My best friend passed away

[Deleted User]

Last weekend, my dearest friend Leanne passed away in her sleep from a brain haemorrhage.  She was my best friend. Best. Ever. I knew her all my life, she was like a sister to me. We had some glorious times together.

Leanne's wife Maggie woke to become highly distraught. She called the doctor then us. We immediately packed to go and see her. They have children and it was left to Sophie and I to tell them. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I remain - broken. There is no getting around the feeling of loss. I pray that Maggie's family find solace knowing that Leanne is forever at peace in Heaven. Gonna be a big reunion one day, but I am still mortal and the pain inside that bereavement causes is unspeakably sad. 

Former Member

Hey Floxy

I'm so sorry to head this But it's important to remember the good times you had together. Could you make a scrapbook with all the memories? bug hugs! 

Millie2787

Floxy losing someone you love is difficult, it really is.
You must let breavment take it’s course - let yourself grief becasue you may think that keeping your mind of things and keeping busy is the best .
im gonna be brutally honest it isn’t - yes doing some activités keep you mind if things helps but I tried to completely shut out grief when my nans passed away 5 years and 2 years ago and it’s caused  up with me and caused more problems than it’s worth.

have a look at Cruse bereavement and maybe look for some bereavement counselling services in your area ❤️💖 stay strong buddy I’m hear if you need a chat 

[Deleted User]

Hey.. thank you @Past User  and @Millie2787 I'm very grateful for your writing. Since arriving in Dublin with family, I've been in a very hard place because their children, the older ones, have been in such distress and I don't know what to do!

Millie, I've already had bereavement counselling with Cruse when my mother died, though the circumstances surrounding her death was grim. Since my recent major heart operation back in the first week of September I've had to keep resting, but there is only so much I can do. In the meantime, however, I brought with me my portable easel and oil paints so to keep myself occupied.

Also Millie, I won't shut out my best friend's death because of knowing what happened to me when after my mother killed herself before time. And that situation affected the whole family, even now they haven't forgotten or forgave though I did. Also having given advice out to others over their loss, I know that grief cannot be rushed.

Thank you Boo for your writing to me. I appreciate your friendship so much.

Thank you both for your kindness.

Mandy xx

Millie2787

Hi Mandy,
first of all I’m so sorry to hear about you Mum - God rest her soul 💖❤️( sorry I’m a tad religious ) 
as you probably already know this but give the older ones time they would of understood the context of the death more fully than the younger ones 
and you know that grief manafests it’s Way in many different ways but the way I found best to get through it - it might or might not work for you all - but just have a talk to rid of all the frustration , anger , upset and then talk about all the good memories , the silly ones , even the ones that you shouldn’t laugh at but there too funny not to 
sorry if this sounds like I bunch of rubbish just trying to draw on my experiences 

lots of love for you all 
Aimee 

[Deleted User]

Millie2787 said:

Hi Mandy,
first of all I’m so sorry to hear about you Mum - God rest her soul 💖❤️( sorry I’m a tad religious ) 
as you probably already know this but give the older ones time they would of understood the context of the death more fully than the younger ones 
and you know that grief manafests it’s Way in many different ways but the way I found best to get through it - it might or might not work for you all - but just have a talk to rid of all the frustration , anger , upset and then talk about all the good memories , the silly ones , even the ones that you shouldn’t laugh at but there too funny not to 
sorry if this sounds like I bunch of rubbish just trying to draw on my experiences 

lots of love for you all 
Aimee 

You have much love and empathy to many, @Millie2787 and being religious is not a crime or in any way to apologise for. Similar happened to me recently when Sophie led me to meet Jesus Christ in a personal way, and my whole life changed.

As for my mother, she killed herself before her time, and didn't give any of my family time to say their goodbyes, for her condition was terminal from cancer. Though we never agreed on anything, I felt deserted, but what I will never understand was, she left her entire estate to me. I shared much of it among my family.

It was such terrible news, and very unexpected and sudden. I feel so awful for Maggie to have discovered her the next morning. Leanne was so very lovely, and even though she had some struggles in life, she overcame them wonderfully to build a life and a family with Maggie and their children. I feel deserted; it also feels as if a part of my life has been taken away. Last night was spent crying. I've only had an hour's sleep.

Aimee, nothing you say is rubbish. You are a gift to many here and I would imagine very loved. I am going to be taking your advice and seek out a bereavement counsellor, and I thank you so much for all you have done and for all that you are.

Mandy

Dancer

Aww @Floxy I only just saw this discussion and when I saw it, it made me upset. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

Azziman

Hi Mandy,

I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be really awful for your and her family right now

Like @Millie2787 said, it's important to let yourself grieve and go through the motions. It won't be easy, but know that your family, Leanne's family, and all of us, are here with you through this x

Always here to chat if you'd like - it helps to talk x

Much love

[Deleted User]

Azziman said:

Hi Mandy,

I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be really awful for your and her family right now

Like @Millie2787 said, it's important to let yourself grieve and go through the motions. It won't be easy, but know that your family, Leanne's family, and all of us, are here with you through this x

Always here to chat if you'd like - it helps to talk x

Much love

You always were a kind friend, @Azziman and what I so like about you is your are completely selfless.Thank you for watching over Sophie

I am arranging a bereavement counsellor for Leanne's family and widow so they can attend sessions in Dublin at a time to suit them. I've paid a substantial amount for all the family including their children. I think counselling will be helpful. And when Sophie and I go home, the following week we three including young Peggy will be seeing a bereavment counsellor for ourselves.

We remain devastated. Leanne dying so young was just too awful to contemplate, and her children are at just the age to know the gravity of their mother's passing.

Thank you for your friendship, dear friend.

Mandy

Former Member

Hey @Floxy, so sorry to hear what happened but it's been so encouraging to read all the support you've received from the Mix community.

The advice given so far has been on point, and all that's left to say is that death and grief affect each individual individually. It seems like you are acting admirably in your general support role for all of those around you but do remember to make some time for your own self care.

Have you been painting recently? I recently started painting using acrylic paints and it is both extremely fun and highly engaging. I have to concentrate very hard :P What sort of scenes do you enjoy painting? 

Hope these last few days have been manageable. Everyone here cares about you so much. Stay strong if you feel that's right, but remember it's perfectly natural and healthy for you not to feel like being strong

[Deleted User]

Hi @JamJar I've been most grateful to all those who have posted here to help me through one of my darkest hours ever. I've not long been home since travelling, but having to change flights from security scares, even a family of ducks squatting on the runway, holding up our plane. On arriving home we had to move house and no I'm left feeling exhausted.

Last weekend was Leanne's funeral. It was a difficult time during which I wept all the way through, but we're home now and since all our furniture has been moved, I went to my studio and prepared a large canvas.

Many years ago I began painting seascapes in oils, but using palette knives, a fine set of which I found in a Paris flea market. Two years later at around fourteen, I was astonished when my art teacher complimented me for emulating the great French painter Pierre de Clausade. Fours years later to the present and I'm selling my paintings and earning a remarkably good living. I used to do bookkeeping, but since my art has taken over, no end of people want to buy my work for which I can charge anything up to 5,000 eur or more for a wall mural. Consequently the bereavement has begun taking a back seat, though I have no doubt it will soon raise its ugly head to send me crashing down again.

Now, I hide myself away except to spend time with my lovely girlfriend and my adorable youngster Peggy who I've recently been made guardian to. But I won't rush my bereavement, oh no. Since my major heart operation last month, I'm taking things easier now I am not having any more hassle from people getting me down, I only come here when I feeling up to it.

I value your friendship and help, really I do. Thank you so much.