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Rape counselling/emotional support
Siena
Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
I am at the top of list for rape counselling for rape or emotional support. Counselling is 15 sessions and emotional support can be longer & for when ever. So i think it was agreed that im having emotional support.
They clearly forgot about me. But it doesnt matter cause ive been at college/training anyway. And they said they had soemoen off sick & apologised a lot. Feel have been waiting forever tho tbh. But doesnt matter am grateful. They said would contact me very soon
anyways. Im scared speaking about it will turn me back into really bad crisis& tryig to die. Trying to report it made me unwell & thats talking about so idk. Maybe that was different
also im scared that i would get very attached to the support & the person and thinking that there has no time limit to it - i would never want it to end either way cause may get attached to person so idk.:(
They clearly forgot about me. But it doesnt matter cause ive been at college/training anyway. And they said they had soemoen off sick & apologised a lot. Feel have been waiting forever tho tbh. But doesnt matter am grateful. They said would contact me very soon
anyways. Im scared speaking about it will turn me back into really bad crisis& tryig to die. Trying to report it made me unwell & thats talking about so idk. Maybe that was different
also im scared that i would get very attached to the support & the person and thinking that there has no time limit to it - i would never want it to end either way cause may get attached to person so idk.:(
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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i think i just dont want to get attached since it would be the longest would have support from someone in that way. And i end up wanting to be everyones friend but yeah dont ask cause wouldnt be allowed. But yeah i seem to get attached , expect from the therapist that gave me therapy for anorexia. He was not helpful & some others. but it seems not worth it since i get overly sad at the end. Dont know how to just not
they said they would contact me this week cause im at the very top of the list. But doubt they will. They have lots of sick people off
I'm happy to hear you are finally at the top of the list and really relate to why you are feeling triggered and worried about whether counselling will make it worse. I remember you had a bad experience when you reported it which will be triggering.
I've been through rape counselling and can honestly say although a few sessions were uncomfortable I wouldn't be the person I am now and wouldn't have been able to live a 'normal'ish life without it - sometimes we have to face into things to move forward. And progress isn't linear.
Let us know if you hear from them?
As Lucy said, it's positive that you're at the top of their list. I'm wishing you the best with it.
I'm sorry to hear of your fears about it, we're here to support you Do you think it may be a good idea to tell them about your concern of it sending you into crisis? I also wondered if you could make a plan on what to do if that did happen?
Do you know of any particular reason that makes you get attached to someone (e.g feeling lonely and uncared about)?
Sending love and hugs
How are you feeling today?
I'm really glad to hear you're at the top of the list to get some support. I know you've been waiting a while to hear back from them and this is really positive hear. You mentioned they're going to contact you again very soon, have you heard back from them?
I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said and say that it's understandable to hear your concerns about speaking about what happened. It's incredibly difficult to talk about what happened and go through the trauma again. You're really brave for wanting to give this a go Shaunie. How are you feeling now compared to how you were when you were trying to report this?
Kathleen suggested a nice idea about talking to them about your concerns about going into crisis again. Do you think this is something you'd feel comfortable talking to them about?
Keep us updated with how everything goes
I do apperciate support Dk how i feel. I thinkim just a bit stressed &discombobulated (lol) to reply properly right. I think its too much stress with everythin and my thoughts too much cant think.
But just saying thanks!:)xxxx
But i cant breath properly and keep getting dull pains in my back and lower stomach which i cant tell if to do with not being able to breath properly or not.
This morning ive made an appointment to see my GP at 3
TRIGGER WARNING (little detail about abuse)
Plus. Know if only go in there saying hard to breath. Theyre just going to say stress without finding more reason cause yeah dont know how my brain can make me not breath.
But anyway. Even if nothing is wrong i just want to go on the pill anyways
But starting on the pill to hopefully get periods backs. But i said had unprotected sex but sure im not pregnant and she said she needs to check to be sure. Which yeah is awful cause i didnt need a wee. So now im just lke in waiting room for her to get back with just like wee in a pot that i don’t know if even enough lol.
And ofc they just blame everything on eating disorder
How was the rest of your appointment - is there anything else you still wanted to say but didn’t feel you could?
Understandable that going to the GP can be triggering if they are pressing down on you like that. Just wanted to say it’s really brave that you still went and are still trying to take care
- Lucy
I wanted to say how I think the abuse has messed up my body but yeah I just couldn't so then I just thought I would explain my symptoms instead but she just said about going on The pill to regulate my periods. I thought if someone has irregular periods they do blood tests to check if you have something wrong. But yeah clearly not. Just give you the pill. But yeah I didn't know the pill is free so that's something lol and every symptom I did say she just said about my eating disorder. But I do feel like the abuse must of done something to me, cause can not even describe and how hard he would push down and the pain.
I want rape crisis to contact me now I've finished all my assignment and maybe can deal with that stress
& thank you @Lucy307
Need help
But i feel a bit fucked up since this appointment. I just avoid public toilets so did give me anxiety when had to do wee test to make sure not pregrant. And felt like i was being watched. So i keep thinking about why i felt like that and now i keep picturing that there was a camera on the lock. And i cant actually go back to double check because they lock their toilets and need to ask for key. Which dont wanna do. And then i am just thinking would it matter. - there was obviously a camera and i wouldnt be able to see it either way. So now i am pretty sure they have cameras in every single public toilet but even if tried to look i wouldnt be able to find it because can hide cameras so well these days. And i know you would say it would be illegal. But yeah we do not actually know what goes on with the world. Cause im sure the earth could be flat and that we get lied too.
and now i am wondering the chance of someone at one point coming into the house and putting a camera in our bathroom and i feel ive look in every part of the walls and all products and cant see anything and so idk if either im being stupid and ive clearly missed a very well hidden camera so my minds gone weird. And also who knows bathroom could be built with cameras
anyway im really scared of using toilets now and kinda need help cause i feel ill and something else wanted to say but think too embarrassing so wont
and i emailed rape crisis last night asking how soon did they mean by "soon"
But omg this is awful
In actual life he did take picture and would threaten to sharing it but dont think video/so now i am thinking what if he videod the whole thing to make money on sites
so i went on porn hub and typed in things like "being forced to wee on him" and all those sort of things. Thought could just scroll past but came up with competions or something which think means more than one video in it. So then had like watch all the to see. And it was girls being force to wee on them. And they kept saying they didnt want to. I mean idk if thats suppose to happen or she didnt actually want to.
Then i was actually physically sick 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
And i feel so sick right now😭😭😭what if these are all people who have been actually forced into that.
Then it came up on my phone "someone may be tracking your iphone" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. So does that mean they are recording my phone screen too
I'm so proud of you for trying to speak out that's amazing, and it must be stressful waiting for support that you seem like you really want. I can empathise with you in terms of the attachments, its something that I struggle with when it comes to people who are supporting me, I really do hope that they get in contact with you soon, and I fully believe that you can get through it.
Always here x
I keep writing things just to delete it again. So dont have anything to say now cause i think of everything at once and then i don’t know where to start so i start some where then thats like way too long in writing and havent even touched the sides of what i wanted to say and no one would want toread and even this is getting too long cause dont think am important enough that people will actually read more than a few sentences. So now i am still carrying on maybe because i feel so not important that i dont want anyone to use their time reading and now no one will prbably. And lol how have i wrote a whole paragraph that literally says nothing ahaha
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I just keep thinking i don’t know what happens after death, it may even be better but feel cant stay in disgusting body😭😭😭. Think i deserved it (i am safe atm with actual no specfic plans - so probably cause im actual coward & just attention seeker)
um im not sure what i think about meds for your mental health tbh. & know thats maybe cause never probably let them work idk, maybe.
& rape crisis have been taking so long (.
Im so tired but kinda feel have gone past the point where i naturally sleep . I dont want to be suffocated anyway & sleep isnt even escape anymore
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I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you and you are feeling this way - we are all here to support you and I really hope that being able to chat to us helps you a little bit.
Please don't ever think anything was your fault - you have done nothing wrong!
I was just wondering if you have spoken to anyone else about this?
The Samaritans helpline could be really useful - they're open 24 hours a day and free to call so they could be really helpful for you when you're struggling to sleep and need someone to talk to. You can call them on 116 123 or visit their website for other options https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
There are some other useful helplines listed here if you feel that Rape Crisis aren't being helpful: https://www.itv.com/thismorning/rape-helplines
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/#.XP4ajC2ZNo4
Remember that we are all here for you and this is a safe space where you can tell us anything!
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