I need help. Serious help.

Former Member

Uhm, hi... I've been looking for somewhere to get help. This is really really serious and I'm starting to worry myself.

Okay, okay. So, pretty much, I've been having the most uncontrollable urges and thoughts of murdering and torturing people. It's really really bad and I want it to stop.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been trying to control myself and find alternatives, and for a while I would just draw out my thoughts and the things I wanted to do, or I would go outside and break things with a shovel, but I've been starting to get these spells of rage in which I get so uncontrollably angry for no reason. I get super duper mad and start breaking things and nothing ever even happened to make me this angry.

I can't tell anyone I know in real life because I'm on my final warning, and if I do or say one more thing that the authorities think is risky, I'm going into long term mental correction. I can't stand going back, they don't help me, and so I decided to take things into my own hands.

Please please please help me. I don't want to have these urges and needs to kill or hurt people, I just want to be a normal kid. I don't want my brain to be plagued with thoughts of killing and torturing people, and most of all, I don't want to like the thoughts of killing and torturing people. I don't want to get so angry for no reason all because of these urges being left unsatisfied.

I... I enjoy people suffering... And the thing is, I don't want to hurt animals, because they can't scream words, they haven't done anything wrong, they have no reason to be punished. I'm so angry and upset at myself for feeling this way. It's not right, it's not normal. Please help me.

I feel so terrible for thinking like this, and if anybody can help me, please please please do. I really really need help.

Thank you.

Aoife

Hey Miami,

Welcome to the boards. :wave:

I've just had to edit our some graphic/descriptive details in your thread to make sure it's safe for others on the community to read. You're more than welcome to talk to us about your thoughts and feelings here.

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through, these urges and thoughts sound really overwhelming. You are really brave for opening up about everything here, it's not always easy to come forward about these feelings of hurting others that you're experiencing. You've done the right thing to reach out and having these thoughts doesn't make you a bad person. It's clear that you genuinely want some help, and that takes a lot of courage when you're battling thoughts like this.

I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, there's some great support out there that can help you through this and help support you with these thoughts and urges. I've listed a few places below:

You might like to reach out to Childline. They have some great support such as 1-2-1 counsellors that you can chat to online, a phone number that you can call them on 0800 1111 and also email support.

If you do ever feel that you're at risk to hurting yourself of others or that you might act on these thoughts you're experiencing, you can reach out to Samaritans who are reachable anytime 24 hours a day. Whatever you're going through, you can reach out to them anytime by calling 116 123.

Have you reached out for any support before about this?

All the best,

- Aife

Former Member

Hi Miami

Are these actually your own thoughts or voices inside your head? My voices tell me to hurt other people.

Maybe it is important to go and see a doctor who might be able to give you something for outbursts of rage. What dya think?

Former Member

Lostsense wrote: »

Hi Miami

Are these actually your own thoughts or voices inside your head? My voices tell me to hurt other people.

Maybe it is important to go and see a doctor who might be able to give you something for outbursts of rage. What dya think?

I'm not sure... I've always had voices and I've been put on so much medication to get rid of them, but this feels like me... It feels like these are willing thoughts, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. My voices haven't been around for a while, and my medication is doing more damage than repairing, in my opinion. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can barely look at anybody without thinking about how to hurt them.

I don't know what's wrong with me, and I can't go to a doctor, not yet. My parents have been trying to find a therapist for me, but no one wants to see me. Probably my records. I don't like feeling this way. I'm scared that if somebody even looks at me wrong, I'll snap and do something I'll inevitably regret.

I'm mainly looking for alternatives to hurting people.

Former Member

Aife, I have not talked to anybody about this before.

I used to tell my parents everything, from how much I wanted to kill people, to how many times I thought I could hit someone and that only caused me to be sent to mental correction multiple times for up to a month at a time. I really do want help, because I'm scared I'll snap and hurt someone. I really don't want to do that. I'm just a kid, I shouldn't feel like this.

I really want alternatives to feeling this way, like some kind of stress reliever. I don't think I can control myself for much longer under these circumstances if I don't find some way to deal with this. Thank you for reaching out to help me, by the way.