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My Future

kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
(quick note; despite reading the abouts on all the forums I still couldn't decide where this should go lol, if needs moving that's fine)

Hey guys. So I'm 14 for input, and I guess I'm overall questioning who I am right now - like, what's my purpose, what do I want in life, and just generally what's my identity, if you get that. I feel it's a positive thing, though I do have confusions and worries. I don't really have anyone to talk with about this, so I just want to ask for advice/encouragement/views on the matter, as I want to start thinking about and working towards the future, and it'd help a lot :)


So, I think something I really want to work out is a career. I have a few in mind, but I think musician (specifically, I want to be a singer) is the thing I lean towards the most:

Why?

1) I've always loved singing. When I was a little kid I'd go outside and I'd just sing random made up stuff for probably hours. I just have a passion for singing and it means something to me.
2) I love and connect to music, and I have some musical talent.
3) Music and singing helps with stress for me. Also, I feel becoming a singer would help with my confidence.
4) Performing would be amazing and just looking at concert lights excites me and makes me feel like I have a lot to live for.
5) I generally feel it's the right path to take, and I feel it would be a missed opportunity if I didn't - kind of like other careers are just replacements/sides and I don't really belong.
But my concerns:
1) This sensitive throat thing: For some months, something's been odd with my throat. It feels strained easily, and maybe like tight/unclear, idk. And I honestly dk what's wrong with it, but it means I can't sing much, and also couldn't get a good voice... I suppose I should go to a doctor about this (even though it's kind of minor), and I assume it's nothing permanant of course?...
2) This sounds totally pathetic, but... I feel like no one's ever gonna like me (not related to being a musician, I mean in general). So, would I be able to find bandmates who valued me (cause I'd most likely be in a rock band haha)?
3) Touring would definitely be an amazing experience, but would it get too stressful, and would I have the time to do other things I'd wanna do? Also, could I handle the possible fame?

The other things I consider are doctor or vet. What I'd love (and want to do regardless of what career I had) is getting to help others. But it's a lot of training, and I just don't have the same passion as I do for musician... Well, first of all, what do you think about this and my pros/cons list? Thanks a lot <3



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Comments

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    Hey, thought I'd offer some thoughts here but you're quite welcome to take them or leave them as you see fit. :)

    I think it's really cool that you want to be a singer and it sounds like something you're really passionate about. I think it's definitely worth booking a routine doctor's appointment to talk about the throat problem, especially if it's being quite persistent and affecting your singing. Hopefully that won't turn out to be anything major though! I guess the only thing I would say from my own experience is that it's good to have some different options in your mind. Like a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C sort of thing.... for if things don't go to plan or don't quite work out the way you want.

    So singing could definitely be your Plan A. I think that it's probably quite a competitive area and a lot might depend on luck and who you know, so building up contacts is usually a really good idea. If you have any friends you think might want to be in a band with you you could get together and start rehearsing and see what comes of it. After that you could try to get some small local gigs and work your way up from there. I think (not sure as it's not really my area!) that the general aim is to attract an agent who sees you and thinks you have potential and then helps to promote you in the industry. Youtube might also be a good way of getting your music out there to a wide audience and sometimes people who are big on Youtube do then go onto become someone famous (see James Arthur for example). I guess the other possible route is talent shows, but I think that's even more a case of luck and might be quite demoralising if you didn't succeed.

    So then in terms of Plan B and Plan C you could still have doctor or vet as those. You'd need to work quite hard at school and (if possible) take all three separate Sciences at GCSE along with as higher level Maths as your school offers. When it comes to A Level you'll need to be thinking Sciences and Maths as well. For the vet route it might also really help to get some work experience with animals, maybe at an animal shelter or at a local vets. Animal shelters especially are usually keen to have volunteers to help them with things like walking the dogs etc. But obviously this could be further down the line and I'm thinking really far ahead here just to give you an idea of what those routes might involve for you.

    Hope that's some help, obviously I'm no expert on any of this, but just wanted to share some ideas.

    Best of luck whatever route you go down. :)
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    edited January 11
    Thanks @Ariana! As I'm not really sure where to go with my life, talking about this and hearing different perspectives is helpful.

    Music/singing is definitely something I'm passionate about. And as one of my pros listed lol, it feels like it's the true path I want to take. Doctor or vet definitely have appeal, but not in the same way. It's a bit like, I'm confused and doubtful, but if I were to just toss a coin to make my decision, I'd likely feel disappointed and like it wasn't the right choice if it landed on doctor/vet.

    So if musician is the path I want to go down, then the question becomes where do I go from here? I guess the first step is seeing someone about this throat thing going on.

    Sorry I'm rambling haha, it's helping me think and consider a bit though!

    About school, I'm home-educated :) My mom's suggesting I do GCSEs as that would open my options further, which I'm thinking about.

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    Ah, I hadn't realised you were home schooled. But I think if anything that makes things more flexible for you to pursue what you really want in life. Are you from outside the UK? I only wondered because of your spelling of mom, but whatever school qualifications there are where you live are probably equivalent to GCSEs. If you're in the UK then I think GCSEs are pretty much a requirement for most career paths (at least English and Maths anyway).

    As for the singing, do you have lessons? Do you have a particular style you like to sing? Do you write your own songs? I guess a good start might be working out the kind of singer you want to be and then going from there. Like I say, you could try to find some people to be in a band with you or start putting some stuff on Youtube and looking for local gigs. Busking can also be a good way to get exposure. And talent shows if you're feeling really brave!
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    @Ariana No I'm in the UK haha :)

    I don't have lessons. I'm definitely considering it though. Given how I've had some trouble thinking about my future, I've had any working towards it on hold really. Not to mention this weird thing with my throat, it's been going on since autumn so there hasn't really been a way for me to start practicing. So before I take lessons, I'm gonna need a cure for that xD Think I'll go to the doctors, and hopefully it's A, something minor, and B, there's an easy fix.

    But I've thought about being a singer and have been seriously considering it for... It's gotta be around a year now! I like variety with music, but what I'm mostly into is rock, so you'd find me singing that. A singer who's really inspired me is Chester Bennington - he was the singer of a band called Linkin Park, I'd love to have the female version of his voice lol! Anyway, about writing my own songs... Yeah sure! I'd want to write my own songs. Currently, I've kind of half-written songs. I play piano, and I regularly come up with loads of ideas for instrumentals (just need a band in order to complete them). Not to be vain haha, but I think I'm pretty good with music (though not the best with lyrics but if someone else wrote them I'd be set!).

    ....Yeah so sorry for rambling nonsensically :joy: I get kiiiiinda enthusiastic thinking about it.

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    Ah sorry, my bad! I think everyone finds thinking about the future hard, but at least you know what your dream is, so that's a really good start. I do hope the doctor can do something for your throat. It must feel really frustrating not being able to do the thing you love because of it.

    Yeh I know Linkin Park and Chester Bennington. I think a female version of that would be awesome! Like rock, but with added girl power! Just please don't reach the same endpoint, okay? Stick with the fame and success bit. :) I think barely anyone out there writes their own lyrics these days, so I don't see that being an issue and it sounds like you're pretty set with the rest. So maybe getting the throat sorted out and seeing if you can find some people who'd like to be in a band with you could be the next step?

    It's okay, I didn't think it was nonsensical! And it's great that you're so enthusiastic about it. :) I'm the same whenever someone gets me talking about horses lol.
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    edited January 11
    @Ariana nothing to apologise for there! Plus you're being helpful :)

    Oh you know them, that's cool haha! And yeah - guess first of all I should probably see that doc or someone. I have no clue what it is, I just really hope it can be fixed and super easy. It is frustrating, even though it may sound minor, you may as well take all the paintbrushes away from someone who loves painting or something! It's not a problem if it can be fixed, but I just feel kind of worried in case there's nothing they can do or they can't find a cause. Idk - before I decide what to do, I'll see a doctor about it. Think that's my first step, and then I guess everything will just roll from there. I assume my throat's treatable, and if so, once it's okay, I think I'll see about that voice coach haha - even if I'm still kind of unsure about the future, it would definitely be a good idea to try singing out and see how it goes!

    It's just hard and troubling thinking about my future, in some ways. I actually have quite a bit of optimism (as you can see :joy: ) but I'm also battling against my usual problems like hopelessness and self-hate and stuff, so... I kinda need to see a doctor for two things lol.

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    That sounds like a good plan. :) I really hope it can be fixed easily too. I completely understand the frustration because very occasionally I'll break a bone riding and then not be able to ride for weeks and it really really gets me down because riding is the one thing I love and the one thing that gives me any joy in life. So yeh, I get how frustrating not being able to sing because of your throat must be! I'm sure you'd really enjoy singing lessons and learn a lot too.

    Yeh, I relate to the hopelessness and self-hate too. Seeing a doctor about mental health for the first time is really scary, but worth it in the end. There's no shame in asking for help if you're struggling.
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    @Ariana oh god (about breaking bones), that really sucks, I'm glad you say it's occasional at least!

    Hm, I'm definitely seeing a doctor soon. Really really hope they can help with both my mental health and my throat haha.

    Thanks very much for talking to me about this! <3

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    Well, touch wood it's only been twice in nearly 4 years! Other people fall off far more than I do and are fine, I just seem to break easily.

    Best of luck for seeing the doctor. And you're very welcome, any time. :) 
    kathleen0172
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 3,452 Ultimate Poster
    Hey Kathleen

    i think it’s great that you can have some optimism about this!. And I hope that your throat is treatable and that your doctor can help you in some way. & I’m glad you have things you enjoy like music, but I wouldn’t stress so much on about things not working out, you just do all the things you can now and you will learn (know easier said than done). You’re so young.   I don’t even know what I want with my life and I am 20 and my care co ordinator told me she didn’t even know what she wanted to do when she was 20. Many people don’t even at that age. But it’s great you have some idea & always good to be open about other options too. And things change and you could add or remove to your pros and cons list or make new ones for different things. which is totally okay too. 

    Hope youre okay today

    Kindness begins from the understanding that we all struggle.
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    Thank you @Shaunie!

    Yeah, I'm glad I'm still capable of having a bit of optimism at least lol. I really really hope my throat's treatable too. Idk what could be wrong with it, but it affects my speaking sometimes, yet alone can I sing much, and especially I can't sing properly. It gets me down. I don't have the same passion for anything as I do singing. Out of concern over my throat, I've considered becoming a drummer instead - it seems cool, but it's just not the same, if you get that :/ So yeah, my throat bloody better be fixable!

    Yeah haha, true I'm still young. I feel older in my mind though. I guess other people start thinking about this stuff at different ages. I've found now just seems to be that time for me.

    So first step is seeing a doctor and hoping my throat's fixable. Though I've still got other fears as the "cons" list says ha! A big one even though it's totally stupid, is being worried I won't even be able to find bandmates who valued me - I'm scared that no one's ever gonna like me (whatever I do, it's not actually related to being a singer lol. So I guess it becomes more of a question of, do you think I'm a vaulable human being? lol). Regardless of any fears I have though, it's still definitely the path I'd love to go down - though of course I can't if my throat stays like this...

    Rambling as usual (also super tired) I hope I make sense =)

    ShaunieAriana
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 3,452 Ultimate Poster
    I’m sure you will be able to do things in places you can meet like minded people with similar interests:)

    do you know when you can see your doctor. ?Hope is soon & we all supporting you too
    x
    Kindness begins from the understanding that we all struggle.
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    @Shaunie Haven't made the appointment yet, but hoping to within the next few days, so I'll be seeing them fairly soon I hope. It's a lil scary but... And thanks support is really appreciated:) xo 

    Shaunie
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    I'm trying to figure out what to say about my mental health to my doctor. This is kind of nerve-racking, I've never gone about my state before and also I'm shy so will feel uncomfortable... So guess I'm writing a note to show them but I really dunno what to say, anyone got any advice? :/

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    edited January 15
    I think writing stuff down is a really good idea. I think when I first went to a doctor about mental health I went in with a bullet pointed list of the things that were most bothering me and that I wanted help with. The good thing about that is that even if you find yourself a bit lost for words, you can physically give the doctor the list to have a look at themselves.

    It's also worth thinking about what you want from the appointment. Like, are you looking for a diagnosis? Do you want to be prescribed medication? Do you want to be referred for counselling or talking therapies? Things like that because the doctor will probably ask about whether you want to go down the medication route, or the therapy route, or both, so it's worth knowing what you want in advance. Hope that helps a little bit! 
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    @Ariana thank you, good tip :)

    Well, I'd like to get a diagnosis, and be prescribed medication (which hopefully they'll give me). Therapy's something I'd consider in the long term but it's not going to help right now or on its own, I can tell. So yeah, diagnosis and meds. 

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    Sounds like a good plan. Meds can take a little while to help too (6 weeks or so maybe), but will probably be quicker than therapy and they work really well for some people.
    kathleen0172
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 3,452 Ultimate Poster
    edited January 15
    Heyy

    i agree with what Ariana said about writing it all down.
    But It’s also good to think of questions to ask them like “how can I help myself”  or even ask them what they think would be most helpful. And ask about medication if that’s what you want.  And talk about if there is anything that could of triggered these feelings you know of. Or anything that you feel is relevant. And also therapy may not help now but may do in the future and for long term — being referred to stuff takes agesss which may be something to think about / consider if they was to offer any sort of therapy. 

    But if in uk appiontments are like 10 mins. Which may not feel long enough. You can book “double appointments” which are 20 mins long I think. And just try to be as honest as you can cause their intentions are only to help you as best as they can

    Let us know how goes 
    x
    Kindness begins from the understanding that we all struggle.
    Arianakathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    @Shaunie thanks :) And yeah I'll definitely say how it goes. I'm just a bit hesitant haha.

  • CarolineVCarolineV Posts: 62 Moderator
    Hi Kathleen

    I just wanted to drop in to add my support, reaching out to a doctor can be really nerve-racking, but everyone has given you great advice. 

    We're all here for you <3
    Caroline
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    edited January 16
    Thank you @CarolineV :) 


    Okay dudes. My dad's gonna try to make the doctor's appointment today, so I'll let you guys know when the appointment is. I've tried to write the basic points to show my doctor mental-health-wise (don't think I'll need to write things down about my throat problem xD). Is this okay? I'd appreciate honest thoughts, just please don't be brutal as it's a sensitive topic for me haha. And sorry for seeking so much advice.
    -------------------------------------------------------

    Possible depression: This is hard to explain but I'll try. For ages now, I've been struggling with depressive feelings. If I was going to divide everything, it's stuff like...
    • Sadness: I feel overall sad, down, and tearful.
    • It's hard to make decisions and do things, as it feels like nothing will ever be good enough, nothing's right. It's a hopeless and frustrated feeling and it makes me just want to throw everything away and not bother with anything.
    • Low self-esteem: I feel disgusting about my appearance, and I feel that no one likes me and no one ever will like me.
    • I feel I, and my life, are just a load of failures, and I may as well die.

    I just generally feel unhappy, and it's like a hole I can't climb out of, or a shadow hanging over me.


    Possible OCD: To provide backstory, I had two guinea pigs. One of them (Ruby) is still with me, but the other one (Abby) suddenly died for no known reason on the 13th June 2016. Abby's death overall affected me badly, and I guess I got a fear of something happening to Ruby and not having control (and I wanted to forget Abby's death), which lead to me quickly developing OCD symptoms. I struggle with OCD-like behaviours, for example, numbers don't feel safe, as they feel like they represent the years Ruby will live, or in the case of the number 13, there's an association with Abby. The safest numbers feel like 2, 8, and 12, at the moment. Because of this, counting, watching a video, tapping, hearing a clock tick, and basically anything to do with numbers, is a struggle for me. Or, when I'm just tapping my foot along to music, it will feel like the tapping represents Ruby's heartbeat, and I get scared to stop tapping my foot. And, I feel my thoughts can influence reality; as in, I'll try hard not to think of harm coming to Ruby while I'm looking at her, and sometimes thoughts of harm coming to her will randomly enter my mind and I try really hard to push them out. There's a lot of OCD behaviours along these lines, and I couldn't list them all, as there's not a load of super particular ones, but rather this shows up in almost everything I do, in my daily life, if you understand that. These compulsions are too hard to ignore, and though it's not like doing them helps my anxiety, if I don't it makes me feel worse. Also, about my anxiety: as you can gather, I have a fear around Ruby which is the cause (I guess) of the behaviours. I'm paranoid about her, and I often get anxious and panicky irrationally. This has been really bad recently... I've spent a lot of days the past couple of months feeling really scared and on edge all day long, which is unbearable.


    So as you can imagine, everyday I'm feeling generally depressed and paranoid, and it never goes away, I just live with these feelings every second. Sometimes I'll wake up and honestly not know how to get through another day. And I'll feel really low and just want to curl up in an isolated room and sleep, and yet I'm too on edge to relax the slightest bit. It's overwhelming and horrible.




  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 3,452 Ultimate Poster
    It looks okay. I hope they can help you. There’s no right or wrong way to write it. Its how you feel.  
    It does sound overwhelming
    hugs
    Kindness begins from the understanding that we all struggle.
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    edited January 16
    @Shaunie oh good, it was hard to describe so I'm glad it hasn't turned out too bad, thanks!

    My dad just made the appointment, it's for the 22nd January so not long. I'm nervous, not sure I'd go if it weren't for the fact I really need to see what this throat thing is. Oh my... :fearful:

  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    Alright guys. Look, PLEASE don't nag or judge me about this, but I don't think I'm going about my mental health anymore. I thought I was but, basically, it's a long story and I don't wanna go into it, but it's not worth it. Um... sorry xD I'm still going about my throat though. I might change my mind about mental health but I don't think I'm going about it anymore.

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 3,452 Ultimate Poster
    edited January 17
    It’s okay @kathleen0172
    Take your time to reach out for help when/if you think it is best for you.  We will always be here for you either way and will support your desisions too. Glad you’re going to seek help for your throat
    Kindness begins from the understanding that we all struggle.
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    @Shaunie thank you x 

  • ArianaAriana Posts: 193 The Mix convert
    It will be a big step forward getting your throat sorted anyway @kathleen0172 and talking about mental health for the first time is a really scary thing so nobody here is judging you. As Shaunie says, it's got to be at your own pace and when you feel ready. One thing at a time is perfectly fine. :) 
    kathleen0172
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    @Ariana thanks xo

    Ariana
  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    Been to the doctor's. They basically said what I assumed. They examined me and said it was probably a strained vocal cord. And they told me not to sing or use the extremes of my voice (like shouting) for 2 weeks or longer. Which is gonna be extremely difficult... I should probably also limit my speaking. But anyways! So we'll see how that works out. If it doesn't get better I have to go back and be referred to the Speech And Language Team (not 100% sure what they are but...)

  • kathleen0172kathleen0172 Posts: 803 Incredible Poster
    So... Guess I'll rest my voice until the 10th February. I'm trying to comfort myself with the fact that once my throat's good again I can learn to do vocals. Just hope that the voice rest works. If it does, not sure what I'm doing next. It'd be awesome if I could take lessons, but I live in an area where it's gonna be hard to find a voice coach, especially one who taught rock and screaming... :lol:

    I just hope I can succeed with everything... Idk I guess I'm just struggling and self-doubting...

    But anyway yeah... Basically *dramatic voice* I am going on voice rest. And what happens after that depends :)

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