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just thoughts (possible tw)

kathleen0172kathleen0172 UKPosts: 692 Incredible Poster
I feel...

  • disgusting and ugly
  • unlovable
  • like nobody understands
  • sad
  • tearful
  • worried about the future
  • that nothing's right/good enough, exasperated, and just want to give up
  • anxious, fearing something bad is happening to my guinea pig, can't shake off the fear
  • (I am...):
  • having obsessive thoughts about making the most of my guinea pig's life and stuff
  • paranoid and on edge, the small things are making me anxious and scared about my guinea pig
  • struggling with compulsions (I can't even type this without constantly feeling the need to erase/type again and touch all over the keyboard)

Now how the hell would I show that to my doctor? Lol. I feel so lost, keep overthinking, don't even know where I'm supposed to go from here and if I should live or die.

(also sorry for all my posting, I feel bad and like a spamming brat, just have so much to say and so much suffering in my head. I'm not begging for answers or anything so it's okay to ignore xo)



  • Millie2787Millie2787 WorcestershirePosts: 1,067 Fanatical Poster
    Just wanted to let you know I’m here for you - keep writing  things to us here if it helps and it might be easier to show your doctor is your scared 

    I’m currently heading to sleep so It was only a short message I’ll write a longer one in the morning ❤️
    You have a purpose.
  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 22 Moderator
    Hey Kathleen,

    Just wanted to pop on to see how your doing today? Just want to echo what Millie has said, we are here for you :heart:

    You don't need to say sorry for posting, that is what we are here for. 

    Have you ever heard of Doc Ready? it's quite a good little tool when it comes to talking to your GP about mental health,

    Sorry to hear how much your struggling, and how your feeling. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, so we think you should be proud of yourself for posting. :heart:

    We are here for you 

  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 UKPosts: 692 Incredible Poster
    Thank you @Millie2787 @Stephanie <3 and I'm just doing the same today Stephanie. Always am. I hope one day I can update you guys to say everything's awesome lol, but that's definitely not happening yet :frown:

    I'd share how I'm feeling but I've done that enough for sure. Plus I listed the feelings in my first post, what more is there to say? I'm just really really struggling :cry: I wish someone could help me, but only I can help me, but I've no idea where to go... I just... Oh idek:((

  • Millie2787Millie2787 WorcestershirePosts: 1,067 Fanatical Poster
    I know but your doing amazing to be able to talk about these feelings! Some people find that they can’t even get the feelings out.

    Talking about it here is baby steps to be able to go to the GP. That’s also a very good link that stephaine gave you about doc ready I used that and another one to do with CAMHS that I’ll have to dig out later on.

    your doing amazing Kathleen ❤️
    You have a purpose.
  • PianoGal0301PianoGal0301 Posts: 35 Cool Newbie
    Doing ever apologise for posting on here - we are always here for you like @Millie2787 ; and @Stephanie said ❤ 
    I agree Doc Ready is good, sending you big hugs xxx

  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 UKPosts: 692 Incredible Poster
    The support means a lot to me guys xoxo idk how you put up with me though.

    @Millie2787 wouldn't say I'm doing amazing, dk what makes you say that :/ But thanks.

    @PianoGal0301 thanks *hugs*

  • Millie2787Millie2787 WorcestershirePosts: 1,067 Fanatical Poster
    You are - to be able to talk about these feelings really is good ! Baby steps lead to one big step buddy ❤️
    You have a purpose.
  • NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 44 Cool Newbie
    edited February 12
    I’ve been thinking about you today Kathleen wondering how you are doing?
    Firstly going to see the doctor is a really difficult thing to do, to ask for help with a problem is courageous when your feeling so low. Please give yourself credit for this and be proud of yourself. 
    I will say that you are none of those things you say about yourself but I know it’s not helpful  what I can say helpful s the only way and key to anything is going through, by that I mean talking, being as open as your comfortable with, there is no way around it all or over it. 
    Be liked to yourself,  you are a lovely, compassionate and kind hearted person

    atrength for you 


  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 UKPosts: 692 Incredible Poster
    I appreciate it @NatalieMT 💖

    I'm doing the same (still... as always... aahh). When the suffering's so bad, it kind of just consumes you and won't go away I guess. I hate how my consciousness and thinking is within my mind, and the suffering's happening in my mind, and yet, I can't just think differently and control it (if that makes sense).

    Yeah, going to the doctor is difficult, alright. I don't even know how to talk to them. I'll feel so uncomfortable and embarassed. Plus, long story short, I'm in quite a particular and difficult situation that means it's even harder to seek help. I guess I have to so I'm planning on it, but... Oh idk, I just don't know what the right thing to do is anymore.

    Aw thanks, I just hate myself a lot :frown:

  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 22 Moderator
    Hey Kathleen,

    Just wanted to check in with you to see how your doing, it's been a few days since you last posted on this thread :heart:

    We are always here for you, 

    A little tip with going to the doctors, how would you feel about writing things down if your finding it difficult to talk about those things? Sometimes it may help to break things down. 

    Hope your doing okay, 

  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 UKPosts: 692 Incredible Poster
    Kind of you to pop in @Stephanie, thanks 💕

    I'm still doing bad. But I always am, to the point this could be considered "fine" 'cause it's just normal for me :/

    Yeah, quite a few peeps on here have suggested writing things down, and I'm glad - it's a helpful tip. When I do go to the doctors I may try that, but it's still... Uncomfortable. I'm too scared to go the doctors'. I'm starting to wonder if I ever even will... I dunno. We can drop that topic.

    I hope you're keeping well :-)

  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 22 Moderator
    Sorry to hear how your feeling :heart:

    We care about you, so if your not ready to talk to the doctor you could always chat here, do you know about the chat service The Mix have too?

    The community are really lovely, and there is also a general chat if you need distraction, and some light hearted chit chat, :heart:

  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 UKPosts: 692 Incredible Poster
    @Stephanie thank you x I'm considering trying the general chat one day just for some company and distraction, I don't think I'll want to use support chat anytime soon though.

    Yeah, the community here are awesome. I never thought I'd feel so able to be open on this site, but now it feels like home lol.

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