You may be asked to reset your password when you try to login. This is part of a system update and is genuine, so it's safe to go ahead and do that. If you no longer have access to the email address you used to register, please email us at [email protected] rather than creating a new account. Apologies for the inconvenience.

Worried I could be made homeless

AidanAidan PotatoPosts: 1,275 Fanatical Poster
Hey,

After a fall out with my mum over work (I want to pursue my own career after overcoming some health issues but I'm tied down to the family 'business' and looking after their house and pets in the daytime) she's become unreasonably angry all the time and difficult to communicate with. She's demanding rent payments which she's never done before, she'd prefer a tenant to a son.

I don't earn enough with the family business to afford rent so I feel like she's intentionally put me in a position where I'll just eventually run out of money and become homeless. 

I had no issue with the family business so long as I was given plenty of notice for a job, and was free to accept or turn down work to suit me. Neither of these conditions are regularly met, and I rarely turn down work (this time it was so I have time to move my things to our new home before I go on holiday) so when I turned down this job I was surprised when she called me lazy and said she was helping me by getting me these jobs and started demanding rent.

Considering moving in with my girlfriend's family, but I don't want to be a burden to them. It'd also be 300 miles away from home, and I don't want to be away if anything happens to my grandparents. My nan offered a place to stay, she's more worried about me than I am, but she's very old and looking after my grandad with alzheimer's and I just cannot be a burden to her either. 

I do like the idea of a fresh start somewhere new though. My girlfriend's mum is much more reasonable than mine and I'd be more than happy to make fair contributions to her and their home if they took me in and I found work.

I'm worried wherever I go that I won't be allowed pets, and I have a dog and a bird. They're family and are the strongest bonds I have to anyone, I don't want to give them up but at the same time don't want them to go through the suffering I'm going to go through in the coming weeks if mum doesn't calm down. If I die on the streets alone cold and hungry I at least want them to be happy and loved by someone.

I'm at my wit's end and completely unprepared, I don't know what to do. Think my best bet is trying to find a life at my girlfriend's place and leave everything I know behind but being so far away from family and not knowing anybody there, it's a gamble I can't afford to lose.

Comments

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 646 Extreme Poster
    Hi Aidan, 

    Sounds like a tough situation to be in. You mentioned you would like to move on but feel tied down to the family business - why do you feel that way? Are you able to leave the business if you did move away?

    If you are not able to afford rent, you may be eligible for Housing Benefit if you wanted to move out without going to your GF/Nan's house. Citizen's advice might be able to help you too https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

    I volunteer helping homeless people living on the streets and in all honestly being on the streets would be an absolute worst case scenario because the government have a lot of options in place for people that find themselves with nowhere to go. There is plenty of help out there so you never have to get in that situation. <3

    There are many rental houses/flats that allow dogs and birds, you will just have to be clear about them upfront. Would your GF/Nan allow you to bring your pets? 

    What do you think you would prefer to do - live alone, at your GFs or at your Nans? It sounds like you have options either way and can make an informed decision, hopefully we can help you here too. 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
    Aidan
  • AidanAidan Potato Posts: 1,275 Fanatical Poster
    Hey Lucy, thanks for the reply and what you've had to say, it's helped me to reflect on my situation from another perspective.

    I know there's help available to stop people being on the streets, but around here at least it's impossible to get help as a male because we aren't 'priority', and the council makes it look as if you're homeless through completely your own doing so that they're not obliged to help you at all.

    You mentioned you would like to move on but feel tied down to the family business - why do you feel that way?


    My parents paid for the training me and my dad took at the start of the business. The business has had limited success and we haven't made that money back yet- I feel that if I left I'd have to find that money for my parents because otherwise I've cost them money. To add salt to the wound, only my dad needed to have the training anyway so half that money was wasted.


    There are many rental houses/flats that allow dogs and birds, you will just have to be clear about them upfront. Would your GF/Nan allow you to bring your pets? 


    In my area I've found virtually all rentals are 'no pets', even those with gardens. 


    I think I'd be allowed the bird at my GF's but the dog is another question, as it would depend on if she got along with their own dog too. 


    As with my nan, she's looked after birds before. Maybe the dog would be an issue though as she's quite energetic and possibly overwhelming for old folk, and any shed fur would create more housework for them. The bird would get seed everywhere too, and the down (fluff, basically) that gets in the air would be bad for my granddad's COPD.


    What do you think you would prefer to do - live alone, at your GFs or at your Nans?


    I think living alone would drive me nuts for a start! Besides that, not being able to share the cost of rent would make it impossible, and I don't want to live with strangers either.


    My nan's is only around the corner from my parents house so it might be quite awkward for if they've kicked my out. I also don't my pets to be a burden to them, I wouldn't be a burden though as I would help with housework and actually lessen the load for them. It isn't a bad idea, but not one to rely on as sadly you never know when you might not have grandparents anymore.


    I think my GF's would be the best option, it's a busy house with 5 people living there and I'd be the 6th, but that reduces the amount of housework or money I'd have to share. I wouldn't take up more space as I'd stay in my GF's room anyway. There's also always someone in the house at any time which would make it better for pets- if the pets would be okay anyway.

    Lucy307
  • AidanAidan Potato Posts: 1,275 Fanatical Poster

    UPDATE:


    Thankfully my dad and nan have taken my corner and my mum has calmed down and gone off the idea of kicking me out or making me pay rent. I'm also very happy to keep contributing to the family business, so long as it's on fair terms- as I can do it in the time I'm overcoming my health issues which needs to happen before I pursue a more full-time vocation anyway.


    She said she was just frustrated I 'have no ambition' and 'sit around on [my] arse'- to which I explained I do have ambition but feel trapped at home doing their housework and watching their pets because of their constant daytime absence, and am unable to do anything career-wise yet while I'm still unfit for full-time work.


    One of our pets needs constant attention as she's nearing the end of her life, nearly blind and incontinent. Each day there is washing and cleaning to be done that was left from the previous day before as my parents aren't coping with it. We live in an area with an above-average rate of crime and having someone permanently in the house deters burglary.


    Of course my mum is having non of these 'excuses' but at least she's calmed down for now, hopefully she'll look at actually taking her medication for the menopause soon as she has a shorter fuse than usual and explosive outbursts.


    Thank you for replying and I'm really glad the situation is looking better now :)

    Lucy307
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 336 Moderator
    It's great to hear that things are looking better @Aidan. Like @Lucy307 said above, there are lots of options for you if something does end up happening. 

    I was homeless the entire year I sat my A-Levels so please feel free to pick my brains if you ever need more advice <3
    Aidan
  • JordanJordan Posts: 84 Super Moderator
    Glad to head things are looking better regarding this @Aidan
    Aidan
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 646 Extreme Poster
    Really, really glad to hear things have improved @Aidan

    I hope things improve with your mum too - it sounds like you do a lot for her/the house that hopefully she'll remember to appreciate <3
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
    Aidan
  • MikeMike Posts: 1,815 Staff Moderator
    edited August 8
    Echoing what others have said, I'm glad things came to a workable resolution @Aidan.

    Pretty much everything has been said already, but I want to add: it's okay to let people look after you.

    There's a lot of pressure on people (particularly men) not to burden others, but there's no shame in letting someone do you a solid when things are tough and you really need it, particularly in a situation like this, and particularly if they offer.

    You're clearly thinking about the right things and being respectful of the people around you, and that's the main thing. You're a considerate person, but we all need looking after sometimes. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    Aidanchubbydumpling
  • AidanAidan Potato Posts: 1,275 Fanatical Poster
    edited August 8
    Hey everyone and thank you for your responses and thoughts.

    Thanks @chubbydumpling sorry you were homeless through your A-levels, I hopefully won't have to take you up on your offer but it means a lot regardless :)

    @Lucy307 she has fits of rage where she isn't herself, but when she is herself she's a decent person and seems like any other human being. Sometimes she does show a bit of gratitude. She's never been violent and I'm safe, she's just emotionally volatile.

    Cheers @Mike  I feel bad when I can't do things for myself, I felt less guilty about not being able to live completely independently today when I saw a newspaper headline about record numbers of young adults living with their parents. The pound doesn't go as far as it has done before, and the increase of people higher than the increase in new properties has driven house prices and rent up- both of which are beyond my control and I can feel better.

    I'm thinking things will be okay at home for at least a while, my mum will have calmed down when we have moved house (hopefully soon) as that mountain of a DIY project has been holding us back for a year now.

    I've made a bit of a plan in case things don't improve. My hopes are to continue with the family business in the meanwhile, get more fit, find a more permanent career and eventually move out to a place of my own on my own terms; so hopefully it won't come to those plans.

    If things were to start looking bad again I've already prepared a list of essentials I could take in my backpack to wherever I'd head next. My nan's would be a place I'd stop temporarily to sort things out, sell the belongings I can't take with me, and potentially find new and caring owners for the pets. I'd head to my GF's and find work there and save.

    Again thanks everyone for the advice :heart: I know now where to turn if I end up without a roof over my head.


    chubbydumplingLucy307
  • JordanJordan Posts: 84 Super Moderator
    There should definitely be no guilt in not living completely independently. It's a completely normal thing to live with your parents long after you turn 18.

    Good to see you are being prepared and forward-thinking @Aidan with the list.


Sign In or Register to comment.