that's great, but if your family members are toxic even siblings or family members you live with, you can cut them off and move on from them. You are you, and family are the ones who supported you and it's not just about blood relations.
(I mostly in the wrong and i'm so sorry if there's something offensive by what I just said)
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Comments
Also, send hugs for you too!
How are you this evening? I'm really sorry to hear about this. You can always rant to us, I promise.
Families are very complicated things and they come in all different shapes and sizes. Not one family is the same as another one however that doesn't mean that what you have just said isn't important, because it is important and I'm glad you've reached out to us over this.
Quite often, the saying "you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family" is very familiar to how alot of people see their own families and that is absolutely OK. Families are important but in many circumstances, our closest friends can become or brothers and sisters and such, and for some that bond can be stronger than blood. The word family has a different meaning to everyone.
I'm sorry that you don't have a great relationship with yours but always remember that you've got the Mix family looking out for you always. We're more than just a community.
Stay strong 💪🏻
-Liam ❤️
Some people won't agree with you, but I came here to say that I agree. You don't owe your family anything and believing that blood family is everything is toxic.
My dad's side has wanted nothing to do with me for pretty much 20 years. I've started having some contact with them and they don't feel like my family.
Family are those who care about you, care for you and are there for you when you need them.
You're not in the wrong and I'm sorry they make you feel that way.
Family are the people who treat you well and are the people who don't cause you harm.
Always here if you need a chat
I'm doing alright like the usual, I agree that every family is different, everyone won't agree with me so it's okay, and @Anch0r33 I'm sorry to hear about your family on your dad's side, and I'm here for you if you want to chat with me too
Honestly, now everyone in my family had changed to the opposite and they're supported me like nothing had happened than the one I'm experienced in the past. Recently, my mom talks with her sisters or my other aunts recently discussing my cousin's family. She talks about how important a mother is to my cousins , and talk about karma, god etc. For my aunt, she always tell to talk to her friends instead her siblings, I heard that my mom grumpily said that her friends are brainwashing my aunt to her sisters.
Their reasoning is just sound simple and kind of nonsense to me, I also think that this is why my aunt refuses to talk with her siblings but talk with her friends instead, now I don't know who is right or wrong here.