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Helpless

Death sounds so peaceful.
I am disgusting, unheard, contaminated, unwanted. Thats if i am anything.
I dont have plans and i am safe right. But i feel like its 95% chance that i will kill myself in 2020. No one knows all of my problems. The more i try to fix it the worse its getting. I want a life buts it not possible and im fed up of being stuck in bed. No one would ever understand cause ill never tel anyone. There isnt even any help to cry for anymore. Nothint and no one can help this and id rather not be alive
~Probably dead now
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Comments
I'm sorry to hear everything feels so tough right now and that you feel things get worse when you try to fix them. I agree with @Past User that you are very much welcome on The Mix Boards. Does it help to have somewhere online to vent?
Being stuck is bed is no fun but you can still keep talking and lots of people who would like to offer their help. Our Crisis Messenger service is contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 and talk to them about anything, any time.
Take care of yourself.
Chris M
and after every season she asks me if i can make it next week cause she would be very sad if i killed myself and can only help if im alive. Shes really nice and seems to really want to help. So i think shes one who doesnt think im disgusting