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Boyfriend sort of kicked out?
Former Member
NoobPosts: 3 Newbie
So, I have a dilemma. My boyfriend who’s 18 has always had a bad relationship with his mother, we’ve been together 3 years and I could probably count the times they’ve actually gotten on properly on one hand. At the end of year 12 he began getting quite down and depressed out of nowhere, ended up getting signed off a lot and eventually missed so much he left school. He didn’t know what to do with himself once he began to feel better more recently, but recently decided he wants to apply to a foundation course (where you don’t need A levels), he’s contacting unis to ask if they’d consider late applications which most do, and it’s all looked like it was on the up. However, last night, he and his mum got into a huge row as she’d boxed up some of his stuff. He said he was going out and she’s now taken his keys off of him and has said he can have them back once he has a job.
She’s allowed him in the flat when she’s there, but she’s a full time worker and also goes away often, she’s staying away at least every two weeks for the weekend, so he’s left without a home at those points. She says he can go and stay with his grandparents but they do have a life and aren’t readily available 24/7, she also says he can stay with his dad, but he lives very far away and he can’t afford to be going back and forth every few weeks to his Dad’s on the train, it’s pretty expensive! He stays with me a lot at this point, and thankfully my parents have said he can sleep here, but as if the situation couldn’t be worse, my mum has recently been diagnosed with cancer. She’s missing a fair amount of shifts at work due to treatment so we’re losing money as a result so can’t afford to feed him 3 meals a day, and of course there are going to be times he simply can’t be here, such as if he’s ill as he could give it to my mum who’s vulnerable to illness due to chemo, so we’re at a loss.
There will come a time nobody is available to have him and his mum is adamant she will not budge. He’s not saying he won’t get a job either, but if he does manage to get a foundation, he won’t be living in this area past September, so in a few months he’ll be having to quit. Last time he had a job it took him a few months to get one, he ended up working in one of the local McDonald’s after being rejected from the other two, and he didn’t leave on brilliant terms so I’m doubtful they’d consider hiring him back. By time he gets a job he may be quitting in a month or two, but she’s adamant he cannot have his keys back until he has a job. I don’t know where he stands with this as he’s not technically been kicked out, she’s allowing him in the house whilst she’s there but otherwise he can’t be, and he obviously doesn’t actually have access to it for himself. I was wondering if anyone has any advice?
She’s allowed him in the flat when she’s there, but she’s a full time worker and also goes away often, she’s staying away at least every two weeks for the weekend, so he’s left without a home at those points. She says he can go and stay with his grandparents but they do have a life and aren’t readily available 24/7, she also says he can stay with his dad, but he lives very far away and he can’t afford to be going back and forth every few weeks to his Dad’s on the train, it’s pretty expensive! He stays with me a lot at this point, and thankfully my parents have said he can sleep here, but as if the situation couldn’t be worse, my mum has recently been diagnosed with cancer. She’s missing a fair amount of shifts at work due to treatment so we’re losing money as a result so can’t afford to feed him 3 meals a day, and of course there are going to be times he simply can’t be here, such as if he’s ill as he could give it to my mum who’s vulnerable to illness due to chemo, so we’re at a loss.
There will come a time nobody is available to have him and his mum is adamant she will not budge. He’s not saying he won’t get a job either, but if he does manage to get a foundation, he won’t be living in this area past September, so in a few months he’ll be having to quit. Last time he had a job it took him a few months to get one, he ended up working in one of the local McDonald’s after being rejected from the other two, and he didn’t leave on brilliant terms so I’m doubtful they’d consider hiring him back. By time he gets a job he may be quitting in a month or two, but she’s adamant he cannot have his keys back until he has a job. I don’t know where he stands with this as he’s not technically been kicked out, she’s allowing him in the house whilst she’s there but otherwise he can’t be, and he obviously doesn’t actually have access to it for himself. I was wondering if anyone has any advice?
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Comments
Welcome to The Mix! It's lovely to have you here :wave:
Firstly I just wanted to say how brave you are for reaching out here about what's going on. It's not easy at all to talk about what's going on so really done for being so brave.
It sounds like things are feeling quite overwhelming for you at the moment and you're feeling really worried about your boyfriend and also your mum too. You're not alone in what you're going through at all, there's some amazing support out there both for yourself and your boyfriend.
There's a really great organisation called Centerpoint that your boyfriend might like to reach out to. They have a helpline and can help people find housing support that offers temporary accommodation. They have a really great helpline and will explore your boyfriends situation and help him find housing support. They are a specialist support services for young people under the age of 25. You can find their website here, and you can call them on 0808 800 0661 (they are open Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm). You can also contact them online here.
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now yourself, I'm really sorry to hear about your mum, when someone close to us gets diagnosed with cancer it can be the hardest thing. How are you feeling about this?
There's some great places you can reach out to for support for yourself too. Hope is a UK charity that offers support to young people when a close family member is diagnosed with a serious illness, such as cancer. You can also talk to us anytime here, keep posting on the boards whenever you need to. Everyone is so supportive and we're here for you anytime you need someone to talk to.
I hope this information has been helpful. Stay Strong *hug*
All the best,
- Aife