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[OLD] The 'I need a hug' thread - please read first post before posting :)

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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Please please please take it away...
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Got a really bad feeling someone’s going to leave my life and I don’t know who or where from 😔
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    *Sigh*I just wish I knew who it was 😐
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Saaaaaaaad... :'( meeeeeeeeh
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited February 2019
    Send help :no_mouth::neutral:
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Really wish that everytime i socialise that i didnt replay all the conversations asking myself the same thing of whether i said something that they thought was stupid. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 2019


    Eaten literally nothing today because i cant afford to eat anything and no food in house and no one cares or has noticed.. ......Not like i have anorexia and it is triggering me😒 & this is contradictive to when i say how annoying it is for my family to force me.
    i have no energy and i feel like crying or passing out

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited February 2019
    WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? WHAT'S HAPPENING? GOD EVERYTHING'S SO HARD :pensive:

    Edit: In addition to, "Scared And Can't Cope", I should make "Hate Myself And Can't Cope", "Sad And Can't Cope" "Things-Feel-So-Bleeh-And-Not-Right-I'm-Hopeless And Can't Cope", "Facing Compulsions And Can't Cope", "Feel Stuck And Can't Cope", ect
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    God - do I sound annoying as hell (like genuinely)? 'Cause I feel like I seem really loud and short-tempered and like my mood's very up and down, if that makes any sense. Think I just think that 'cause I really hate myself, but if anyone else thinks that, it just seems to be how I express myself in writing, in person I'm pretty caring and soft and open-minded and (sorta) shy, I'm always battling my mind, and my mood's fairly consistent/stable. Idk why I said that it just bothers me that I might be coming across as someone who I'm not. Not even sure if I am though. Like I say I just hate myself so much uuuuugh.

    But yeah if you find me annoying so do I so...
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 2019
    I always say my eating disorder isnt about my body image. But i know it is feburary and we british people get our kooperbergs out and ice cream  at a slight glance at sun. lol anyway at one point it was warm enough that i only wanted to wear a top round house. Then i felt skinny but fat at same time. Like generally i felt my body body is skinny until i start analyising myself. i just kept thinking about summer and how i want to be stick thin again and have a really small waist. Cause i havent been wearing things that show my skin much cause i freeze otherwise ah so like wearing even a top changes my thoughts and i don’t know id rather cover up my fat so i dont have to see it 
    basically now i think it must have to do with my image as well as how it makes me feel - if these are my thoughts 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I keep telling myself that everytime i want to binge eat i should harm myself instead as maybe distraction and both give of endorpins
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    It is the first weekend my sister has left primark so i am just going by myself from now on. I thought it would be great because i do always say how i find it suffocating that we have always done things today. 
    Like we have gone school together and then same college and even ended up with the same class in college and then work at the same place and at work we work near same sections so always speak to her. ( we are twins but really wish was seperated more so i could be more independat now) and this is like the first thing have done independetly and by myself so thought id feel great as wanted that. But i was just so anxious and scared and i spent most of my time in the toilets because i think had panic attack and i don’t know it just all felt so intense. Which is weird because i have gone to work when my sister called in sick. But i guess i was stressed thinking now i will be by myself forever in here and will have to ask my stupid questions to other people and speak to people more. 

    But I could call in sick and none of my family would ever know which is so tempting

    my dad and my sister are both working 12 hours today so i have a free house from 8til 8pm and i don’t know why i say this but i invited a guy round. First without wanting sex from him lol. But i don’t know i said it yesterday too but canceled on him. And i feel like cant cancel again today so dk what to do. Pretend ive died lol. I really wish i could be more sociable but something stops me and think just dont want to get to know people that well or trust them cause ive donethat before and ended up badly
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Still got the awful feeling that someone going to leave  :'(
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    MochanMochan Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Millie2787. I'm sorry to hear that. It can be really tough worrying about someone leaving. Have you spoken to anyone close to you about your worries?
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    @Mochan I haven’t no becasue it’s just  a silly irrational fear 😣
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    edited February 2019
     yet I still can’t stop thinking it over and over that someone’s going to leave and I don’t know who - maybe some of it is to do with so many people leaving me in my childhood and it’s the fear of anbandoment but I just don’t know I really need sleep but can’t stop overthinking about it 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I am so tired all the time feel my eyes are burning
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Wish this feeling of someone leaving would just go now ☹️
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    The friend who was meant to be coming with me to my blood donation for support just bailed on me 😐
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    When you can’t givd blood becasue they couldn’t find a vein 😔
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm really tired :sleepy: And troubled. Oh myyyyyy I feel like I'm pushing so hard give me a medal :frown:
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm terrible aren't I? Just tell me. Ugly, disgusting, frustrating, just fuck everything up, making your skin fucking crawl, right? A presence things would be better without, talentless, hopeless. Just tell me what the truth is? 
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Not even 2 hours into placement and already had to ask for 5 minutes becasue I’m not coping 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited February 2019
    Please help! My mom's really up and down and bursting into hysterical tears and stuff over her boyfriend cheating on her (I mean I sympathise and it's understandable enough but...). My dad's out for the day with his girlfriend, and my sibling's a bitch who has no sympathy for anyone and will only yell at my mom. So I'm stuck trying to comfort her.

    And I jokingly called her a weirdo a few moments ago. You see, I think I'm actually like this because of all the drama-emotion in my childhood, I often use a kind of chill, slightly sarcastic and jokey attitude. NOT a mean attitude. But anyways, when I said that, she burst into tears and was like, "please don't be mean to me, I'm not well enough!" So now I feel kinda guilty and at fault plus I can't even use my ordinary attitude to help myself feel better.

    Not sure whether to run and hide in my room while she's calm enough or to try to suck it up despite all this mental agony :/


    edit: Thanks, my mom's boyfriend, all thanks to your fucking heartlessness, my mom's now really hurt, and my mom's hurt is making stuff harder. I really appreciate you horrible asshole who honestly doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself :/
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    uuuuuugh and my sibling's now doing another daily round of bitching. If they say one more bitchy thing I think I'm gonna tell them off :angry: They just can't go about life treating peeps like this.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited February 2019
    Aaaaanndd NOW I just half-snapped at my mom and have probably made everything worse! Goddamn it.

    She's being really loud and unpredictable. I'm not kidding. When she came this morning she said, "I'm fine now :D!" Then she's been bursting into tears, then shouting angrily along to music, and so forth. She really wallows in emotion but god, this one sucks bad. It's not helping my anxiety :frown:

    This may sound cruel but I don't trust her with her dog tonight - I honestly think we should have the dog at ours for a few days or weeks while my mom can scream it out without her poor dog next to her to get alarmed. I may suggest that to her but she'll either A, burst into tears or yell at me, or B, tell me the dog will be fine.

    My dad wants to see his girlfriend again in a few days I think - kinda hope he decides against it...

    Ohhhhhh I'm just having a terrible time in general and all this jazz isn't helping. I'll stop ranting on this thread now sorry
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Was really weird that tonight my sister was actually asking about my mental health appiontments. Neverrrr happens. 

    She was asking what changed and how did they help because at one point i was really ill -- tbh i feel like not much has changed. Just because im not threatening to hurt myself in the middle of the woods while beig arrested doesnt mean i am not ill anymore. 

    But guess got better at coping still feeling shit. So i just said they helped me me with coping skills and goal setting so i have some meaning in my life and cause id really like to be a peer support worker. 

    Then it was weird -- she was asking me to hug her lol. We dont do that tho we are close but i gues in different terms. She has a new job as a care assistant so im thinking that maybe the old people have been telling her about how short life is looolll and to take interest in peoples lives. That is only reason i can think she was acting different lol
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Today is dragging so much - just want to go home and not be around people 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Do hate getting buses when its busy and near school time. Have ended going past my stop just because i hate getting off when loads of people are on the bus. Lol idk why. So now i im going to stay on until it get less busy and closer to home but without needing to take forrver - i hope
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    hmm Just have to push everyone away  :'(
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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