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I cant breakup with him! HELP!! plz

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
PLZ READ THE WHOLE THING!!!

Ive been with this guy for about 9 months and Im starting to lose interest. A month ago, I was totally in love with him (or shud i say lust) and now Im realizing that Im so young and I dont want him to be the last guy I ever date. We were open with eachother and often talked about having a family, settling down with eachother, when im 18 and how we can move in together, how he wanted to get MY NAME tatooed on him ( :eek: ) and stuff like that. He gets alot of crap from his friends about me cuz no one thought we were together. (hes a bit ugly and kinda big boned while im petite and pretty-not to be cocky but it really is true) we broke up a once before and it wasnt pretty. we eneded on bad terms then i called him a month later and we got back together.
I want to date other ppl but im so attached to my boyfriend. he graduated from high school 2 years ago and I have 2 years left of high school. I have been with him for so long that I cant imagine leaving him. For some reason, when me and him broke up, i couldnt get any dates but now that we r back together, im getting guys asking me out almost everyday. I try to imagine me and my b/f in the future as being married, having kids but its so hard cuz we dont have the same values. I was raised in a very religion orriented and strict home, while he didnt and got tatoos. My parents dont like him (cuz he isnt the same religion and he has tatoos and hes 3 years older than me) and his parents think im too young for him. WHAT SHUD I DO??? i guess u cud say I lost my social life when i started dating him cuz when im in a relationship, i give it my all (which sometimes is a bit too much) and now i think i got myself in too deep. hes basically what i would call my "first love" , i feel something different with him, I love spending time with him , he makes me laugh but recently hes started to get very jealous of when other guys look at me or call me. then he'll put on the guilt trip by saying "why dont u just go off and break up with me and get with them?" and "r u sure its alright if i come over and ur other boyfriends arent over there?" it just makes me mad and doesnt help the situation at all.

theres one more issue...with my religion, they encourage sex after marriage and me and my bf were at a point in out relationship where we thought we were in love and had sex. Soon it started taking over our relationship and all we did was have sex. I feel so horrible cuz I know he wanted it really bad so i just kinda gave in. i wanted to be married and give myself to the man i marry, but now im a used piece of trash. And i feel a bit obligated to stay with him cuz the fact that hes the first guy ive had sex with and I dont want to look back on our relationship and think it was just sex. sorry the second part shud be in the sex section but i think ill get more of a response from the relationship section...

so what im trying to ask is. . .

how could i tell him i want to date other people without hurting him?? if theres even a nice way to do that. How would I get over him? i didnt get over us breaking up the first time and Im scared that if i break up with him again, i wont be abe to handle the situation and end up trying to get back together with him. :( please help! ill appreciate any feedback...

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey! firstly welcome :wave:

    you seem pretty sure that u want to date other people, maybe you should suggest a break to him, where u can go and do wat u like, get your social life back, if you find you're happier with out him then just tell him you feel you're to young to settle down (how old are you?) but if u find u hate being without him, just carry on as you were before. but i think u will find u are happier without him.

    be honest with him, its the best way and in the long run he'll appreciate it because there is nothing worse than being broken up with and not knowing why.

    good luck xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: I cant breakup with him! HELP!! plz
    Originally posted by Jordyn
    I want to date other ppl but im so attached to my boyfriend. I have been with him for so long that I cant imagine leaving him. For some reason, when me and him broke up, i couldnt get any dates but now that we r back together, im getting guys asking me out almost everyday.

    Sounds like you`re with him out of habit or because you`re afraid of being alone.

    I try to imagine me and my b/f in the future as being married, having kids but its so hard cuz we dont have the same values. I was raised in a very religion orriented and strict home, while he didnt and got tatoos. My parents dont like him (cuz he isnt the same religion and he has tatoos and hes 3 years older than me) and his parents think im too young for him.

    A long term relationship can be very difficult when you have completely different values, and if it`s a marriage we`re talking about here even more so, because you have more invested in it. Children complicate things further in ways you can`t even imagine.

    However, having a tattoo or two does not a hellraiser make. Only you can judge how different the pair of you are. And although it`s not ultimately your parents` decision whether you should be together or not, think carefully about their reasons for saying this. I`m not saying they ARE right, but they might be. They might actually be trying to help you.

    i guess u cud say I lost my social life when i started dating him cuz when im in a relationship, i give it my all (which sometimes is a bit too much)

    You said it. Cutting off your friends and the entire rest of your life to invest everything in one person is ALWAYS a huge mistake. For a start, noone can really take the burden of having to be everything to another. It`s too much, one person cannot fulfill all of that.

    but recently hes started to get very jealous of when other guys look at me or call me. then he'll put on the guilt trip by saying "why dont u just go off and break up with me and get with them?" and "r u sure its alright if i come over and ur other boyfriends arent over there?" it just makes me mad and doesnt help the situation at all.

    So you`ve made him your world and now he`s starting to try and "protect" that. This is all you can expect if you act in this way. People don`t like change. I bet he won`t like it if you try to start going out with your friends again either.

    theres one more issue...with my religion, they encourage sex after marriage and me and my bf were at a point in out relationship where we thought we were in love and had sex. Soon it started taking over our relationship and all we did was have sex. I feel so horrible cuz I know he wanted it really bad so i just kinda gave in. i wanted to be married and give myself to the man i marry, but now im a used piece of trash. And i feel a bit obligated to stay with him cuz the fact that hes the first guy ive had sex with and I dont want to look back on our relationship and think it was just sex.

    Staying with someone JUST because you had sex with them is a recipe for disaster. Stop dwelling on what has happened, because you cannot change it. Think about the future instead and work out what you want there.

    how could i tell him i want to date other people without hurting him?? if theres even a nice way to do that. How would I get over him? i didnt get over us breaking up the first time and Im scared that if i break up with him again, i wont be abe to handle the situation and end up trying to get back together with him. :( please help! ill appreciate any feedback...

    You can`t end it without hurting him. It`s a fact of life. Don`t try to let him down gently because all you will do is give him mixed messages and keep his hopes alive. How will you get over him? Time, and presumably the dating other people you talk about. You say you didn`t get over it the first time, but you were only split up for a month!! Does this seem like a long time to you? Let me tell you it isn`t.

    You say you`re afraid you`ll end up trying to get back together with him. Well newsflash lady, YOU are in control of your actions. If you don`t want to, then don`t. It`s as simple as that.

    You`re only sixteen. You have a lot to learn. It doesn`t really sound like you know what you want from life, and if you don`t work that out then you`ll end up settling for whatever comes along. You need to do some living, get some goals and not be investing everything you have into some guy, not at your age. There`s so much more to life and it sounds like you need to realise this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sound advice from miffy :yes:

    well she's said everything i was gona say

    IMO you're way too young to be thinking about childrena nd marriage. you have soooo many years ahead of you and you will meet plenty of fellas in that time. i can relate to your situation. there was an age gap of 8 years with me and my ex. i broke up with him coz it was getting to serious. and i do get loads of offers and compliments from other guys. it made me want to see other people. so i broke up with him but because it hurt him so much i felt guilty and got back with him. someone is always going to get hurt at the end of a relationship, but thats the risk you take whenever you start going out with someone.

    i think you should think about yourself, he'll get over it eventually. it's your life, live it how you want -don't feel pressured into staying with him because he loves you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx blnde_batman, Miffy and lipsy for ur really good and inspirational advice. I think that Im am going to break up with him and date other people. When i read what Miffy said, I was so glad cuz I needed to hear that. I dont know what I want out of life and staying with him only because we've had sex is not good at all and will cause chaos.

    thank you guys so much!! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not only might it cause chaos, you will end up miserable. There is a whole world out there, believe me when I say that relationships are not the be all and end all of life, although they`re nice when they`re good ones and when they`re not good they either just plain suck or are bloody hard work.

    Good luck Jordyn. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Jordyn - Welcome.

    I just wanted to say how nice it was to read a message from someone that is well written, readable and pretty concise without using txt spk!! :D

    Also - I agree with Miffy.
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