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Is .this college friend bullying me and others?

L100L100 Posts: 49 Cool Newbie
So bassically in my group with have a friend who's 18 but when he says he's free and he's going to meet up he always makes up excuses (which you can tell are fake) when ever i met up with him. He does the same thing to other people in his current course. But the most annnoying thing is he lets all of us down but however this only happens when you meet up with just yourself and him but it never happens when meet in a group. We've never told him about it because none of us want to hurt his feelings. But whenever i or someone else meets up with him he always cancells it at the last minuite so if we're meeting him at place A and we have to get the bus their he'll ussually say him excuse after i've (or if t's my friend) wondered why he hasn't turned up for 30 mins so not only is this annoying it also wastes our time and occasionally bus fare and then i or another friend have to wait another hour for a bus. This has been happening for at least a year and half (that's how long i've been at college for but my friends said it started when they first joined).
To be honest we're starting to think whether we should be friends anymore as he also lies a lot as my friend has told me he makes up rumors about me and this is a friend in a different course as me says he's told others things that's not true about me but the friends of my friend seem to belief them but everyone in my tutor group are fed up of him and another person he hangs out with that lies a lot.

And as i said he does this with pretty much everyone in my tutor group he meets
I cant tell if this is bullying or not?

Comments

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 466 Rampant Poster
    Hey @L100

    Sounds like a right pain! I can't really tell you if it's bullying or not, or know if it would be helpful to label it either way. But I can say it sounds like a really frustrating and confusing place to be with a friend. One part of your post stood out to me:
    L100 wrote: »
    however this only happens when you meet up with just yourself and him but it never happens when meet in a group.
    I wonder if this is because he may be nervous seeing one person alone? Could possibly be a little bit of social anxiety instead of rudeness.

    That said, I really do think the best thing you can do is talk to him about it, even if it's over text or the phone if you know he will just cancel on you. Certainly if he's making up rumours about you that is not fair on you, and the best thing to do is confront him about these things rather than speculating with others.

    Do you think you could have a quiet chat/call/text with him about it?

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • L100L100 Posts: 49 Cool Newbie
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hey @L100

    Sounds like a right pain! I can't really tell you if it's bullying or not, or know if it would be helpful to label it either way. But I can say it sounds like a really frustrating and confusing place to be with a friend. One part of your post stood out to me:

    I wonder if this is because he may be nervous seeing one person alone? Could possibly be a little bit of social anxiety instead of rudeness.

    That said, I really do think the best thing you can do is talk to him about it, even if it's over text or the phone if you know he will just cancel on you. Certainly if he's making up rumours about you that is not fair on you, and the best thing to do is confront him about these things rather than speculating with others.

    Do you think you could have a quiet chat/call/text with him about it?

    - Lucy
    i try to but then he either just changes subject, logs off or hangs up.So have others and he does same to others. I dunno what social anxiety is and why would that happen if just one person and not group?
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 340 Rampant Poster
    L100 wrote: »
    i try to but then he either just changes subject, logs off or hangs up.So have others and he does same to others. I dunno what social anxiety is and why would that happen if just one person and not group?

    Hi L100,

    When you're in a group, there are others to contribute, and you don't feel like there is as much attention on you. But when you're alone with someone, all of their attention is on you, and that can frighten some people.

    It might be that this friend simply doesn't want to come, but feels like they have to say they will. This could be because they want to be involved, but then pull out when the time to go comes. Also, it might be their way to keeping some kind of control. It obviously isn't typical behaviour, and my analytical mind would wonder if there is some emotional insecurity or mental wellbeing issues going on in the background.

    To answer your question, I don't think that the "pulling out at last minute" is bullying, but the rumour-spreading certainly isn't nice, and you should confront them about this!x

    Much love <3
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