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How do you talk to your partner about money without getting in a row?
Aoife
Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
Hey everyone!
Research has found that the most common cause of arguments in a relationship is money, which can be awkward if you don’t know what to say. How do you talk to your partner about money without getting in a row?
Look forward to hearing your thoughts!
- Aife
Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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Comments
This is definitely a tricky one @Aife but I can definitely see money being a big cause for arguments. In my relationship, my partner and I don't have an issue 'rowing' about money, but we do find that it is the one thing that can cause a lot of stress...even though we try not to let it run our lives... which is the tricky part, right?
As for discussing money or talking about it if it comes up, I think it all comes down to how you communicate with your partner to begin with. For instance, if you communicate well, you're less likely to get into a row about it. But if your arguments tend to get heated, then of course this can get out of hand.
Here are a few little tips that could be used to stop those money talks getting out of hand.
First of all you can write down the problem. Putting ideas onto paper can help you keep track and stop anything being repeated, misheard or shouted over one another.
From here you can write down the solutions or any ideas to change this problem. Eg - if you're short on cash, you could budget for the month, sell some items etc.
If you disagree about things here, you can do a list of pros and cons to find the best solution, again without talking over each other or disregarding either of your ideas.
It's like a big brainstorm really...and I think this can work with any discussion or problem you may have in a relationship. My partner and I tend to do this but now we just leave out the writing and brainstorm it out with each other.
We had a few problems like this when we decided to save all our money up for a year, quit our jobs and campervan around Europe for a year. This needed so much planning and budgeting it was ridiculous. But like I said, we brainstormed and listened to one another throughout everything.
For us, when we do have worries, problems or changes in our money we remind each other that we only really need it to live. If we ever disagree about it, it's because we are being cautious, careful and we care where our money is going. So really, whenever we have money disagreements it always stems out of the goodness of our hearts, not out of greed or anything else like that. If you learn the value of money and don't need many possessions, it can really help. Minimalism is key! :thumb:
Always remember that there is always a solution and two heads are better than one! Money is not love nor is it happiness, your partner is! So don't let it get in the way of that. If you both want the same things, working together and not against each other will get you there.
-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
Could not agree with this more! I think it's not worth arguing about, it's a means to live for me too and not the be all and end all. That's what I would start with before having to have any kind of discussion/disagreement.
I definitely think that viewing money this way can change your mind set and emotions surrounding it. Money can bring so much worry, anxiety, stress and even greed and that's when the arguments start.
But changing your view and living your life by focusing on things that are free can really help get rid of these negative connections. Spending time with your partner, loved ones and family, being out in nature, creating things and doing free activities! Embrace the simple, free stuff! :thumb:
It's my Mum's and Auntie's Birthday this weekend and when discussing with my partner what to do/get to celebrate, we both talked, bounced ideas off each other and agreed homemade gifts and crafts were the way to go! No arguments and we've made some great things together. :birthday:
-PositiveAura:rainbow2: