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Struggling to cope (tw)

LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
edited November 8 in Health & Wellbeing

I think that this would be a TW..

I’m really sorry if this is ridiculously long. I’ve never really done this before. I’m not one for talking about my feelings and I don’t even know if this will be helpful for me but I’m struggling quite a lot right now and I’m feeling super alone with it all. I feel like I need to get everything off of my chest so I thought that I’d do it here.  I’m hoping to clear my mind a little by posting this but I’m also  (hopefully) looking for some advice from you knowledgable people. Also, I know I’m “deactivated” I took a break to deal with some things but obvs haven’t been dealing with them very well lol.


I’ve never been diagnosed with any mental health issues but I am diagnosed ADHD, my meds work  well. I’m usually in a very happy/hyper mood but sometimes I’ll have an energy crash and my mood will be super low but within few hours I’ll be back to my normal self however recently, for the past 3 weeks or so I’ve been on a low and no matter what I do I can’t seem to boost my mood. I feel like I’ve held everything in for so long all of my feelings and issues are starting to surface and I don’t know how to deal with them because I’ve never dealt with them before? Idk if that sounds stupid lol. I’ve been trying to do what I usually do by ignoring them and hoping they go away, but that’s not working this time and I can feel myself feeling worse and worse every day. I have been feeling scarily low and have at times felt really suicidal just because everything feels like too much to deal with.


I feel like everything has surfaced at once and I don’t know which issue to tackle first and I don’t know how to “tackle” the issues. I don’t like the idea of counselling or talking face to face but I’m thinking that is probably the route I’m going to have to take. I’m hoping that just writing and getting it all our here helps so that I don’t actually have to talk to a professional.


I was sexually abused when I was a wean. I don’t remember a lot of it but I do have some memories which I had happily tucked away in the back of my mind. The memories have recently started coming back, I’m remembering more and more of what happened but it’s not vivid memories and so I don’t know whether its just my mind playing tricks on me?. I think I never really accepted what happened and I’m just now starting to try and digest it all. It’s making me question and worry about a lot of things. I feel like I’m different to most of my guy friends, they are usually quite happy to talk about sex and masturbation but the whole idea of sex and even masturbation makes me feel sick and that in itself makes me feel like I’m the odd one out and like I’m not “masculine”. I do pretend but I worry about them noticing that I’m not actually into that type of stuff and I also worry that this won’t ever change and that ill be this way forever which consequently will affect me ever having a relationship with any female.


I’m young, probably too young for girlfriends anyway but I avoid them at all costs. I have had opportunities to get with people who I have genuinely liked but the idea of relationships and being intimate scares me and so whenever I get close to a girl, even just as a friend, I tend to end up pushing them away.


I have a totally different life now so It does feel stupid of me to re visit these memories instead of leaving them in the past. I have adoptive parents which to be honest, I don’t even see them as “adoptive” they’ve always just been mam and dad to me. They are supportive but they are currently going through a relationship break down, dad is cheating on mam and I just don’t feel comfortable to open up to them about it. They of course know about the sexual abuse but they don’t know that I’m struggling with my thoughts right now.


I’m feeling very paranoid and as if my friends all know about the sexual abuse and are judging me for it or thinking of me as less of a “lad”. I know that they don’t know and I also know that even if they did know, they wouldn’t judge me but it is still a thought in the back of my mind.  I have successfully pushed away people I’m close with and genuinely care about these past few weeks. I’m in a rotten mood and snapping at folk for no reason. I just feel everything building up and I’m about ready to pop.


I pretty much feel like I’m all out of tears. I am the happy and jokey friend so I don’t know how to tell people that I’m not feeling like my usual self right now without them worrying or just not taking me seriously. I think that It would be way out of my comfort zone to talk to friends about it anyway because I don’t trust anyone well enough to not tell someone else. 


I just feel like a super rubbish person right now and I feel paranoid that everyone hates me and knows everything about me.


I guess I’d just like to know how best to tackle these issues. I don’t want to just sit and dwell on my feelings and I don’t know how much longer I can put up with feeling so utterly rubbish. How can I feel better and how can I once again, bury the memories of my past?


I really just want someone to take my seriously, you know? I am so low right now I don’t even know what to do with myself.


Thank you for reading, I’m so sorry that it’s a long one.I’d really appreciate any advice that you may have.

Anch0r33independent_errrinSalix_alba_2019DandelionThatFelixGuyLorryTruckEmoji246Laine
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Comments

  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 565 Incredible Poster
    Heya, I'm honestly so proud of you for reaching out and posting this. You've made an amazing step that will hopefully help lead you to the support you so very much deserve. 

    Sometimes taking a break helps, sometimes it doesn't, but the fact that you tried is very positive. It's good to see you back though. 

    It's possible that with everything that's been going on for you, that you're actually stuck in a bit of a depression. That's not to say you have depression, although that's also possible. I guess only a professional could diagnose you. You talk about highs and lows, that could be anything from bipolar to borderline personality disorder (BPD). Again not to say this is something you have. You may just be going through a rough patch and either way you've done the right thing by reaching out. 

    It might be worth making a list of things that you enjoy doing and keeping them handy for when you're not feeling so great - have a quote book or write. You could even write letters to people who have hurt you - rip them up, burn them or lock them away. Whatever you need to do to feel better. 

    Self care is important - you're so so good at looking out for others. It's time to put yourself first. You're such a brave young lad and have been through so much shit it's unbelievable. But you've got a good support base here and hopefully we can all help you getting back to your usual self. 

    By pushing away your feelings, all it's doing is jamming them inside you until you can't take it anymore and then they all come out - you'll know I'm in a similar situation - you're doing so so well. Sometimes I like to think of a volcano - the lava slowly and gradually builds up until it can't handle anymore and then it all explodes. Sometimes putting a visual to your feelings can help (I learned that in therapy hehe). 

    You could try making a mindmap of how you're feeling, thoughts that pop into your head or anything else you think might be relevant. 

    Regarding counselling, it's possible to do a phone consultation or even writing a letter and handing them it when you get there. You could maybe look at the counselling that the mix offers (when that has spaces). If nothing really appeals to you, you've always got us on here. We're not professional so it might give you the informality that you want and the space to say what you need to say. I also know that Childline isn't really up your street, but the 1-2-1 chats might work for talking through your feelings and options and feeling heard. Sometimes it's nice just to be listened to and heard. 

    As you age, and feel saferz it's common that uncomfortable memories will start to resurface. Now you're around the age of puberty etc it seems only natural that these memories will start to appear. The mind has a good way of protecting you from things until you're ready to know them. Sometimes though, we'll never be ready for these things. I guess that's what counsellors and similar people are for. It might be worth trying to talk to someone professional, as hard as it may be. Is it possible to maybe have a look for a counsellor that deals specifically with abuse and trauma? I always feel so awkward trying to bring up my past to people who don't specialise in the area. Maybe having someone that you know is trained in the areas you need them to be trained in would help you feel more comfortable? 

    I know I've said this before regarding your mam and dad, but it's so unfair that your dad is essentially forcing you to keep these secrets. It's unfair on both you and your mam. You both deserve better than that. I don't have any advice regarding that but I wanted to acknowledge it <3 

    Would it be worth talking to your parents (or a specific parent if it's easier) regarding how you've been feeling? I know you'll probably feel like you don't want to bother them or have them worry - but they'll know in themselves that you've not been yourself. You're their son, and they love you very much. They'll want to support you in any way that they can, and if that means being a listening ear, then they should be there to support you. They'll know themselves that this day would come, you'd have more questions and start to remember more. They'll want you to be open with them <3

    You've got a lot on your mind, and you're struggling to deal with it all. I'm gonna give you some advice that you gave me regarding my mum and the house - start in the corner and work your way out. Choose a small area to focus on and slowly work your way out of there. Write down everything that's bothering you, choose the easier to deal with things and get them out of the way first. Then the big things won't seem so big anymore and might be more manageable for you - even if you still need some support, that's okay too. 

    It's totally normal to feel paranoid about what others are thinking. Just know that as a teenager, most people are paranoid about something - how they look, smell, walk, talk. Literally anything. Just know that it's okay to feel paranoid, but try not to let it consume you. Your feelings are valid and so are you. 

    You've worked through this alone for so long, you deserve all the support in the world and I hope I can be there for and with you every step of the way <3 
    👁️👄👁️
    errrinLiamindependent_
  • errrinerrrin Posts: 104 The Mix Convert
    edited November 9
    Hey Liam, it really does sound like you’ve got a lot going on in your mind right now, too much for one person to deal with alone. Firstly may I say how amazingly brave it was of you to open up like you have, that’s a truly strong thing to do Liam.
    i dont think any of what you said is stupid, the mind is a strange thing we never know when our thoughts are going to come bubbling to the surface. It’s perfectly understandable that you’re feeling how are you right now , there’s only so long we can ignore our feelings for, ignoring the problem never makes the pain go away. It’s ok to be scared about therapists and opening up face to face, but we’re always here for you too. I’m happy to listen any time Liam if you ever need anything, and Im pretty sure a lot of people here will say the same. 

    I don’t know if you’ll feel the way you do about sex forever but even if you do lots of people can still have wonderful and healthy relationships. I know we live in a world where it seems like we have to be one way but that’s not true at all, it’s about finding what we’re comfortable with and people who accept us for who we are.

    I’m sorry to hear about everything going on with your parents. But I’m sure they love you and would want to know how much pain you’re in. Sometimes opening up to people away from the situation can help too.  we’re here too and there’s lots of other sites too like child line that can help. I’m sorry Ive never been through anything like that so I can’t relate but I can tell you that I do really care. 

    One thing someone always told me is the imagine one of my friends in my position and what I would say to them, I wouldn’t tell them all the negative things I’m telling myself. But it’s is perfectly understandable to be paranoid and talking through those thoughts like you are now can be helpful. 

    I think in life it’s easy to forget that happy bubbly people around us are often hurting too. But Im sure they’d support you Liam and they wouldn’t care about you any less if you admitted you were struggling, you’re human Liam it’s ok to have bad weeks. It’s ok snap at people and get irritated but it’s amazing that you’ve recognised that you’re struggling. But know that we’re all here for you. 

    (I’m really sorry if any of this came off patronising, you’ve helped so many of us Liam. you’ve helped me a lot. I don’t have any advise but I knew I needed to reply, because I care about you and I’m always here if you ever need anything )

    .You’re an amazing beautiful soul and  what you’ve been through will never change that, but you are hurting and that’s, ok we’re all here to help anyway we can.  But know that I really do care and I’m always here if you ever need someone to listen.  <3
    Anch0r33independent_Liam
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    hey Liam,

    I just wanted to say a huge well done to you for posting this and getting all your feelings down here. I know how hard this will have been for you, so I'm really proud of you.

    I'm so sorry you're struggling right now, be reassured that I and others here will always take you seriously and be here without judgement if you ever need someone to listen. Never be afraid to reach out here. 

    I understand why it's hard for you to tell people, it's showing a vulnerability and that's very scary, especially if you're not used to opening up to people. You said you haven't spoken to your parents, have you thought about maybe talking to one or both of them? I understand they're having a hard time themselves just now but they both love you and will want to help you to feel better.

    I think the fear of intimacy is really understandable given your past, and loads of things can trigger these memories to come back after being buried for years. It's very possible that you may need counselling at some point, either now or in the future, to work through this but it is entirely possible to not have that fear forever. 

    I don't have much other advice for you but I wanted you to know that I read this and I hear you, I really hope you have found writing this here helpful and it's got it out of your head. 

    Take care, sending massive hugs <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Anch0r33Liamerrrin
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster

    @Anch0r33

    Where do I even begin to thank you for such a thorough reply to my never ending waffle? :lol:

    I am incredibly grateful, it’s not possible for me to put into words. I will definitely try your advice. I have been dwelling on things recently. Spending the days being a couch potato and crying. I really do want to help myself now, I just didn’t know where to start but your words have helped massively. 

    By pushing away your feelings, all it's doing is jamming them inside you until you can't take it anymore and then they all come out - you'll know I'm in a similar situation - you're doing so so well. Sometimes I like to think of a volcano - the lava slowly and gradually builds up until it can't handle anymore and then it all explodes. Sometimes putting a visual to your feelings can help (I learned that in therapy hehe)

    Being able to visualise it like this has helped a lot. It makes total sense. I know that the way I’ve been ‘dealing’ with things has been unhealthy and actually pushing away all of my feelings is what has lead me to where I am right now.  


    As you age, and feel saferz it's common that uncomfortable memories will start to resurface. Now you're around the age of puberty etc it seems only natural that these memories will start to appear. The mind has a good way of protecting you from things until you're ready to know them. Sometimes though, we'll never be ready for these things. I guess that's what counsellors and similar people are for.

    This makes sense too. I wasn’t too young to understand that it was abuse however I didn’t know that it was abuse. I just thought that he didn’t like me. I was obviously offered A LOT  of support back then but I was awfully confused and I didn’t want to accept it. I’m at an age now where I’m able to understand more than I could back then. Maybe I’ll never feel ready so perhaps now is a good time to try and make sense of what happened so that I can lay it back to rest.

    Would it be worth talking to your parents (or a specific parent if it's easier) regarding how you've been feeling? I know you'll probably feel like you don't want to bother them or have them worry - but they'll know in themselves that you've not been yourself. You're their son, and they love you very much. They'll want to support you in any way that they can, and if that means being a listening ear, then they should be there to support you. They'll know themselves that this day would come, you'd have more questions and start to remember more. They'll want you to be open with them 3

    I think... yes... They would want to know, especially my mam. She is very protective and she’d be so upset to know I’m hurting. At the same time, I don’t want her to worry about me and I also don’t think that I want her to keep checking in and being her over protective self. If I talk to dad, I think he will tell mam anyway. I’d prefer to talk to dad and have it be a guy to guy conversation, maybe that’s something I could consider or perhaps write him a wee letter. 


    Thank you so much Anchor for making sense of everything. You are such an amazing friend and honestly, am so bloomin' blessed to know you.

    @independent_

    Hey Elle,
    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. You are always so kind to me even if at times i probably don't even deserve it. 

    Thank you for the reassurance, it means more than you'll ever know and more than i could ever put into words.

    <3

    @errrin

    Erin, thank you SO, SO much. You really have no idea how much of a positive impact your kind words have had on me tonight. You are so kind to have taken the time to reply, can't thank you enough.


    I don’t know if you’ll feel the way you do about sex forever but even if you do lots of people can still have wonderful and healthy relationships. I know we live in a world where it seems like we have to be one way but that’s not true at all, it’s about finding what we’re comfortable with and people who accept us for who we are.

    I hope that i don't but i hadn't actually thought about it like this. You are so right, there are so many accepting people out there. I'm still young and I have so much time, It won't stop me worrying but it's something that i'll keep in mind, fo sho.

    I’m sorry to hear about everything going on with your parents. But I’m sure they love you and would want to know how much pain you’re in

    That's okay pal, they do love me and i'm so lucky to have them. They'd also be really supportive if i was to open up to them. I guess i'm just worried about worrying them or making their issues worse, idk idk. Maybe i'm just over thinking things! 

    One thing someone always told me is the imagine one of my friends in my position and what I would say to them, I wouldn’t tell them all the negative things I’m telling myself.

    This is such a good way of thinking and i'm definitely going to try this. I think ill try to write it down, like... what i'd reply to a friend if they were going through the same situation. I think that will be helpful. Then i can read it back whenever i feel a little ( or a lot) low.


    Erin, thank you SO much. I am so grateful to know you. You are always so unbelievably lovely to everyone. You weren't patronising at all, not even a little. <3


    errrinindependent_Anch0r33
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster

    Thank you so much for the advice, I really want to start trying to make things better so I am definitely going to try what you suggest. To be honest, i didn't expect to but i do actually feel better for sharing. I think i bottled it up for too long.

    Just gonna make a wee list to make it easier

    • Write letters to people who have hurt me - rip them up, burn them or lock them away. 

    • Make a mindmap of how i'm feeling, thoughts that pop into my head or anything else I think might be relevant. 

    • Look into counselling, someone who specialises in abuse or trauma

    •  Try a childline 1-2-1 (maybe)

    • Try talking to mam or dad

    • Write down everything that’s bothering me

    • Write down what I’d reply to a friend who was in the same situation 

    Ahh, lots to try. Cheers guys, so thankful.
    independent_Anch0r33errrin
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    Of course you deserve the kindness, you’re a great person you’re just going through a lot right now and it’s making you do things that you wouldn’t normally (e.g. snapping at people) and react to things you’d normally take in your stride. That’s ok. I think we can all understand that to a degree.

    That’s a great list you’ve got there!! They’re all great suggestions and if one doesn’t work for you you’ve got loads of others to try.

    The ChildLine 1-2-1 chats were always really helpful for me when I was around the age you are now, they don’t help everyone but most people who try them have a positive experience. When you feel like this, anything positive that could make you feel even a tiny bit better is worth a try <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Posts: 1,078 Wise Owl
    Heyy Liam

    I wanted to start off by saying well done on managing to talk about what's been going on for you, it couldn't have been easy and for that, we are genuinely proud of you.

    You've been through some heavy stuff  so it's completely understandable that you've been feeling the way you do. There's only so much one can handle and it sounds like you might need some extra help and a safe place to process these difficult feelings and memories. Even  if you might not be able to make big desisions now, you're doing the right things by just talking to us. We will always be here to listen, no matter how big or small the issue is. We  will never judge you (unless you like pineapple on pizza 🤪) 

    As a fellow Ray of sunshine it is okay to not be okay (cheese level 100%). Going through something like this doesn't nesesarily mean that there's anything wrong, instead  unresolved things that have become too big to mask. What I will say is take your time and allow yourself to feel down because it is waranted and  doesn't mean the feeling will stay here forever even though its uncomfortable. 

    Most of the time, us humans are too busy thinking about ourselves especially when it comes to our own insecurities. I tell you what though, most if not all people do not care because we're to busy thinking why we've all been saying "Fage " the wrong way😶

    You're allowed to not want sex or anything to do with it, especially considering what you've been through. If sex isn't for you, it isn't for you and it's absolutely okay. And if you have a change of heart (on your terms), the option to rebrand what sex means for you will always be there. Until then amigo, plz make sure you do your homework, get plenty of nutrition and rest.

    Take care 🌞
    errrinAnch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 565 Incredible Poster
    Liam said:

    Thank you so much for the advice, I really want to start trying to make things better so I am definitely going to try what you suggest. To be honest, i didn't expect to but i do actually feel better for sharing. I think i bottled it up for too long.

    Just gonna make a wee list to make it easier

    • Write letters to people who have hurt me - rip them up, burn them or lock them away. 

    • Make a mindmap of how i'm feeling, thoughts that pop into my head or anything else I think might be relevant. 

    • Look into counselling, someone who specialises in abuse or trauma

    •  Try a childline 1-2-1 (maybe)

    • Try talking to mam or dad

    • Write down everything that’s bothering me

    • Write down what I’d reply to a friend who was in the same situation 

    Ahh, lots to try. Cheers guys, so thankful.
    This sounds like a really good plan, and listing off the ideas that you want to try might make it easier to work through them. 

    And remember, it's okay if things don't work for you. You gotta work to find what works for you. 

    You always know where I am if you ever need me or want to talk through anything ❤️
    👁️👄👁️
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    Thank you for that @Salix_alba_2019 it really means a lot.

    Was feeling much better after posting this and felt hopeful and ready to try and change but now i just feel drained and shitty again. got no motivation to even try anything to help myself.

    I've wasted yet another morning crying and just feeling rubbish about myself. Mams at work and dad in and out all day. I don't even want to talk to them right now anyways.

    I don't think my friends have even noticed that i'm not myself. I was hoping that my best friend or idk anyone would've checked in because i always check in on them and i drop everything to be there for them. It's like now i need something they're no where to be found or theyre just so caught up in their own stuff. I know it's not true but it just makes me feel like i've no real friends. just people who say they care but they really don't. Actions speak louder than words, you know?

    I dont even know whats wrong with me I'm just so low and i know that i'm not helping myself but i just don't have the energy too. 

    never felt like this before and just feeling alone with it all.

    sorry to complain again after you all gave great advice. honestly i just dont know whats up


    independent_errrinAnch0r33
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    edited November 9
    I know that sometimes when I’m feeling really low I don’t have the energy to follow the good advice either. Don’t feel bad about that. The list you made is still there, and it will still be there if in a particular moment you feel a bit better and ready to try something. Just making that list of things is a step forward, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. These things take time and sometimes on the really bad days you aren’t going to feel up to it. Do keep reaching out like this though if you can you’re doing a great job <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    errrinLiamAnch0r33
  • errrinerrrin Posts: 104 The Mix Convert
    edited November 9
    Hey Liam I’m really sorry to hear that. 

    I’m not good at checking up on my friends but I’m trying to improve. I think sometimes we get caught up in our own minds and we assume others don’t need help and we forget to check on them. It doesn’t mean they care about you any less. We’re always here if you ever need anything  <3

    Im sorry I don’t really have any useful advise but on the day’s I can’t stop crying I normally find a film that reminds me of happier times or I listen to happy music, it doesn’t fix the problem but it helps me feel less alone.  
    And on the days I can’t put my feelings into words I draw I’m not very good at drawing but doodling feels like getting the thoughts out of my mind. 

    You’re hurting Liam that’s completely understandable nobody expects you too feel better straight away.  Think of it like a broken arm, just because it’s been put in a cast it doesn’t mean it’s healed instantly, healing takes a lot of time and support. We’re all here for you and we’re so proud of you.

    its frustrating when we feel so low but we can’t help ourselves, but opening up here was a good step. On bad days I set myself really small goals accomplishing things can help boost morale even a tiny bit, small goals like keeping myself hydrated and making my bed.

    I have a journal of happy things, it’s filled of positive things people have told me and tv suggestions and film suggestions. Even names of funny YouTube videos to search up. It doesn’t take away the sadness but it does remind me that there’s hope I’ll be happy one day.

    And I know crying feels miserable especially when you can’t stop it but feelings need to be felt and let out, but it can be incredibly draining. It’s ok to cry. There’s no shame in it. 

    I don’t know where it’s from but here’s a quote I find helpful.
    “I can’t fix all your problems but I can promise you’ll never have to face them on your own”

    Sorry for waffling. Here if you ever need anything.  <3

    independent_LiamAnch0r33
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    You guys talk so much sense. Thank you.

    Think i'm just feeling so rubbish about myself and i'm hating on my self so much that i'm paranoid that others are too.

    I usually do positive things like writing down wee positive thoughts or things that i'm grateful for. I havent done that for a while now. 

    That quote is so lovely @errrin thank you <3

    Cried so much that im ready to just sleep, thought i was out of tears then cried again :lol: god, idk whats going on with me.

    I appreciate you guys being here for me and supporting me, you are such great friends. not sure what i'd do without yous.

    Convinced myself to go and have a shower, then ill probably watch a movie or two if i feel up for it.
    errrinAnch0r33
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    A shower and a lighthearted movie sounds like a nice idea. If nothing else it distracts you and gives you something else to focus on for a bit. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    errrinAnch0r33
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    Had a rough day but feeling a lot more like normal myself tonight. Super tired too so hopefully i will sleep well 
    errrinindependent_Anch0r33Dandelion
  • errrinerrrin Posts: 104 The Mix Convert
    Hey Liam glad to hear you’re feeling a little better. But remember we’re all here for you whenever you need us, you're not alone and you never have to pretend you’re ok. We really care about you. Maybe you could read or listen to music to help give your mind relax before falling asleep. I wish you a very good night sleep.  <3
    independent_Anch0r33
  • ThatFelixGuyThatFelixGuy Always Look Up. Optimism > PesimismPosts: 224 Trailblazer
    Liam my dude how is it going! I just wanna say a lot of us missed you <3 So glad to see you doing well, bud!
    "Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves." - Bruce Lee
    Liam
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    @ThatFelixGuy Thanks me matey <3

    Had a MUCH better day. I spoke to the mother last night about how scarily low i was feeling and she asked if i had been taking my meds. I said aye because i thought i had been but found out that i had accidentally been taking dads sertraline :scream:

    Spoke to the GP about it today and he was really concerned. Not allowed to take my usual meds now and have to take half of the sertraline i was taking for 3 weeks to ease myself off of it :lol: what an utter mess. Mams gotta supervise my meds now. It's been a roller coaster of emotions 0/10 would not recommend.

    Parents have been arguing tonight, they were out and i was at home. Dad called me upset saying he's walking home because he's had an argument with mam then mam called me so i had to put dad on hold and mam told me a completely different story. I never know who to believe because they both twist each others words. But aye, was being switched between parent. Dad kept getting in and out the car because they'd keep arguing. Dad eventually got back in and kept me on the phone to prove that it was actually MAM who's being the dafty. They argued some more, dad said pull over so mam did and he got out and mam hit him with the car.

    He's like crying down the phone saying hes been RUN OVER so i panic and hang up and idk whether to call the ambulance or police or what because what the heelllll, i'm thinking why the bloomin heck has she run him over for. I keep trying to call them back but neither of them are answering and then like 10 minutes later dad calls me and says its all sorted now and she DID (slightly) hit him with the car but she swears it was accident. probably was, shes an awful driver. Either way he was way more dramatic than he needed to be and he had said some pretty hurtful stuff towards mam. I've got a cracking head ache after being on the phone to those pair. I called granda and grassed on the both of um' :lol:

    Anyways, they are talking like adults now and actually talking about relationship counselling. Omg hallelujah. :lol:

    Feel like my life is more dramatic than coronation street rn. The good news is that i'm coming aff the meds i'm not supposed to be on so should be back to my normal self soon :tongue:




    errrinEleanorindependent_DandelionAnch0r33
  • errrinerrrin Posts: 104 The Mix Convert
    edited November 10
    Hey Liam that really does sound quite dramatic. Well done for opening up to your mum that was an amazingly brave thing to do.

    It’s good that you’ve worked out a possible source of your low moods and I really hope things start to get better. Remember we’re always here whenever you need us. You’ve been incredibly strong opening up to us you should be very proud.
    Never been hit by a car accidentally but mum has kicked me and my dad out of the car on a few occasions. I guess sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we do rash things. I’m glad to hear there considering counselling that sounds like a wise decision.

     it does sound like you’ve had a super stressful day maybe it would be a good idea to watch a film or play a game to help unwind. And remember always here whenever you need anything.  <3 Have a great night Liam.  =)

    (sorry if I sound rude or patronising)
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    Aww Liam, sending big hugs <3 

    Sertraline, when I took it (and I was meant to be) made me feel lower than I already did. So that could indeed be why you're feeling so terrible. If you're taking them when you have depression, they can make you feel worse before you feel better. But if you don't have it and you're taking them by accident, it's understandable that that side effect will be really scary. I'm glad you've figured that out and you're getting it sorted.

    The arguments with your parents sound really awful for you especially when you're in the middle of it all. Hopefully they do go ahead with the counselling and things start to get better for all of you very soon!! 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    errrin
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 565 Incredible Poster
    Sending my hugs <3
    👁️👄👁️
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    edited November 15
    Been feeling super poorly since taking less of the meds. Not sure whether thats just because i've got a stomach bug though but blergh.

    My mood has been way better these past few days. I've had a few wobbles but didn't feel out of control like I did when i first posted this thread lol.

    Tried to think more positive again today, writing down what i'm grateful for etc and even read a wee bit of the book i'm supposed to read for english but have been avoiding :lol: i'm actually really enjoying it, i should read more often.

    I'm really hoping that i feel better by tomorrow, i'd like to go for a run or do some exercise. Football started back up on Friday but i missed it due to being unwell. I'm really looking forward to taking part in football again next week. Have been feeling super rubbish without it and tbf, my fitness has gone out of the window since covid :lol:

    Feeling hopeful and in more control again anyways. GP is pretty certain that my low mood was due to the side affects of taking the wrong meds :lol: He's checking in with me a lot, esp as i've been unwell.

    Anch0r33
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    Sending big hugs <3 it must be awful feeling so ill. Hopefully that starts to get better soon and you can get back to your football!!

    I’m soooooo glad you’re feeling more positive now <3 and more able to deal with things. Ooh what book is it you’re reading?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    edited November 15
    @independent_ Aw thanks pal, i'm feeling a bit better tonight but it's been a rough few days :lol: I can't wait to get back into football, i've missed it so much.

    Reading Turtles all the way down by John Green. I have to point, evidence and explain the whole book which kinda ruins it but eh :lol: You've always gotta think everything has a deeper meaning in English, it feels daft to me lol
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    @Liam I’m glad you’re feeling better tonight I hope you carry on feeling better and things really start to improve for you soon. You’ve been through a lot of tough times recently and you’ve been very strong getting through them all <3 

    Yes English could get like that sometimes, I’ve got a higher in English and it completely took the joy out of the books trying to analyse them. If you can enjoy the book first before you start analysing it then that’s great :) 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Liam
  • Emoji246Emoji246 Posts: 456 Listening Ear
    Hi, Liam  it really does sound like you are struggling from what I have seen, 
    I just want you to know that you are not alone we are here for you. Well done for writing about how you feel.
    I hope you feel better soon I believe in you your stronger then you think   
    Don't let anyone tell you any different
    Please don't give up 
    Sending hugs <3


    Liam
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    @independent_ Thank you so much for everything <3

    @Emoji246 Thanks pal, i really appreciate your kind words just there. Big love <3 
    independent_Emoji246
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 565 Incredible Poster
    English is very much a deeper meaning subject. I've found since studying it at uni that I literally analyse every. Single. Thing. It does get annoying but it's something I'm good at and enjoy. 

    I'm glad to hear you're starting to feel better mentally and physically has started to get there too. 

    My biggest tip for studying English is to read the book - then after you've read it go through the chapters individually and make a mini summary of it. Also reading lots of online summaries and character lists can help you understand the book from a different angle that you might not have considered before. 

    If you need any help with the English stuff you know where I am, but I'm sure you've got it! 

    Keep going mate, you're doing great <3
    👁️👄👁️
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,659 Extreme Poster
    Had a really positive few days and have been feeling like my usual self, woohoo.

    Idk why but tonight I spent at least 30 minutes (probably longer) laughing with friends and then suddenly i just started feeling dead rubbish and that lasted for about 10 minutes and then i was okay again :confused:

    I've been going for runs which feels good. I used to be super fit but then lock down happened and crisps and cake and stuff, ya know. :lol:

    I had a full day at school yesterday, i usually only go for half a day or don't turn up at all so that's positive, i've got football on Friday too so i've got that to look forward to as well.

    Idk, still up and down at the moment but definitely a lot better than i was. GP keeps checking in which feels comforting. Still not interested in counselling after having a bad experience with my last counsellor. Once bitten, twice shy kinda thing
    independent_Anch0r33errrin
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,355 Part of The Furniture
    I’m sooo glad to hear you’ve been feeling more positive. After such a low it’s understandable that you’ll still go up and down a bit but you will get there, and you’re getting there already!! 

    It’s good that your GP is checking in with you regularly, tbh I think I’d feel similarly about counselling if I’d had a bad experience. Now may just not be the right time to try it again and one day in the future you might feel like you are ready to. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    LiamAnch0r33
  • errrinerrrin Posts: 104 The Mix Convert
    Hey Liam I just wanted to say you’re doing absolutely amazing. Opening up here like you have been is incredibly strong of you and you should be proud. Counselling isn’t for everyone and after a bad experience it’s understandable why you wouldn’t want to do it. 

    It’s good that you’ve been going for runs, fresh air really does help an awful lot. Lockdown definitely made me a bit of a couch potato so you’re not alone.

    Im glad that you had a good time with your friends even if you did feel a little sad later. It’s confusing when our moods go up and down. But I’m glad you’re feeling better now. 

    Well done with going to school I hope it went well. And good luck with football, it’s really good to have things to look forward to.

    You’re incredible Liam, you continue to open up to us even though it’s really hard, and even when you’re feeling low you always offer support to others. (Sorry if any of this came across annoying or patronising)

    Take care Liam, hope you have a good day.
    Anch0r33Liam
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