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[OLD] The 'I need a hug' thread - please read first post before posting :)

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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    edited July 2022
    Urges have been intense today.
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    edited July 2022
    Trying so hard not to self harm. Sometimes I don't want to fight it anymore because its too hard. I know It's unhealthy but it's so tiring and draining having to fight through the hard days.
    Post edited by Salix_alba_2019 on
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    Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Got covid thought was a cold
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Got covid thought was a cold
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Mel_Mel_ Posts: 574 Incredible Poster
    The fact ill know what direction the case will be taken in less/just over a week is honestly terrifying...
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    Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    I’m so sad
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Mel_Mel_ Posts: 574 Incredible Poster
    i keep accidentally missing support chat which is soo frustrating, everything is so overwhelming right now
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    edited July 2022
    If you've ever had that moment where you've briefly forgotten that someone has passed away, then you'll know how gut wrenching it is when you're hit with the reality that they're actually gone. It's these ripples of grief that really mess with you because It's an awful feeling.

    I know dad isn't here with us and he hasn't been for years but I could really do with him right now. Nothing could prepare me for this, this really it.
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    Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 2,161 Boards Champion
    Im just empty and heartbroken 💔
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    I’ve got a night of self harming :’(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    I don’t know how much longer I can keep going 😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 2,161 Boards Champion
    I dont know what to say. I want the pain to go away. Im buried in sorrow and heartbreak and i try to cry but the tears wont flow. Im just empty.
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    I'm okay but I'm not okay. I have good days but mostly bad days. Today I didn't want to be sad instead, I wanted to be reckless.

    I don't want to live in this vessel and I don't know what to to
    LorryTruck wrote: »
    I don't know why, but recently I've been really paranoid. To the point that when I go out to the shop by myself, I feel like someone is out there for me, even though there is no evidence for it. I feel under threat for no reason. Even at home. It's worse at night, even though there's nothing that could get me. I feel like it's been getting worse, but I don't know.

    I feel like I'm trapped in it. I just want to live my life normally again.

    Honestly I've been feeling like that too and I've been too scared to talk to anyone about it. Do you recon in might be stress related or is there anything that's happened to make you feel this way ?
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    Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
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    Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    LorryTruck wrote: »
    Salix_alba_2019 wrote: »
    I'm okay but I'm not okay. I have good days but mostly bad days. Today I didn't want to be sad instead, I wanted to be reckless.

    I don't want to live in this vessel and I don't know what to to
    LorryTruck wrote: »
    I don't know why, but recently I've been really paranoid. To the point that when I go out to the shop by myself, I feel like someone is out there for me, even though there is no evidence for it. I feel under threat for no reason. Even at home. It's worse at night, even though there's nothing that could get me. I feel like it's been getting worse, but I don't know.

    I feel like I'm trapped in it. I just want to live my life normally again.

    Honestly I've been feeling like that too and I've been too scared to talk to anyone about it. Do you recon in might be stress related or is there anything that's happened to make you feel this way ?

    Hey @Salix_alba_2019 . I'm sorry you feel like this too.

    It might be stress. I honestly don't know. On this site is the first place I've said about it because I keep thinking it's stupid, and others will think I'm crazy.

    There's stuff that happened in my past that could be causing it, but it seems like a late reaction.

    Do you know why you feel like that?

    Hey @LorryTruck

    Talking is a really good first step and I'm really glad that you were able to confide in us at The Mix. Understanding where these thoughts may be coming from is a great start and like you've mentioned it could be related to your previous experiences and even if it did happen a while ago it's on uncommon for things to pop up.

    I came across a video of a psychiatrist and she did a really good job of breaking down the difference between anxiety worries and delusions, it really helped me to make sense of my thoughts (if I can find the link I'll post it). Either way it's really confusing and scary trying to make sense of all these thoughts, especially because you want to be taken seriously and scared or the repercusions of what would happen if you shared what was going on.

    I remember the first time I told my psychiatrist about my "thoughts" and I remember how relived I felt to be heard and not judged. I have BPD so I know it's not uncommon to experience stress induced delusions. I have a job that's quite stressful and I'm not longer medicated so that combined mixed with other stuff.

    Do you you have any techniques to helpe make sense of everything ?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Work wasn’t great today. I asked for a break for a breather. (Wasn’t meant to have break as only 4 hours) Then I came back and was like yeah I feel better. Went to locker rooms with massive urge to hurt myself. But manager walked in (locker rooms aren’t for managers so she was looking for me & she basically stopped me from hurting myself and released what I was frantically trying to look for in my bag. We had a nice chat and took me off the shop floor and i sorted out shoes in stock room instead and felt better.

    I’m suspended they didn’t send me home or got occupational health involved as if she didn’t come looking for me I would of been self harming and the clear plan is to send me home and suspend me if I express thoughts of suicide or self harm at work. I guess I didn’t do any of those so I’m glad I still have job. I’m getting scared
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Ummm I got really drunk tonight. I’m just about come back to life. Was throwing up for hours and had to be driven home and put to bed and kept being checked up on to see I was sleeping on my side. I’m just about alive now. Hopefully I will still make it to work tomorrow with this bed jug of water. How embarrassinggggg
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    I’m alive but I’m dead
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Dyingggg
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Tw Emetophobia

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    My sick was black. Does that mean dry blood ?( I was sick a lot from alcohol but was drinking on a completely empty stomach soo probably why? It feels concerning. I still feel slightly unwell but that’s normal for me and stopped being sick but why was it black
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Mel_Mel_ Posts: 574 Incredible Poster
    my suicidal thoughts feel like they're getting worse again. Reaching out to shout tonight but I'm really struggling. i 100% find out on Thursday what direction the case is going, my old care co has offered to be there with me which is nice but right now I don't even want to be here
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    Mel_Mel_ Posts: 574 Incredible Poster
    Not in a good place, really bad place don’t think I’m coping and will cope tonight
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    BenMaBenMa Moderator, Staff Posts: 143 Helping Hand
    Mel_ wrote: »
    Not in a good place, really bad place don’t think I’m coping and will cope tonight

    Hi @Mel_ , thank you so much for sharing this with us tonight. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot just now and I hear you don't feel like you're coping at the moment. In your previous post you mentioned that you 100% find out today (Thursday) what direction your case is going, can I ask if that happened today? How did that feel for you?

    I'm hearing that you've recently had suicidal thoughts and have reached out to SHOUT in the past when things have felt really difficult, its really positive that you've taken that step before Mel. I also wanted to share some additional resources for tonight, as I get the sense you feel as though getting through tonight might be quite challenging:

    Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
    Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
    Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200

    We're all here for you, you absolutely deserve support to cope this evening Mel! How do you intend on spending your time tonight?
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    Mel_Mel_ Posts: 574 Incredible Poster
    BenMa wrote: »
    Mel_ wrote: »
    Not in a good place, really bad place don’t think I’m coping and will cope tonight

    Hi @Mel_ , thank you so much for sharing this with us tonight. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot just now and I hear you don't feel like you're coping at the moment. In your previous post you mentioned that you 100% find out today (Thursday) what direction your case is going, can I ask if that happened today? How did that feel for you?

    I'm hearing that you've recently had suicidal thoughts and have reached out to SHOUT in the past when things have felt really difficult, its really positive that you've taken that step before Mel. I also wanted to share some additional resources for tonight, as I get the sense you feel as though getting through tonight might be quite challenging:

    Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
    Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
    Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200

    We're all here for you, you absolutely deserve support to cope this evening Mel! How do you intend on spending your time tonight?

    Yeah it happened today. I don’t want to put it all on here but it didn’t go well. I feel very numb and not with it right now.
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    Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    Sending hugs and strength @Mel_ - take your time and remember to try and be kind to yourself right now, you deserve support with how you are feeling right now. The community will always be here for you if/when you feel ready to talk through what has happened, but do also check out the services that Ben shared in the meantime as there will be people willing to listen and talk through it all. You've shown such strength in coping with all of this so far, and whilst it may not always feel like it, you can find that strength to continue forward no matter how hard today may feel.
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.

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