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Helpless

SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Death sounds so peaceful. 

I am disgusting, unheard, contaminated, unwanted. Thats if i am anything. 

I dont have plans and i am safe right. But i feel like its 95% chance that i will kill myself in 2020. No one knows all of my problems. The more i try to fix it the worse its getting. I want a life buts it not possible and im fed up of being stuck in bed. No one would ever understand cause ill never tel anyone. There isnt even any help to cry for anymore. Nothint and no one can help this and id rather not be alive 
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    96
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Aww Shaunie, that must be so miserable for you. It sounds like life feels very hard right now.

    I can assure you that you're very much wanted. I really value and adore you and so do/would so many others. I wouldn't be able to live with it if a special, lovely and loved person like you died and lost a chance of so many opportunities waiting for her <3

    Do you want to talk about your problems? Is the thing about being stuck in bed and no one knowing all your problems about the thing you don't want to say? There's never pressure but I promise you won't get a bad reaction from me, no matter what is it, and we want to listen and help.

    I know it might not help to hear, but you can have a life. Don't give up, keep holding on <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Kathleen07 said:
    about the thing you don't want to say? There's never pressure but I promise you won't get a bad reaction from me, no matter what is it, and we want to listen and help.
    Yeah :(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Shaunie said:
    Kathleen07 said:
    about the thing you don't want to say? There's never pressure but I promise you won't get a bad reaction from me, no matter what is it, and we want to listen and help.
    Yeah :(
    <3 I remember you saying it might be improvable if you saw a doctor about it but that you're too hesitant, is that right? <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I want to be left alone to die
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    ChrisMChrisM Moderator, Staff Posts: 43 Boards Initiate
    Hi Shaunie,

    I'm sorry to hear everything feels so tough right now and that you feel things get worse when you try to fix them.  I agree with @Kathleen07 that you are very much welcome on The Mix Boards. Does it help to have somewhere online to vent?

    Being stuck is bed is no fun but you can still keep talking and lots of people who would like to offer their help. Our Crisis Messenger  service is contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 and talk to them about anything, any time. 

    Take care of yourself.
    Chris M
     
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Whats the point
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Sorry thank you. 

    I have counselling tomorrow/ today. Thankfully
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Had counselling today. Very hard. We spoke about my dreams. A lot of my dreams are about toilets or not being on the ground. / floating. So talked to me a lot about grounding

    and after every season she asks me if i can make it next week cause she would be very sad if i killed myself and can only help if im alive. Shes really nice and seems to really want to help. So i think shes one who doesnt think im disgusting
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    RileyRiley Moderator Posts: 991 Part of The Mix Family
    It's good to hear that your counsellor is so nice @Shaunie , she seems like a really wonderful person. How do you feel counselling has gone for you so far? You mentioned that your last session was very hard for you but hopefully you've found it somewhat helpful too. <3
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Nobody here things you are disgusting shaunie 💜
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you green tea & riley
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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