jealousy

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,769,851 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello i am new to this so don't really know how it works, i just need some advice on my jealousy i hat my girlfriend uploading photos on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat because of the attention she gets, we have a baby on the way and it's destroying us! CAn someone a dress this problem ?

Comments

  • MikeMike Posts: 1,087 Moderator
    Hey @sammy1997, and welcome to the community. :wave: Glad you found us. Just a heads up that I moved your thread from Start Here to Sex & Relationships where it should get seen more easily. :)

    Well done for coming here and opening up to us. Jealousy in particular can be really tough to talk about, so this is a really positive step for you to take. It might be helpful for us to know a bit more about what's going on - have you spoken to your girlfriend about how you feel? If so, how did that go down?

    Jealous can be a really nasty force in any relationship, and oftentimes it can be rooted in our own feelings, self-esteem and many other things. And there's a chance that the jealousy here could be a symptom of a wider relationship issue - how are things with you and your girlfriend, aside from this? Would you say you were both generally happy? Are you getting what you want from the relationship?

    It sounds like there might be a lot on the line for you here, particularly with a baby on the way, so well done again for talking to us. I realise there are a lot of questions in there, so I hope it's not too much! Hopefully we can help you explore this with a bit more context. :)
    'Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?'

    < 3

  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 118 The Mix convert
    Hi @sammy1997!

    Welcome to The Mix :)

    I completely agree with everything @Mike has said. While jealousy is a natural emotion, it can be really horrible to control and cause many problems in our relationships. It must be particularly troubling with the pregnancy, so it's really admirable that you're opening up on this here, rather than bottling it all up!

    Hopefully, these feelings, and any other things it may have stemmed from (such as self-esteem), can be addressed fully with any further information.

    -peachysoo
  • Dusky94Dusky94 Posts: 22 Two little ducks
    Heya @sammy1997

    Jealousy is such a tough emotion, and we all experience it!

    I think the best thing to do would be to talk to her, and say that perhaps you feel she is seeking affirmation from other people slightly too much (if you think she is perhaps posting more than average recently). When I say seeking affirmation, I mean that she is seeking attention from others and their approval of her social life/looks/choices etc. You never know, this may actually be something to do with her feeling insecure, and wanting approval from others (in the form of 'likes' etc). Its always best to just tell her how you feel- the likelihood is that she will then open up to you about why she posts photos a lot, and she may not be at all aware that her frequent posts are making you feel a bit overlooked.

    good luck!
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 200 The Mix convert
    Hi sammy1997,

    You need to communicate your concerns to her. Talk about her actions and how it makes you feel. That way, you work together towards a solution that you are both part of!x

    Much love <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,769,851 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi sammy1997 :wave:

    Thank you for your post, jealousy is a really interesting topic to discuss however I understand how difficult it can sometimes be to confront it.

    I wonder if you could explain why you feel jealous of other people reacting to your girlfriend's pictures? After all no matter how they react you must remember it's you she has chosen to be with and start a family with so everyone reacting to her social media posts are, on the whole, on the periphery. Most people post on social media, myself included, and I can honestly say I pay very little attention to who reacts to it. Does your girlfriend often draw attention to how many people are reacting to her pictures/who is reacting to her pictures?

    Jealousy is a horrible emotion to deal with though and I think it's really helpful that you're seeking advise on it. Firstly, please don't let it ruin your relationship, I would highly recommend that you speak to your girlfriend and communicate how you're feeling but try to do it in a calm way, when you're both feeling open to discussion. It would also be helpful to diagnose why feelings of jealousy are manifesting - whether it's due to self esteem, lack of trust, past experiences - there are many different reasons as to why jealousy can form but once you've diagnosed why it's happening to you it becomes much easier to stop.

    Finally, I learnt this a while ago and it may not work for everyone but I have to say I've found it really helpful. Whenever you're annoyed about something take a breath and leave it for an hour or so, do something else - watch a show you like, bake, play a game, whatever you want - and then if you still feel as annoyed after that highlight it as an issue to your partner.

    Hope that helps and best of luck with it all.

    Lals :yippe:
  • Phil HPhil H Posts: 5 Newbie
    Hi all well im on here for the same reason in a way and would really appreciate some of your thoughts so here goes......

    Im 52 and been single 8 years through choice. I had a successful business which i had to fold in 2015 and ultimately declare voluntary bankruptcy...thats not really the issue here but just a bit of background. Prior to this i decided to split with my partner (who was my business partner too) That chapter was over and time to a totally new beginning both financially, emotionally, workwise, and so on.

    I have been on the usual dating sites which was an eye opener for sure however, i wasnt looking for a quick fix and was quite specific in the person i was looking for (not meaning just looks)
    I decided to leave the dating alone totally and just stayed single for several years until the end of 2017 where i went back on line and started talking to a lovely woman, met, dined etc and took things slowly. This started in Oct 2017 and we are still doing well.

    My partner is an amazing woman and has had her fill of crap over the years of which i can relate too and understand. We both love eachother and everything appears ok however, i have noticed something that is creating insecurity in me which is eating away. I am sure its me being silly but it is eating away and will eventually root itself and cause issues im sure.
    So what is the problem you're thinking......i would say we are both smart professional people and attractive (well she is!!!) which is lovely however, when i go out with her (which makes me feel so proud and happy) i have noticed she is looking at other men and sometimes commenting. When i say looking, i mean staring....not just a glance. She has admitted shes a people watcher which is fine but this is more than that in my book. This alone has created doubt in my mind which ive not experienced before.
    In addition to this she does have a 15 year old daughter and a Mum who is quite unwell and demanding so the time we get together is limited. This makes me feel im 'on the side line' and being 'fitted in' as and when.
    I know many of you will say talk to her but i guess because i am so in love with her (and im sure she is with me) i dont want to cause issues having said that she is a good communicator and loves talking to people but am worried how she might take my issues. I am aware a previous relationship she was in she finished it because her partner was too demanding but in my eyes its just wanting to be with your partner which is what a relationship is about.

    I joined this forum tonight because although im in a wonderful relationship with a person i have a lot of feelings for, i feel so utterly lonely. She has recently said to me im a red blooded male and she would understand if i moved on which didn't fill me with happiness!

    Her family and friends come first and i do feel totally alone (even though she does include me in family events etc

    I hope ive explained this well and would appreciate your thoughts am i expecting too much? are my thoughts wrong? have you experienced this? im at the point where i feel im better off to end it and move on but love is a powerful thing
  • Phil HPhil H Posts: 5 Newbie
    just released this site is for under 25s so i best buzz off !! whoops
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey everyone :wave:
    I agree with what has already been said about how essential communication is. It is really common to experience both positive and bad feelings while we are in a relationship and talking about them with our partner is always a good choice. It becomes particularly true when it comes to bad feelings, as talking gives the possibility to understand the reasons behind something that one's partner has said or done. Untile the moment when we face the partner and ask for explanation, our worries and thoughts prevail, giving us just a partial view of the whole situation.
    Jealousy is absolutely normal and common, but it is essential to deal with that, otherwise it can become dangerous. There is also a difference between a little bit of natural jealousy and the attempt to control the partner, as the first one is ok, while the other can cause some troubles.

    @sammy1997, always consider that she has chosen you and you are expecting a baby, so she may be posting some pictures on her account, but it's you that she shares her life with. Anyway, talking could always be a good way to sort problems out!

    - Fran
Sign In or Register to comment.