Have you seen our Good Manners Guide? We've just updated it to include some new info, so do take a look.

Good Manners Guide

The MixThe Mix Staff teamPosts: 1,602 Moderator
edited October 13 in Start Here


Many thanks to Wildchild and the other legacy members who helped put together this user guide.

The Mix discussion boards 'Good Manners Guide'
Here are some 'unwritten rules' by members of The Mix which you may like to bear in mind when posting on the boards. Members are welcome to post their opinions, providing they're abiding by the Registration Rules they accepted when they joined the boards. This guide is simply to let new members know what the norms are here and make it easier to be accepted as part of the community.

Introducing yourself
Welcome to The Mix, it's a cool place with cool people. Why don't you stay a while
Some posters like to introduce themselves once they have registered at The Mix. If you would like to, use the Introduce Yourself forum but don't give out phone numbers, your email address, or your home address. Other posters prefer to remain anonymous, which is fine. 

However, if you are thinking of posting a more personal question (where people would need to draw on their own personal experiences in order to answer) rather than a topic for general discussion, it's polite to give a little information about yourself or why you want to know, so that people will feel more comfortable replying.

New and old posts
dude. post. dead
It's a good idea to check the date that an old thread was started or was most recently added to. As a general rule, anything over a couple of months old can be considered 'dead' and is best being left in its grave. Old threads are left as a reference point - if you are reading them and find something interesting you would like to discuss, you could start a new thread about it.

Four reasons for this:

1. If the thread is asking for advice, any help will be useless after a certain length of time because the problem will have been dealt with.
2. Older posters get frustrated because they saw the thread the first time round, and have to read through it again to check they haven't replied before and that they aren't repeating another poster's comment.
3. Newer posters get confused by all the old and ex posters who originally replied to the thread.
4. The original poster might not want old issues being brought up and bringing back potentially bad memories/feelings.

Before you start a new thread on anything, check previous pages on the forum to make sure nobody has posted a similar question recently. It is possible that the answer to your question is already there, and you won't need to make a new post. People are willing to give advice but will obviously be annoyed if no-one else bothers to read it and they have to give up their time answering the same question for another poster. It's also pointless for someone to post their thread multiple times (duplicates will be deleted by moderators).

Make yourself at home
Posters are, on the whole, very friendly and will be happy to help. They only get annoyed when the same points of etiquette repeatedly are ignored (for example, at The Mix general netiquette such as not writing in block capitals applies, AS IT IS HARDER TO READ AND GIVES THE EFFECT OF SHOUTING), or when a poster is rude, abusive or arrogant - remember that other people have a right to air their views too, even if they disagree with yours.

If nobody responds to your post, it's not helpful to get angry or accuse others of deliberately ignoring you. More often than not, there's a simple reason for it (e.g. nobody was online at the time, people didn't know how to contribute to the conversation, or people genuinely didn't see it). Keep in mind that you're talking to other human beings who, like you, won't always know what to say or want to take part in discussions, and that's okay.

Finally, please don't use the Sex & Relationships forum to try to pick people up; there are plenty of other sites you can use for that purpose.

Content warnings
If you're posting about something intense or using heavy language, it's polite to add 'CW' (content warning) or 'TW' (trigger warning) to the title of your post. For example, "when I was sexually assaulted (TW)".
Another option is to hide the potentially triggering part of your post by using the spoiler feature, like this:

This is a spoiler.

This gives people a heads up that something might be difficult for them to read before they read it, and makes it easier for everyone on the community to look after themselves. Moderators will occasionally add these to posts that need them. It's worth noting that anything severely triggering (such as depicting methods of suicide or self-harm) should not be posted at all.

Tagging & quoting
You can tag someone by using @ followed by their name. For example, @Mike. That person will get a notification that you've mentioned them, so it's helpful to tag someone when you're referencing them so they know they're being talked about.

Quoting someone is a useful way of telling people exactly what you're responding to. This doesn't trigger a notification for the person you quote, so it's polite to tag them so they're aware.

Signatures and avatars
If you use an image that we deem offensive or just plain annoying the mods have every right to modify it if you refuse to do so yourselves.

Sigs shouldn't be too long. As a rule of thumb, if your sig is taking up more of the page than any actual replies then you're probably going to be asked to change it.

Ah, there is one more thing...

Text talk
For some people it's the most natural way to type, while others get annoyed by it. Whether you like 2 tlk lyk dis or write your words out in full, here's a quick guide for text talk on The Mix:

1. Do type in the way that feels most comfortable and natural to you.
2. Do offer to decipher other people's posts if someone says they can't understand them.
3. Don't rage on someone for typing in a way that doesn't seem right to you. If you genuinely can't read a post or thread, then politely ask the person to summarise what they've said in full.

Okay, lecture over. ;) Enjoy your time at The Mix, and if in doubt about anything, ask or you may find the answer you're looking for in our Modding Policy.


Questions/suggestions/corrections? Get in touch or comment below.
We're @Aife@Mike and @Ed_ - the staff team here at The Mix. We don't provide support via this account, but if you have any questions about the boards or need a hand finding your way around, feel free to drop us a message. Alternatively, you can head over to the Help Desk.
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Comments

  • The MixThe Mix Staff team Posts: 1,602 Moderator
    We've just updated this with some new points, like the new spoiler feature.

    This was initially written in collaboration with some seriously old school users, and we'd like to continue that. If you have any suggestions for additions or changes, comment below. :) 

    Mike & the team
    We're @Aife@Mike and @Ed_ - the staff team here at The Mix. We don't provide support via this account, but if you have any questions about the boards or need a hand finding your way around, feel free to drop us a message. Alternatively, you can head over to the Help Desk.
  • ShaunieShaunie Hope.less 🌦 England 🏠Posts: 2,077 Mega Poster
    edited October 11
    What happens if we cant follow these?

    cause this one. I think sometimes get seen differently. 
    If nobody responds to your post, it's not helpful to get angry or accuse others of deliberately ignoring you. More often than not, there's a simple reason for it (e.g. nobody was online at the time, people didn't know how to contribute to the conversation, or people genuinely didn't see it). Keep in mind that you're talking to other human beings who, like you, won't always know what to say or want to take part in discussions, and that's okay.
    Though i try not to accuse any person specifically of ignoring me. But i feel get accused of accusing people for ignoring me.  I do get moments where i think no one cares. By that i dont even mean on the boards. Sometimes just more intense and like with any feeling i just generally seek more support in that moment and post maybe two posts in a row. And then when i get the feeling of no one cares (depressive feeling not just feeling of being ignorred) ( and feeling of no one caring eg my family - not just on the boards) then i post like “no one cares” it comes across that i am saying it because no one is replying and people are ignoring - which i dont mean to. And then people comment saying no one will reply straight away - i dont even expect anyone to.  I think maybe atleast once i have specifically said people are ignoring me. But i mean sometimes when i am just saying “no one cares” and ive posted more than once. It looks like i am sayng people are ignoring me on the site. I dunno how to change that as i just intensively get feelings like that and post like more than once. Selfish i know. So maybe i should just not.. be selfish. Or maybe need a rule about how  much to post... in how much in one thread at a time?  But anyway just wanted to point that out as dont like people thinking am accusing them of ignoring me. Hope that makes sense


    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us face, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” ~ Marvin J Ashton 🌸🌸🌸
  • ShaunieShaunie Hope.less 🌦 England 🏠Posts: 2,077 Mega Poster
    edited October 11


    The Mix said:
     It is also pointless for a poster to repeat their question or topic by starting a new thread.


    Also. So sorry,  but i post a lot of “topics” that are around self hate and depression and like treatment/therapy/appointment stuff - Is that annoying for others to read now? To feel like theyre giving “same advice” and bored. So sorry if is.  i dont need advice on other things so maybe i should just stop using the boards now lol

    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us face, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” ~ Marvin J Ashton 🌸🌸🌸
  • The MixThe Mix Staff team Posts: 1,602 Moderator
    Thanks for the feedback @Shaunie. :) A couple of things here...
    Shaunie said:


    The Mix said:
     It is also pointless for a poster to repeat their question or topic by starting a new thread.


    Also. So sorry,  but i post a lot of “topics” that are around self hate and depression and like treatment/therapy/appointment stuff - Is that annoying for others to read now? To feel like theyre giving “same advice” and bored. So sorry if is.  i dont need advice on other things so maybe i should just stop using the boards now lol

    I think the meaning of this one is more to do with double-posting (I'll make that a bit clearer in the main post). So it wouldn't be useful for someone to post the same thing in two different places, hoping to get more responses. Over time, if people want to start threads around similar topics, of course there's nothing wrong with that. :) We're not limiting anyone to posting one thread about whatever they want support with. Does that make sense?
    Shaunie said:
    What happens if we cant follow these?

    cause this one. I think sometimes get seen differently. 
    If nobody responds to your post, it's not helpful to get angry or accuse others of deliberately ignoring you. More often than not, there's a simple reason for it (e.g. nobody was online at the time, people didn't know how to contribute to the conversation, or people genuinely didn't see it). Keep in mind that you're talking to other human beings who, like you, won't always know what to say or want to take part in discussions, and that's okay.
    Though i try not to accuse any person specifically of ignoring me. But i feel get accused of accusing people for ignoring me.  I do get moments where i think no one cares. By that i dont even mean on the boards. Sometimes just more intense and like with any feeling i just generally seek more support in that moment and post maybe two posts in a row. And then when i get the feeling of no one cares (depressive feeling not just feeling of being ignorred) ( and feeling of no one caring eg my family - not just on the boards) then i post like “no one cares” it comes across that i am saying it because no one is replying and people are ignoring - which i dont mean to. And then people comment saying no one will reply straight away - i dont even expect anyone to.  I think maybe atleast once i have specifically said people are ignoring me. But i mean sometimes when i am just saying “no one cares” and ive posted more than once. It looks like i am sayng people are ignoring me on the site. I dunno how to change that as i just intensively get feelings like that and post like more than once. Selfish i know. So maybe i should just not.. be selfish. Or maybe need a rule about how  much to post... in how much in one thread at a time?  But anyway just wanted to point that out as dont like people thinking am accusing them of ignoring me. Hope that makes sense


    Totally hear what you're saying here. There's definitely a difference between general feelings of being ignored in your life or feeling like nobody cares, and saying those things specifically about people on the community. Also, this wasn't written with any specific people in mind - it's a natural assumption a lot of folks make.

    To avoid those misunderstandings, I wonder if it would be useful to clarify who you're referring to in the post? For example, saying "I feel so ignored by my family and friends" or "it feels like people in my life don't care". That extra info can help avoid those misunderstandings. Of course, it also helps if other people don't jump to that conclusion.

    And generally speaking, these aren't rules that we'll ban anyone for breaking (unless it's extreme, like someone insisting on typing in all caps). They're just the norms of the community that should help people get used to how things work. Not super strict.

    Does that help?

    Mike & the team
    We're @Aife@Mike and @Ed_ - the staff team here at The Mix. We don't provide support via this account, but if you have any questions about the boards or need a hand finding your way around, feel free to drop us a message. Alternatively, you can head over to the Help Desk.
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